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Are people getting more selfish- Christmas arrangements.

96 replies

emilybrontescorsett · 21/12/2019 16:38

Ok so I know it's not a first world problem however, is it a thing now to just do as you please and let people down?

We made arrangements, dh and I, to see some very good friends tonight.
We made the plans aged ago.
Just for context, we have spent many New Year's Eves at each other houses , plus had weekends away together that sort of thing.
Now we had said we would go to theirs and for ease go to their local pub.There is only one pub, it's not special but I thought it would be easier for them. At first my friend said she would do food, and her older child would babysit the younger one.
All ok.
Then a few days ago she said older child is going out so nobabysitter, can we just have a drink at theirs and order a take away. Again all ok. Times arranged.
We have done our food shopping now, I'm still working next week and we are sorted with food.I
Today after getting in from work, she messaged to say her older child can misbehave so we will go to the pub, again we will do that if it's best for them.
Now she has messaged to say they are out until later, go to theirs and wait whilst they are visiting friends and having dinner!
I've messaged her back and tried ringing to see if we are still ordering a take away. Neither dh or I have eaten. We don't want to go to theirs and sit with their kids whilst they are out.
On top of all this dh and I are alone tonight so could either have a romantic night in together, or go to much better pubs where we live.
Dh is pissed off with them altering arrangements.

Is it too much to ask for people to stick to plans.
In all honesty I was trying to make it easier for them.
We live nearer to a town with nice pubs and restaurants, they live in the sticks but have a young child so I was thinking of them when we offered to go there.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

454 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
emilybrontescorsett · 21/12/2019 16:41

Sorry for the typos. It should be their older child can now baby sit and they have gone to another friends to have dinner.

OP posts:
Dreamersandwishers · 21/12/2019 16:42

If it were me, I would just send a text to say something like ‘ this is clearly a busy time for you all, let’s rearrange when the heat is off. Have a lovely Christmas and we’ll catch up later.’

Then go have that nice evening with DH 😁

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/12/2019 16:42

It's not a thing, your friends are just really, really rude

Apolloanddaphne · 21/12/2019 16:45

That is rude. Message them back and say it sounds like they are too busy to see you so you and your DH are just going to have a night out together.

SquashedOrange · 21/12/2019 16:45

As above, just go out (or stay in) with DH.

WarmSausageTea · 21/12/2019 16:45

That’s colossally rude, I’d blow them out and think carefully about arranging anything else with them.

Expressedways · 21/12/2019 16:46

They got a better offer and went to dinner with other friends, and want you to sit in their house until whatever time they decide to grace you with their presence... um NO. Go for a nice dinner with your DH and seriously consider whether you want to speak to these rude weirdos again.

Lipz · 21/12/2019 16:46

Oh I hate all that. It's fairly common and I'm currently experiencing it myself. What I have just done and maybe you could too, is I have messaged and said something came up and can't make it. Go to a nice pub yourselves and enjoy your night unfortunately there are people who have their heads so far up their own arses that they can't see that changing plans constantly is very annoying. It's time people like this are taught a lesson.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 21/12/2019 16:47

Bloody rude!! I’d not bother rearranging for a future date. Go and do something nice for yourselves.

fedup21 · 21/12/2019 16:47

No, people aren’t getting more selfish. Your friends are arseholes.

and wait whilst they are visiting friends and having dinner!

Why didn’t you immediately reply/ring and say, ‘but we are having dinner together, aren’t we?’

If they say no, they say-we’ll rearrange then.

If they are as you say, ‘really good friends’ I presume they have never done anything like this before?

pangolina · 21/12/2019 16:48

I'd say "I'm confused, I thought we were coming to eat with you guys? Seems to have been a mix up, lets do another night". They are rude! Sit in their house while they go out to eat somewhere else? What?

Andysbestadventure · 21/12/2019 16:49

"I thought we were having dinner? Let's just rearrange for another time, maybe."

HelloDulling · 21/12/2019 16:50

Just message and call it off.

“We were looking forward to sitting down to a meal together. Let’s give tonight a miss and get together in Jan. That way you won’t have to rush to get back from Jenny and Simon’s.”

birdsarecute45 · 21/12/2019 16:51

Lord. Unbelievably rude. I would text back and say that obviously they are flat out so see you in the New Year.

What i want to really text however is much more forceful.

But tbh I'd have a hard time trying to be their friend after that.

or text back 'i'm too old to do things I don't want to, and sitting in your house waiting for you to turn up is one of those things i don't want to do'.


MadamBatty · 21/12/2019 16:52

So they got a better offer after dicking you about? I’d say ‘ you’re obviously very busy, we’ll catch up in the New Year. Happy Christmas’. Then I’d meet them again if it suits you.

wildcherries · 21/12/2019 16:52

So rude. I'd message them to say clearly they're too busy and not interested in seeing you. I certainly wouldn't go to their house and wait around. That's nuts. Don't do that. I'm with your DH.

emilybrontescorsett · 21/12/2019 16:52

I have messaged her and tried phoning g but haven't had a response.
In all honesty im really disappointed and a bit dumbstruck as I wouldn't have bothered arranging anything if I'd have known they were going to mess up around.
I always say straight up if something doesn't appeal to me.
I still don't know what to do, dh has left it up to me- rather unhelpfully.

OP posts:
SpicyRibs · 21/12/2019 16:54

If it were me, I would just send a text to say something like ‘ this is clearly a busy time for you all, let’s rearrange when the heat is off. Have a lovely Christmas and we’ll catch up later.’

Then go have that nice evening with DH

Is the correct answer.

wildcherries · 21/12/2019 16:54

Tell them since they've made other plans, so have you. And have the evening with your husband.

PreseaCombatir · 21/12/2019 16:55

Duck it off, and have a nice evening g with your DH

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 21/12/2019 16:55

That's incredibly rude. I agree with pps. Don't wait for them to decide when to grace you with their presence. Go and have a nice evening together and send a text saying you'll catch up another time. They will get the hint and hopefully treat you with more respect next time

Wattagoose90 · 21/12/2019 16:56

Dreamersandwishers has nailed it. I'd do exactly that.

Do something nice with your DH!

happytoday73 · 21/12/2019 16:56

Call it off. Go out with your husband having sent any of the messages suggested earlier.
Enjoy your date night

Drum2018 · 21/12/2019 16:57

Wow, I'd be fuming. I'd text back "We assumed we were all eating together this evening, but if you are already out having dinner with other friends then there's no point in us visiting. Happy Christmas. Will see you in the new year"
And have a lovely evening with Dh either out for dinner or a cosy night in.

lifeisgoodagain · 21/12/2019 16:57

Ummm. No people aren't getting more selfish, they are just not nice people, you don't do that!

My experience is the opposite, everyone has really rallied around me and ensured I'm not alone (h left me a few months back) most people are really kind and considerate

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