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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are people getting more selfish- Christmas arrangements.

96 replies

emilybrontescorsett · 21/12/2019 16:38

Ok so I know it's not a first world problem however, is it a thing now to just do as you please and let people down?

We made arrangements, dh and I, to see some very good friends tonight.
We made the plans aged ago.
Just for context, we have spent many New Year's Eves at each other houses , plus had weekends away together that sort of thing.
Now we had said we would go to theirs and for ease go to their local pub.There is only one pub, it's not special but I thought it would be easier for them. At first my friend said she would do food, and her older child would babysit the younger one.
All ok.
Then a few days ago she said older child is going out so nobabysitter, can we just have a drink at theirs and order a take away. Again all ok. Times arranged.
We have done our food shopping now, I'm still working next week and we are sorted with food.I
Today after getting in from work, she messaged to say her older child can misbehave so we will go to the pub, again we will do that if it's best for them.
Now she has messaged to say they are out until later, go to theirs and wait whilst they are visiting friends and having dinner!
I've messaged her back and tried ringing to see if we are still ordering a take away. Neither dh or I have eaten. We don't want to go to theirs and sit with their kids whilst they are out.
On top of all this dh and I are alone tonight so could either have a romantic night in together, or go to much better pubs where we live.
Dh is pissed off with them altering arrangements.

Is it too much to ask for people to stick to plans.
In all honesty I was trying to make it easier for them.
We live nearer to a town with nice pubs and restaurants, they live in the sticks but have a young child so I was thinking of them when we offered to go there.

OP posts:

Lunde · 21/12/2019 18:16

Hope you have a really good night out rather than hanging around with her kids for the night now that she has a better offer and has blown you off.

wildcherries · 21/12/2019 18:16

Good, OP. Enjoy your evening.

eaglejulesk · 21/12/2019 18:17

How very rude. Hope you and DH had a wonderful evening.

TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 21/12/2019 18:23

I’m not sure I could be doing with sending a polite message.

BuffaloCauliflower · 21/12/2019 18:25

Your friend is incredibly rude, no wonder you’re disappointed! I like @JennyWoodentop number one suggestion, don’t let them get away with this.

Glad you’re going out to have fun with DH

TatianaLarina · 21/12/2019 18:30

Cheekyfuckeroo.

She actually invited you sit in their house while they were out?

It would have been less rude just to cancel!

JemSynergy · 21/12/2019 18:30

Very rude and I would start to question our friendship.

thenightsky · 21/12/2019 18:35

In answer to your thread title, yes, I do think people are getting more selfish. I'm pretty old (60) and I'm sure that, until recently, it was considered incredibly rude to drop your first arrangement for what could be seen as a better offer.

WhoTheFuckIsGail · 21/12/2019 18:44

So rude. I would have sacked her off instantly on getting that message.

Let us know what she says when she bothers to reply OP.

ChristmasFluff · 21/12/2019 18:54

Well done OP, glad you didn't go, and I hope you have a lovely night out.

I also hope you ditch this waste-of-space fiend. I've missed out the 'r' deliberately. Just like she's missed out any respect or care for you.

Instatwat · 21/12/2019 19:00

Literally sitting with my mouth open at the rudeness! You made the right call, well done.

I couldn’t be friends with someone after being treated that way. You say she’s forgetful but I strongly suspect she just would have rather spent time with the other people and considered you a poor second who had nothing better to do than wait round for her to come back from her preferred friends’ house.

I’m sure you have more self-respect than this - dump the “friend” and tell her exactly why!

ReanimatedSGB · 21/12/2019 19:08

Well done, OP. I think people can get in a position where they say yes to too many things and it all turns to chaos, and if they are focussing on the idea that they need to include everyone they want to see, they can come up with suggestions that they don't necessarily realise are insulting.
So if you want to stay friends, 'let's rearrange for another time' is OK. But I would advise leaving it up to them to contact you...

namechangenumber2 · 21/12/2019 19:17

Enjoy your evening with your DP!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/12/2019 19:21

I'm pretty old (60) and I'm sure that, until recently, it was considered incredibly rude to drop your first arrangement for what could be seen as a better offer.

I'm 32 and that's definitely still considered incredibly rude!

DowntonCrabby · 21/12/2019 19:22

I’m intrigued as to what she’ll reply to you.

What a pair of absolute CF’s! Have a lovely evening OP

abw94 · 21/12/2019 19:22

Extremely rude. I've experienced this today. We have a 6 month old our and our friends have a 2 year old, both have set sleep routines so invited our friends to us this afternoon a good month ago. Text in the week to ask if she was still up for today and she said she'd let us know as they had a lot on yesterday. Specifically asked for them to let me know for definite. I still haven't heard anything. It's not the cancelling that winds me up it's the unknowing. Just plain rude.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/12/2019 19:26

Well done, OP. I think people can get in a position where they say yes to too many things and it all turns to chaos, and if they are focussing on the idea that they need to include everyone they want to see, they can come up with suggestions that they don't necessarily realise are insulting.

This used to happen with my friend who lived in Asia - every time she'd come back to visit she'd try and fit absolutely everyone in in about three days and then be really disappointed when people wouldn't, for instance, come to Heathrow to see her for half an hour. I love her but it was quite infuriating and would have been a lot more so if not for the visiting from across the world thing - the undertone of it is that people will be so delighted with your company that they'll be willing to go to any trouble for any small crumb of it

BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2019 19:57

good on you OP.. enjoy

magicstar1 · 21/12/2019 20:03

I’d let her know you’re on the way over and to make sure she’s home soon....then when she rings looking for you, tell her you’ve changed the plans and gone out. See how she likes it!

Fleetheart · 22/12/2019 20:49

So, @emilybrontescorsett, did she respond? I think you did absolutely the right thing and they were unbelievably rude!

Original poster

emilybrontescorsett · 23/12/2019 17:54

Hi everyone.
I went out with Dh, just the 2 of us. I texted my friend and told her we would meet up another time when they weren't so busy and to enjoy her evening.
Had a good time in the end but I did drink too much wine, had a hangover the next day!

OP posts:

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