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Original poster

Are people getting more selfish- Christmas arrangements.

96 replies

emilybrontescorsett · 21/12/2019 16:38

Ok so I know it's not a first world problem however, is it a thing now to just do as you please and let people down?

We made arrangements, dh and I, to see some very good friends tonight.
We made the plans aged ago.
Just for context, we have spent many New Year's Eves at each other houses , plus had weekends away together that sort of thing.
Now we had said we would go to theirs and for ease go to their local pub.There is only one pub, it's not special but I thought it would be easier for them. At first my friend said she would do food, and her older child would babysit the younger one.
All ok.
Then a few days ago she said older child is going out so nobabysitter, can we just have a drink at theirs and order a take away. Again all ok. Times arranged.
We have done our food shopping now, I'm still working next week and we are sorted with food.I
Today after getting in from work, she messaged to say her older child can misbehave so we will go to the pub, again we will do that if it's best for them.
Now she has messaged to say they are out until later, go to theirs and wait whilst they are visiting friends and having dinner!
I've messaged her back and tried ringing to see if we are still ordering a take away. Neither dh or I have eaten. We don't want to go to theirs and sit with their kids whilst they are out.
On top of all this dh and I are alone tonight so could either have a romantic night in together, or go to much better pubs where we live.
Dh is pissed off with them altering arrangements.

Is it too much to ask for people to stick to plans.
In all honesty I was trying to make it easier for them.
We live nearer to a town with nice pubs and restaurants, they live in the sticks but have a young child so I was thinking of them when we offered to go there.

OP posts:
Clymene · 21/12/2019 16:59

I'm sure the evening did originally appeal to them but they've clearly had a better offer (whether that's people they like more, convenience or greasy pole related). The why doesn't really matter. The fact that they've been incredibly rude does.

I'd go out locally and put them into the acquaintance box from now on.

Di62 · 21/12/2019 17:01

I wouldn't even bother telling them that you're not going, just don't turn up - what on earth can they say in their defence?

Flicketyflack · 21/12/2019 17:03

If you have messaged and they haven't replied I think that they are clearly trying to tell you how unimportant you are Sad

Go out/stay in with your DH and let them contact you Wink

Drum2018 · 21/12/2019 17:04

I still don't know what to do

If she can't be bothered to reply to your messages or answer your calls the only thing to do is send one of the messages suggested telling her you're not going to their house - it's that simple. Don't bother reading any replies she might send trying to backtrack with stupid excuses as to why they changed the plans they had with you.

MadameButterface · 21/12/2019 17:06

Super rude. So their eldest can sit for them to go to their other mates but not so they can see you as originally arranged?

I’d send @Apolloanddaphne’s message.

BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2019 17:06

If it were me, I would just send a text to say something like ‘ this is clearly a busy time for you all, let’s rearrange when the heat is off. Have a lovely Christmas and we’ll catch up later.’

Then go have that nice evening with DH

THIS with festive bells on... they sound like right cheeky fuckers... not friends... Flowers

TimeIhadaNameChange · 21/12/2019 17:07

I'd spell it out to them:

"Why on earth would we sit in your house with your kids waiting for you to eventually join us? We thought we were eating dinner with you but you have obviously ditched us in favor of others. We might see you in the new year depending on whether you manage to find your manners."

Mummymummums · 21/12/2019 17:07

So rude of them. I wouldn't be saying how busy a time it is and letting them off that easy. Sadly you're not a priority for them at the moment.
I'd text back: "We had arranged to all eat together and we were looking forward to the evening. Let's forget tonight."

birdsarecute45 · 21/12/2019 17:08

Nah- you get to be the babysitters while they go out!

Dump it.

northernstars · 21/12/2019 17:10

I've been going through this with a friend. I've learned that just sending a text saying let's do it another time gives me back some control and stops me stewing on it.

DelphiniumBlue · 21/12/2019 17:10

If you've already phoned and left a message, there's no need to do anything else, just go out with DH an have a lovely evening.
If you feel you must send another message, it could be something along the lines of "?- thought we were meeting up for a meal?" and leave it at that. Let them wonder whether you are going over later.
If they return the call/messages, I'd not answer till much later, and just wish them a a merry christmas.

Fleetheart · 21/12/2019 17:10

Sounds very rude, I would be hurt. So just do what the others have said and say - don’t worry we will see you another day

CarolinaPink · 21/12/2019 17:11

It's not too much to ask and YANBU. Sounds like they don't want to meet. Have night in with DO instead Thanks

YahooGmail · 21/12/2019 17:12

The constant changing of arrangements would be enough to make me want to cancel. But to go sit in their house to wait for them while they're out? Are they having a laugh?!
OP I know you've tried ringing/texting you see what the story is, but you can just send a text saying "Hey I think we might just leave it as it's getting a bit messy. We'll rearrange for the new year though". And then do something yourself instead. I've done this before. Just take back the control if they're not going to answer phone/reply

Obligatorync · 21/12/2019 17:13

That sounds exhausting. I can understand cancelling on the day if absolutely needed, and rearranging what you're doing once.

But they have switched the plans over and over.

And essentially what they have now done is turn you down for a different offer. It could be a better offer, they could have felt obliged, no idea.

I'd send a message saying as they're out somewhere else for dinner, let's knock it on the head.

Then I'd turn my phone to silent and go out with my DH.

dancingbadger · 21/12/2019 17:13

The cfuckery of it! Definitely don't go and provide free babysitting whilst they go out with some other friends. Enjoy your evening with your husband and try not to give it any more headspace then it deserves.

starfishmummy · 21/12/2019 17:15

I thinknthat if you go, you will find that you are stuck there babysitting the younger kid and the older one will be nowhere to be seen and that the parents will roll back from their dinner at about 11pm.

Stay home

Cobblersandhogwash · 21/12/2019 17:15

Aren't you pissed off, op?

You've been totally messed around.

Does this friend always treat you as disposable?

Don't you mind?

I'd bin her for this. Or at the very least, not make arrangements with her again.

Don't be such a doormat.

WheresMyChocolate · 21/12/2019 17:16

They're being exceptionally rude. I wouldn't bother contacting them, just do your own thing. They clearly aren't bothered.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 21/12/2019 17:19

"Are you having a laugh?"

And I'd reconsider the friendship going forward.

sandragreen · 21/12/2019 17:19

Totally agree with dreamers text.

DontCallMeShitley · 21/12/2019 17:20

As there has been no reply to your messages and no answer to your calls, make your own plans and have a lovely evening without them. Ignore or turn off your phone for the night.

If you want to be considerate as clearly they are not, send one message to let them know that you have given up on the evening.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 21/12/2019 17:20

Don’t let people treat you like this.

pictish · 21/12/2019 17:21

I wouldn’t go and sit around waiting for them to appear. Hell no.

I’d say something like, “I don’t think we’ll come after all. Another time.”
No smileys or xx.

Clymene · 21/12/2019 17:22

Send one final message wishing them a happy Christmas and then mute them until next year.