MIL's Xmas present haul

[Squashpocket]

We won't be seeing my PIL between now and Xmas, so MIL has given DH the dc's presents ahead of the big day. I've just had a look in the box and there's loads. An absolute shitload. It's way more than we've bought.

My first reaction was 'wow, that's generous!'. But after a bit of reflection I'm now feeling a bit...pissed off.

I'm not really precious enough to do or say anything, but I'm still secretly annoyed that: 1) we've been upstaged (the dc wont notice who bought the gift)
2) it's setting unrealistic expectations for future years (they probably won't remember)

So, obviously IABU. Anyone else's families do this? Does it piss you off?

A spoilt child gets their own way on a daily basis, doesn’t understand NO and wants to win all the games and be better than anyone else.

Spoiling or tearing a child is different.

My MIL is like that as well. They always get more from her than us. She likes to get plastic tat so is a bit annoying. Would rather they got something more useful or nicer and not as much. But she likes going to home bargains and b and m and buying lots of things for them. It's always opened quick and the kids are given another present to open before they have opened the one they have so gets a bit manic.
I feel like we get them less but the presents are more thoughtful so not too bothered.

My PIL (aka MIL) tend to buy loads of gifts. It is a little easier because we live further away so they don't know the kids so well so they buy off the kid's wish lists and we don't see them on Christmas Day. When they were younger we gave them lots of ideas which helped target their purchases e.g HappyLand, Duplo etc which they went to town on.

Now they're older it bothers me less. Lots of the day isn't about presents. The kids love playing a game with us, doing a treasure hunt, snuggling up watching a film, staying up late etc. Their memories are all about things we did, not about the presents.

To stop us getting cluttered, the kids (from about 4yo) have helped sort their toys and charity shop older things on the run up to Christmas. They know how lucky they are and why we pass things on to others.

Agree with @GreenTulips. A spoilt child is created by being spoiled constantly and daily. No boundaries. Never told No. etc. A large pile of gifts once a year does not spoil a child who has been taught to be grateful for it.

@GlummyMcGlummerson I agree. I'd much rather people didn't waste their money. My parents, grandma and FIL all told us their budget this year and said to pick up anything we saw that DD would like, because they don't know what she has and hasn't got etc. My brothers choose for themselves but choose amazingly because they have similar aged daughters with the same interests and I usually have one Christmas shopping day out with my twin every year, so she gets things that day.

I'll probably get flamed for this so I've NC 😂
I'm reading this thread for opinions because I'm in the same boat.

This year is my daughters first Christmas (shes 9 months) and mil has already dropped off her 'first lot(?)' of presents. Big sacks with daughters name on and labelled from Santa. I don't know why (I do have a terrible history with mil so maybe this is clouding my judgement) but I feel rather sad about the fact she is 'playing' Santa too. Clearly this year dd is oblivious but she won't be in the future. I don't want dd to be over loaded with gifts and dh and I have always said we will be careful she is not spoilt (likely to be an only child).

Mil is also renowned for buying us stuff we don't need (an example would be when I said in her hearing that dh had so many work shirts we needed a bigger wardrobe...cue 6 more work shirts arriving). I've had a sneak peak at dds presents and it's all crap we just don't need or have space for! Sorry I know that sounds very ungrateful but it's all stuff totally inappropriate for a baby or random things like 2 first Christmas candles? Why 2?? Apparently there is more at their house for when we go round on Christmas Day 😩

I know this sounds like a mil bash but if my mum did this I could say mum calm down 😂 neither I or dh have that relationship with mil (we did ask everyone to get just one gift for dd but clearly this has been ignored). Mil has met dd 6 times so in my mind it's just virtue signalling.

Sorry but if my mother or MIL showed up with "sacks" of gift from Santa for my kids there would firm and pointed words. Obviously parents are buying from Santa unless otherwise discussed. It just ruins it. All these posters advocating that you just spread them out. All day or night before or Boxing Day or over the whole bloody year.....what a way to make Christmas one big never-ending present feast. I don't find that charming or sweet at all.

I am not as a parent going to buy nothing or very little for my own children so grandparents can indulge their desire to relive their glory days and love of shopping. No thanks.

God there’s some control freaks on here.

nobody needs lots of presents and what happens on birthdays same again!!

My late Mil bought my dd2 a massive kitchen one year that we had nowhere to put it. It was such a waste it ended up in the kids outside Play house but they never played with in it. She bought dd1 a scooter that was about 4 years too old for her thats still brand new in the shed.
She passed away a couple of years ago and i now feel that i have to make up for the extra big present that they used to get.
You should say something.

Not wanting the grandparents to buy the children tons of presents, is not being a control freak.

My DH has ‘form’ for well-intentioned but ‘odd’ gifts especially for kids. I have been known to cringe inwardly! He’s immune to advice as well. You could try what a friend of mine used to do when her DD had gift piles: give her one thing to open at a time and save some for later so she isn’t overwhelmed.

Sympathies OP my MIL ( and it is her. FIL is not a shopper) is exactly the same. From my eldest’s first Christmas she always goes completely over the top. That year when he was about 6 months old she passed over three enormous gift bags, they pretty much contained one of everything the early learning centre sold for his age. She was then mystified when they couldn’t all be squeezed into the car boot for the 7 hour drive home. We have asked her to rein it in several times, the last time she was in tears stating she wants the children to have a nice day. she was then reminded that the children have a nice day because if the company not the stuff

I know now, as a parent, that this can be incredibly frustrating, especially if it's stuff no one really wants.

However, my grandma (with whom I had no relationship whatsoever) sent the most random tat every year.

We got aprons to go around bottles of wine, corkscrews, place mats.

Highlight of our Christmas morning was opening those presents and comparing which of the grandchildren got the most inappropriate present on Christmas Day.

You can try and talk to her, but I suspect it will fall on deaf ears. If she's not going to be there, I agree with siphoning some of it off

You know, I've just remembered a gift my nan gave me one xmas. I was a teenager at the time, but it was a neon orange babydoll nightdress, complete with frilly knickers!

That was a one off odd present though, she was usually pretty good at giving me something I loved. One of my favourite presents, from anyone, ever, was from her. She'd got a cardboard box and wrapped it with wrapping paper (saved from previous years) and had filled it with all sorts of toiletries and other bits. I suppose she picked something up with her shopping each week. I loved that, and always remember it fondly.

Grandparents really don't have to go overboard with the presents to make for memorable Christmases.