MIL's Xmas present haul

[Squashpocket]

We won't be seeing my PIL between now and Xmas, so MIL has given DH the dc's presents ahead of the big day. I've just had a look in the box and there's loads. An absolute shitload. It's way more than we've bought.

My first reaction was 'wow, that's generous!'. But after a bit of reflection I'm now feeling a bit...pissed off.

I'm not really precious enough to do or say anything, but I'm still secretly annoyed that: 1) we've been upstaged (the dc wont notice who bought the gift)
2) it's setting unrealistic expectations for future years (they probably won't remember)

So, obviously IABU. Anyone else's families do this? Does it piss you off?

I also love that the grandparents on here are the ones saying they don’t see the problem

Not all of them. I tend to agree with the OP, that kids don't need so many gifts.

I ask her mum, what my GD would like. As this year's present cost a bit more than I usually budget for her, she'll only be getting that (a Playmobil zoo set), and a chocolate santa and reindeers.

It doesn't mean that I don't love her as much as other grandparents who buy their GC lots of stuff.

Re all presents come from Santa, we never did that when I was a child, or when I had my own children. The presents came from whoever had bought them, but Father Christmas delivered most of them. The presents that friends and relatives had given before the day, would go under the tree, and the kids were allowed to open one of them on Christmas Eve. That was our Christmas Eve tradition. It also helped to temper the over-excitement somewhat.
I remember feeling the presents that were under the tree in the run up to the day, trying to work out what they were. It was fun!

YANBU OP. I don't want my children to grow up surrounded by piles of "stuff". Our house isn't particularly big, so there isn't much space, and the DC are overwhelmed when there's too much choice to play with. Also I don't want them to think Christmas is all about getting stuff.

One Christmas when DS was about 3, he sobbed throughout present opening as ILs had given him so much and insisted on watching him open it all.

They buy tat which breaks easily, and personalised stuff that can't be passed on. They do Santa sacks at their house (expect grandchildren to be brought to their house on Christmas Eve to put empty sacks out, which DH and I refuse to do). We tell them the gifts in the sacks are from Grandma and Grandpa, which made ILs cross, but we didn't want it to look like Santa came to ILs and not my parents' house.

Obviously I can donate some stuff to the charity shop, but that's just giving me an extra job to do (there isn't a charity shop near us).

And I don't want to give them something each month because I don't want them to be expecting new things all the time.

Bluntness - I will admit to having the odd self-centred thought occasionally. That's why I said it here, rather than getting on the phone to my MIL about it.

Fil and his gf brought three huge bags of presents for ds last Christmas. A lot of it was second hand stuff. No issues with second hand but a lot of it was broken/filthy or age inappropriate for ds (15m at the time).

Fils gf has already told me that she’s bought loads of good stuff from the charity shop again for ds and now for Dd (4.5m). Apparently they’ve got 4 bags each.

It’s generous but I wish wish wish that they’d actually ask us what we needed for the kiddos or whether there was anything we were getting they could add to for example (ds has a brio train set so more train would be super). But no.

I don't think I've ever come across such an ungrateful bunch of people as the moaning Minnies of MN.

I think most parents enjoy planning and sorting their kids Xmas presents and if anyone else buys super expensive items or virtually takes over the whole Xmas stocking it should be discussed with the parents first to ensure they’re not treading on toes.

Blackwhitepurple - I agree. TBH I don't want my children to be spoilt. At this age they are happy with one or two nice toys, so I don't want to set up the expectation of piles of stuff. My experience with them so far is that the more toys they have, the less they play with them. I want them to value their things and I think the more toys they have the less special they'll seem.

Equally, I will be suitably grateful to MIL and take the good advice given here to stagger the present opening a bit. I might even pack away some things for their birthdays. We're planning on getting my eldest his first bike next birthday and that will clear us out, so it'll be nice to be able to top up his haul.

My gps always did this at Xmas - it was great!!! Unfortunately my dc don't have any gps except for 1 grandad who just gives them a tenner as an afterthought so I think YABU x

@user32564567 I agree, tbh. My mum has bought DD a lot this year. She enjoys it and it's massively helped us out as I took a few weeks unpaid mat leave so I could have Christmas with DD off. I helped her pick everything so none of it is tat, and me and DP bought the rest. It's stuff she'll use the entire year.

I can't imagine being annoyed at being "out done".

I love Christmas and giving lots.

But its never plastic tat...

Its things like Board games, Arts & Crafts, Clothes, Educational games / activities, Books, projects, Ofcourse some toys too

There parents are grateful so they can just buy afew things for them and spend money on other things that are needed.

I never upstage any parent. Some things will be from santa too...
They are happy for me to do this.

Its Christmas...
Niece is very grounded, does not "expect" anything, gets told no if she randomly wants a toy when out shopping for example.
When we are out, if we see a homeless person, we will offer to get them a hotdrink / some food.
We are not well off at all.
I personally like them to have lots to open at Christmas...

@GreenTulips I send things in the post because i enjoy doing it. It isnt expected at all. Not massive toys, could be a cool top iv seen while out shopping, or some magazine cards shes collecting or some arts and crafts stuff or a book...
I find nothing wrong with it. As its all useful stuff and not crap

Does this just come down to what you're used to? If you had lots of presents as a child, then that's what Christmas looks like to you and vice versa?

Because I just won't ever feel comfortable with massive piles of presents and it sounds like some people can't imagine Christmas without that.

I used to think amazon lists for my grandchildren were a good idea but in the last few years I have become totally brassed off with them. They ghave become a shopping list and the Mums are as bad as the children. The last straw was a child throwing a fit that he hadnt got stuff off his list, so now lists are off. They have to learn that a present brought with some care and thought, shouldbe appreciated even if its not what you ordered. I have told everyone. I have offered money as an alternative to older children but they have chosen the "surprise not on the list"

Dont say anything to MIL that would be very rude

We spend £25 on our grand children and try to tailor the gifts to the child. I'm aware that one lot of their in-laws just do token presents but haven't a clue on the other lot.

@NoMorePoliticsPlease

I would never say anything but thank you

My parents do this. Bin bags and boxes of presents. I think DS was about 2 or 3 and he got so overwhelmed opening the presents on Christmas Day, not even really taking in what they were by the end of it and he turned into a monster. It was just too much. I politely mentioned in the lead up to the following Christmas that it had all got a bit much for DS. They seemed to have scaled back a bit since but it's still quite a lot.

Oh I always get a bit carried away at Christmas and it sounds like your mil is the same. I wouldn’t hold them back for birthdays though, they aren’t birthday gifts they’re for now. What’s wrong with a massive pile of presents at Christmas?

Does this just come down to what you're used to? If you had lots of presents as a child, then that's what Christmas looks like to you and vice versa?

Because I just won't ever feel comfortable with massive piles of presents and it sounds like some people can't imagine Christmas without that.

I agree with you. We never had the massive piles either and I can't imagine it or ever want it. Maybe they will be more into it when they are older but so far only DC1 has been old enough to understand opening presents and he has only ever been overwhelmed by it. That's with us insisting on only one present from everyone.

It's a snobbery thing I reckon. All the references to 'plastic tat'

MN children get a wooden toy, a book and an organic orange.

So not wanting the planet to drown in plastic tat is snobbery?

My kids have never been given just a wooden toy, book and orange.

But on the other hand, I don't allow the house to be filled so full with presents that you can't see the carpet around the tree. |Because it's excessive and wasteful. Quality not quantity.

If they want to buy it they can.

My only issue is when they steal my ideas (example: they ask what DC are getting because they 'cant think of anything' and I'll say 'I'm getting DS a bike' then I'll get a phone call the next day say 'oh dont bother getting the bike I've bought him one, it was a great idea' like yes I know thats why I planned it) but I just stopped telling them my ideas.

Does this just come down to what you're used to? If you had lots of presents as a child, then that's what Christmas looks like to you and vice versa?

Not sure. I had massive present piles at Christmas and then received more when I visited my grandparents and other relatives. I come from a massive family so it was normal. Yet, now that I have children of my own, I don’t do the same. My husband and i decided to forgo presents for the most part other than me getting them their usual new jumpers to wear on Christmas Day where I spend about a tenner for both. Despite remembering all those presents, I also recall the amount of stuff that we never touched or played with once and the amount of money wasted that could have went to better things. I think some of that stuff is actually still at my parents if my mum hasn’t given it away yet. My favourite part of Christmas was seeing my extended family and being surrounded by them. Gifts don’t really make up for that.

We just let other relatives do the gifting and at the moment they are at an age they don't notice or care so it’s easy.

all of my family do this for my DD. She is the only grandchild on both sides (next year that will change) so everyone just adores buying her stuff.

Luckily it is always good quality stuff the she will play with / wear.

I have given up trying to stop people and just enjoy that fact that everyone wants to spoil her - myself and my DH arent much better!

We've already started sifting through the tat mountain from PIL and SIL (cut from the same cloth). Doing it in advance of Christmas Day so we don't have to travel with it all, and we can donate to the food bank gift box ahead of Christmas. (We're not donating tat, it's more that our daughter is 8 months and in no way needs 10 gifts – that's just from PIL and SIL!)

It's all just so wasteful and makes me feel a bit sick. Especially since PIL do it in the most thoughtless manner possible and can't be dissuaded: "Oh, it was no effort, just some bits we popped in with the weekly shop." Their no effort = our effort to sort through, take to charity, or have cluttering up our tiny house. They can't seem to grasp that they're not the only ones buying for DD and if everyone bought on the same scale as them we would have a skip's worth.

The thing is, nobody likes a spoiled child... so why do people say "Oh, I like to spoil them"?