MIL's Xmas present haul

[Squashpocket]

We won't be seeing my PIL between now and Xmas, so MIL has given DH the dc's presents ahead of the big day. I've just had a look in the box and there's loads. An absolute shitload. It's way more than we've bought.

My first reaction was 'wow, that's generous!'. But after a bit of reflection I'm now feeling a bit...pissed off.

I'm not really precious enough to do or say anything, but I'm still secretly annoyed that: 1) we've been upstaged (the dc wont notice who bought the gift)
2) it's setting unrealistic expectations for future years (they probably won't remember)

So, obviously IABU. Anyone else's families do this? Does it piss you off?

When mine were younger there was a tendency from my sister and mum to go overboard. We spread opening gifts out to nearly a week at times - not by being mean but by giving them time to actually play with the present before having another shoved under their noses. It made Christmas last longer, fewer stresses, emotions kept at a reasonable level and it worked for us.

One year I told them they they had to buy the storage along with the gift as it was getting out of hand. That made them stop and think. As they got older it all smoothed out.

The only Christmas thing that really pissed me off is when we went to stay with PIL one year from Christmas Eve and they bought stockings for the kids 😡 which is the only thing Father Christmas does in our house. It hasn't been repeated as I think they saw both our reactions!

My mum and MIL both do this but it doesn't piss me off :) I just buy my kids one present each from DH and I, and then the santa haul I don't need to bother thinking about or spending money on. It's great!

PIL are great are finding things I hate but DS loves - usually large toy vehicles with flashing sounds/lights. I don't mind though, that's part of the fun of grandparents. They buy 1 toy rather than loads though, so not too annoying.

Mum tends to buy a few things, but we see her more so she knows what kind of things DS needs. This year he's got a toy train, 2 books (labelled from my DBro lol), and 2 family boardgames to all play on Christmas day.

Oh! For goodness sake. So what! Just be pleased for your child. Grandparents love buying things for their young grandchildren. It is what we miss now that ours are grown up and buying us presents! It’s not a competition and Santa is the one who brings the presents or perhaps you have forgotten that. Have a lovely Christmas with your family.

Yabu a bit. My ils spend a lot of money on the dc's presents, far more than we can afford too. We are lucky though because they ask us what the dc would like. They have bought my autistic child a lovely sensory toy this year that we could never have afforded and he is going to love it.

@OP I think it's fine to have a quiet word with MIL - or get your DH to - about how the number of presents may be overwhelming. I think you're U to be angry with her but not U to want to limit the presents. I had a similar conversation with my mum, who has a tendency to go overboard.

My MIL (yes, MIL, not ILs - FIL has zero interest or input) does this every year. Twenty plus presents per child. 90% of the presents are cheap tat. She also buys (two) advent calendars, personalised stockings, personalised Christmas sacks, and personalised baubles each year. It's very OTT and not really about the DCs at all - it's about feeding her obsessive shopping addiction. It really upset me (and very little does) on DD1s first Christmas as I was hoping we could choose these things for her and I felt like she was stepping on our toes. I just take it in my stride now. Most of the presents get sold on Ebay as we simply don't have room, and the money put in the childrens accounts.

Stop sending stuff throughout the year, kids don’t need this all the time. It becomes an expectation

Why? Just because presents are lovely. How can it become expectation if it’s completely random? It’s Christmas, birthdays, Easter, etc that set up expectation.

We have riots over this with my in-laws. I am evil and mean because I set up amazon wish lists to buy from and they can’t go mad, but, it’s because after years of absolutly unsuitable shit that clutters up the house and I have had enough. Tell them next year they can buy what they want from the list.

@DecemberSnow can you adopt me and send me arts and crafts, sweets and magazines!

I’d be pissed off. But because I find that sort of excess nauseating after looking after kids with nothing in impoverished countries. It’s so wasteful.

I also love that the grandparents on here are the ones saying they don’t see the problem 😂

I still don't equate mountains of stuff with love. One wanted, well-chosen present is enough imo.

Agree with you, OP.

As long as it wasn’t a load of cheap tat I wouldn’t mind. You sound like you’re looking for problems tbh.

The presents at Christmas come from Santa, not GPs so let them have them and dont resent it.

I also love that the grandparents on here are the ones saying they don’t see the problem

Not in my case, I think the parents of our grandchildren probably think we’re mean because it’s two gifts at most. You can’t win.

The presents at Christmas come from Santa, not GPs

Says who @yellowallpaper? Lots of people, us included have small stockings only from Santa and everything else is from the people it's from. I can't see anything in OP's posts that suggests they do the Santa gives everything thing

Do people really say all the presents come from Santa? They certainly never have done in this family. The stocking comes from him and everything else is from the people who bought it.

In our house, stocking presents and one large 'headline' gift come from Santa. The tree presents come from family.

When I was little there would be one present from each family member. I find the idea that you would say, this ones from granny and this ones from granny and this one, and this one, and this one, oh and this one too, strange. If my dc had no family of course I would fill in the gaps with extra presents, but they have plenty.

Before xmas, MIL asked what DC would like. I mentioned 2 or 3 things thinking she could choose - she's given them about 20.

I do feel a bit sad - I diligently saved up every month to afford the things we bought dc and now it looks a bit rubbish. I know the dc don't care, but I still have feelings 🤷‍♀️

There's way too much stuff in the world, it makes me stressed seeing it or even thinking about it. But I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I'd probably just smile and say thanks (and maybe try and tactfully suggest doing something special together next year instead of the big 'pile').

I agree squash, when I was a kid (90s) it was one main gift and a few stockingfillers and then one gift from GPs and one from other relatives (we didn't have many). I find the 'piles' people talk about on MN quite stressful to think about TBH.

I think it’s more thoughtful and less wasteful to ask what someone wants and get them that or just send money or honestly, nothing at all is fine. I can’t stand clutter and waste.

I felt the exact same way when my children were younger. I felt that I needed to be the one to give them the big gift. My mother humoured me, but said that when it came to the big gift for Christmas, you really wouldn’t care who gave it to your kids as long as they got it. I’ve learned she is correct for me.

That said, it still rankles, so I completely understand why you’d be upset

I never said mountains of gifts equate to love. But I think that GP’s that clearly love their grandchildren in whatever form gives them joy is never a problem. Rather that than ones who aren’t interested. I’d love to have this problem tbh.

Oh stop making this all about you, how hard uou saved, what you got for Christmas. Give your kids the presents and be happy for them,