MIL's Xmas present haul

[Squashpocket]

We won't be seeing my PIL between now and Xmas, so MIL has given DH the dc's presents ahead of the big day. I've just had a look in the box and there's loads. An absolute shitload. It's way more than we've bought.

My first reaction was 'wow, that's generous!'. But after a bit of reflection I'm now feeling a bit...pissed off.

I'm not really precious enough to do or say anything, but I'm still secretly annoyed that: 1) we've been upstaged (the dc wont notice who bought the gift)
2) it's setting unrealistic expectations for future years (they probably won't remember)

So, obviously IABU. Anyone else's families do this? Does it piss you off?

The kids love tat though.

DecemberSnow

Set up a savings account - but them £20 gift and give them some independence last Erin life.

Stop sending stuff throughout the year, kids don’t need this all the time. It becomes an expectation.

I think it's jolly nice that they've bought loads. They wouldn't have done it had they not wanted to.

You're not in competition with parents when it comes to buying presents, they will be happy with whatever you bought them.

Enjoy!

The kids love tat though.

@malificent7 - do they, though? Mine will play with any new thing (tat or not) with enthusiasm, for between 2 and 5 minutes. Then, if it's tat, she'll usually get bored, because it's tat and has no actually play value or interest. If it's not tat, she can come back to it.

I fully get that there are some well-chosen toys that might look like tat to some, but to the right child they are solid gold. Obviously. But you have to know a child well for that, and if all their toys were tat, they'd get bored in any case.

What bugs me is MIL saying 'ooh, she loves it!' when she's bought us a binbag full of rubbish that DD will be bored with before we've even got halfway home on the journey between our house and MILs.

I find this thoughtless, sorry. The parents are the ones who wind up trying to find space for it, clearing it away, tripping over it. And then it all ends up in landfill. It also means parents end up feeling like they cannot treat their own child to an occasional gift because they are getting too much already.

People really should discuss this kind of thing with the parents first.

"Last year, got 6 year old niece about 20 presents..." That is really insane.

@nowaypose:
I'm crying with laughter here at the thought of your second hand gold glittery high heels.🤣🤣🤣
Please tell me you wear them for the school run and doing the gardening.
It says a lot about how your MIL views you - clearly, as a sophisticated sex goddess.

Put some away for a rainy February day or if they are ill. You don't have to give it all at once

This would annoy me. I hate it when people fill my house with clutter, all I see is landfill.

If your PIL are nice people who mean well, I would say nothing this year but in October next year I'd be asking them to help me in making the DC's Christmas less focused on presents and more focused on other traditions like time together, carols, baking, whatever else your family values. I'd say that one present is plenty.

For this year, if the children are small I'd put some of the presents aside after opening and donate them. If they are small they will be so overwhelmed on the day they won't remember every gift individually.

I wouldn’t be pleased about this tbh. On MN people will insist they’re just being generous and you’re ungrateful but seriously, who on earth decides they’re going to buy that amount of gifts knowing fine well that the children’s parents are already doing Santa?

Lots of parents would consider that number of gifts excessive and choose not to have that type of Christmas. Whether others agree or not I don’t think it’s ok for relatives to just decide what Christmas looks like in someone else’s house, that’s really overstepping. IMO people who go this ott are mostly indulging themselves in “playing Santa”, it’s more about them than the dc and actually in some cases they are competing with the parents!

My dear departed dad used to ADORE giving mountains of ‘wrapped things’. Every part of it- spending ages with scissors & tape, turning up with a mammoth Santa sack, watching everyone open things for an hour.

He’d buy everyone a ‘proper present’ then the others would be little (but useful) things. Sure, as teens we’d roll our eyes at a box of ballpoint pens, but later in the year we’d silently thank him! And use those pens for ‘extra luck’ at exam time. For some reason, adults tended to get aluminium foil & packets of salt (before fancy salt was a thing!) as well as bulk sticky tape and tinned food! We’d have a laugh.

He’s been gone 10 years this Xmas, and I’ve just used the last salt in the Xmas cooking. It turns out to have been very special to have his ‘bulk supplies’ in the kitchen store all this time!

Just sayin, lots of presents needn’t mean loads of plastic useless landfill tat.

And on the ‘2nd hand‘ topic, I’m just now wrapping a full box set of Beatrix potter booklets I found at the charity shop. Brand new in all original packaging. £1.50. Granted, someone prolly priced it incorrectly or didn’t realise its value, but wow! Bargains can still be had!

I dropped off about £40 of good quality donations, carefully vetted, so I know someone will get a bargain from me too- for charity shops to ‘work’ I reckon it has to be quality emphasis at both ends.

I'd be annoyed too. My granddaughter is still little but we do 2 small presents and send a cheque for her savings account. She has a massive family and even one present of everyone is going to take up loads of room in their small house. I doubt we'll change as she gets older, it's fun looking for the perfect gift.

Give some for Christmas and then give one a month until they're all open. It will be a treat receiving a gift monthly especially in January when money is tight. Next summer have a conversation and ask for gift cards, savings contributions or experience gifts.

Last year, got 6 year old niece about 20 presents...

^^This would piss me right off. It cheapens everything.....the kid plowing through present after present and unable properly appreciate or focus on anything.

Trying to make yourself the center of the kids Christmas experience over the child's own parents. Not charming IMO.

I feel your pain my MIL must get my DC the biggest, the most expensive, and the most annoying things ever. My daughters first Christmas she went over board, it was never ending. Then she sent stuff up that she "forgot" about a week later.
BUT, these same people would drive past our house daily, and refuse to come in, and see my DC. It's all for show.
My friend always told me to go through everything first, and then put some stuff away. I always ended up donating the majority of stuff to my DC crèche.

Mil presents were opened on Christmas eve here. It was very fun to begin the night before.

My DM passed away suddenly and unexpectedly when my dc were pretty young (8 and 10). Please try to make the best of it and be happy. Life is a bumpy road with unforeseen curves.

This is only a competition if you let it become one; don't please. YOU ARE their mother. You wlll always be first unless you raise selfish dc who value things more than you.

Oh ffs ... The MIL probably had no idea she's causing this much fuss and isn't doing it for any other reason than she wants to give her GC a nice time. BUT what if there's a deeper reason she does it? what if it fills an emotional need in her?
Mum does this for all of us including the adults and partners for a simple reason. She loves to do it and it causes no 'harm' if we get something we don't want or like then we thank her and at a later date it goes to charity. It's only a big deal if YOU make it into a big deal

you're pissed off because your kids have received alot of gifts. you must be very privileged for that to be your reaction.
Simple- donate it or keep some away for another time.

I can't stand relatives trying to upstage Santa

God id love that, my DC's grandmother doesn't give a shit about our DC because they dared to be born with disabilities. She hadn't seen them for well over 10 years but lavishes time and gifts on her other DC.........the same as she did ours before we knew they had difficulties.

Yes. It probably is a bit annoying but she won't mean any harm by it. I'd stagger the opening of them until the new year so it isn't too much stuff at once.

We don’t do Santa, he’s just the delivery guy so no one to upstage.

You chose how and what she bought and MIL did the same. Surely it’s about the children not you?

Mine never met their grandmother, so haven’t had the experience of random items or being spoilt by them ta Christmas. Instead of complaining you have been upstaged I’d be thinking how lucky your children are instead.

Buying 20 gifts is ridiculous. We have a relative who does this and I’ve tried to say a number of times that the children would actually like something meaningful, or something they can enjoy throughout the year. Activities, lessons we can’t afford.

But it goes in one ear and out the other so I have started regifting stuff before it even gets to Christmas. It’s all poundshop tat so I don’t even feel bad.

Personally I would hate it and yes would feel upstaged. I have a family set where the grandparents provide as many presents as the over the top parents. So the kids have a normal Christmas opening presents at home then go to grandparents and have the same amount to open again! They all love it but personally i would hate it.

I have suffered from this overload of tat for the children (and us) from the IL's for the last decade and it absolutely infuriates me as most of it is just the love of buying stuff on their part. I have watched my children sit surrounded by piles of stuff and wrapping paper and looking so bewildered it's just wrong. I go armed with a big blue Ikea bag for each of us and as I pack it up, it's charity or keep. Last year more than 75% between us was the former but just this week I've found unopened boxes of construction kits they got last year. They LOVE the Danish brick and yet every year they get other construction toys that just don't get a look in. I can never decide which angers me more, the waste of resources or the waste of money.
This year they claimed to have reigned it in but my mum will be with us at the IL's on Christmas Day and she won't be able to keep her mouth shut about the waste it's gonna be fun.

YABU - but yes SIL did this and it did piss me off.