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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not know how to tackle this?

111 replies

EowynDernhelm · 19/12/2019 17:55

I feel like this is massively unreasonable, that I have reached almost 50, and still struggle to tackle difficult situations. What would you do/say?

I pay someone to do a service weekly on our property. To say exactly what would be outing, sorry.

I have generally been really happy with the service they provide. I have had no problems til now, other than occasional lack of update on how it goes. I am usually not there when they provide the service, as I have used them for quite a while, and trust them. It is not always possible to know visually if they have actually done the service.

Today I left a Christmas card and present on top of the equipment for the service, untouched - I could tell if it had been. They could use their own, but my equipment has been specially provided, and they always do use mine, and to use theirs would mean dragging it a long way from the car park they use. When I got back to the property, I noticed the card and present were still there. I had a message earlier to say the service had been done. I asked if they had picked up the Christmas present and they said they hadn't noticed it.

My DH thinks they have not done the service. They say they definitely have. I don't know how to tackle this. If I challenge them, we could end up with bad feeling, and I don't want to lose them for this, they are really good at it. But I feel uneasy that they might not have done it, and are taking advantage. How do I handle this?

And am I unreasonable for being unable to handle this kind of thing at my age?

OP posts:
Winkywoop · 19/12/2019 18:00

Can't you just look to see if it's been done?

Why is it outing to say you have someone to clean/hoover/mow the lawn/rake leaves ? Confused

chillykiwi · 19/12/2019 18:03

If I challenge them, we could end up with bad feeling, and I don't want to lose them for this, they are really good at it. But I feel uneasy that they might not have done it, and are taking advantage. How do I handle this?

I'd ask them if there was a problem with the equipment that you provided for them to do the service with as you noticed that it hadn't been used. They presumably are doing it each week if you have noticed that they are good at it so by asking about the equipment you are asking without criticising them.

I doubt it would be that outing (unless it's a very personal service, in which case you'd have been there to know they hadn't used the equipment!) to say what the service is, other people must have the same service from them or their business would have gone bankrupt.

Drum2018 · 19/12/2019 18:04

Ask I feel your equipment was working ok as you thought there may be a problem with it. If they answer yes then you'll know they are lying.

Drum2018 · 19/12/2019 18:04

Ask if...

Original poster
EowynDernhelm · 19/12/2019 18:13

No, it isn't massively easy to tell if it's been done. Today, I cannot tell by looking if it has happened.

And no, it's not gardening or housework - that would be quite normal and not outing at all, would it! The reason I can't say is that it's far more niche than that.

Haha! No, definitely not THAT kind of personal service.

Asking if everything is ok with my equipment provided could work - it was in a cupboard, with the card/gift on top, so they'd not automatically see the card/gift unless they opened the cupboard.

I am just shit at wording stuff! And hate conflict.

OP posts:
ElluesPichulobu · 19/12/2019 18:14

it's normal to feel terrified of confrontation in a circumstance like this. what you do will depend on how easy it will be to replace this person.

If possible, simply let them know that you no longer require their services and appoint someone else.

either they didn't do it at all, or they did some kind of half-baked using different equipment which is contrary to the agreement between you. either way you can't prove what happened in the absence of CCTV footage. however it is not necessary to prove exactly what happened because this isn't a criminal trial. you have no obligation to use this person's services. you no longer trust them and you have no obligation to let someone you don't trust into your home.

it's a lot trickier if they are irreplaceable!

chillykiwi · 19/12/2019 18:18

No, it isn't massively easy to tell if it's been done. Today, I cannot tell by looking if it has happened.

If you can't tell then do you actually need the service at all?

Myusername101 · 19/12/2019 18:22

If I went to someone's house and they weren't in and there was an obvious present obviously for me I wouldn't feel comfortable just taking it, you should have said before they went the present is there feel free to take it.

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2019 18:22

You can get some really cheap cameras online

Perhaps get some installed if you can't trust him or her?

rudolfsquiffy · 19/12/2019 18:22

Is it within the realms of possibility that they didn't notice it, or so impossible your instinct says they are lying?

LochJessMonster · 19/12/2019 18:24

If the present was on top of the equipment then there is no way they used the equipment is there?

saturnnc · 19/12/2019 18:26

Dog walker? You left the present on top of the dog leads?

I would get a little camera, can get them cheap off amazon. Or have you considered a ring doorbell or similar?

Knickersinonehand · 19/12/2019 18:28

Could you ask one of your neighbours if they'd noticed them visiting the property?

FatBlobbyBob · 19/12/2019 18:30

Maybe they haven't done it for weeks?

BrieAndChilli · 19/12/2019 18:32

I really can’t think of any service that would be outing unless you employ someone to come round and polish your dildo or someone to clean your pool full of wee then most likely there are 100’s if not 1000’s of people using the same service!!

BlueJava · 19/12/2019 18:32

Install a camera then you'll find out. Our very cheap camera saved us a lot of money indeed!

chillykiwi · 19/12/2019 18:33

Are there there to empty the septic tank? Mind you, you'd notice if that wasn't done - we certainly would.

MoonlightBonnet · 19/12/2019 18:33

Just ask them whether they used your equipment.

AlexaAmbidextra · 19/12/2019 18:37

Are there there to empty the septic tank?

A septic tank doesn’t need to be emptied weekly! 😱

chillykiwi · 19/12/2019 18:37

you would hope not!

beautifulstranger101 · 19/12/2019 18:39

Get a nanny cam. The only way you'll truly find out is by using a camera.
It sounds suspicious to me, I dont think they've done it.

windycuntryside · 19/12/2019 18:39

Ring doorbell. Motion sensor tells you if they arrive , when , and when the leave.

windycuntryside · 19/12/2019 18:40

No good for this occasion but you say you trust them.... benefit of doubt this time but be proactive to insuring this doesn’t happen again .

mummmy2017 · 19/12/2019 18:41

You need a camera, as right now it is your word against theirs.

windycuntryside · 19/12/2019 18:41

I think you have swimming pool clean service