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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not know how to tackle this?

111 replies

EowynDernhelm · 19/12/2019 17:55

I feel like this is massively unreasonable, that I have reached almost 50, and still struggle to tackle difficult situations. What would you do/say?

I pay someone to do a service weekly on our property. To say exactly what would be outing, sorry.

I have generally been really happy with the service they provide. I have had no problems til now, other than occasional lack of update on how it goes. I am usually not there when they provide the service, as I have used them for quite a while, and trust them. It is not always possible to know visually if they have actually done the service.

Today I left a Christmas card and present on top of the equipment for the service, untouched - I could tell if it had been. They could use their own, but my equipment has been specially provided, and they always do use mine, and to use theirs would mean dragging it a long way from the car park they use. When I got back to the property, I noticed the card and present were still there. I had a message earlier to say the service had been done. I asked if they had picked up the Christmas present and they said they hadn't noticed it.

My DH thinks they have not done the service. They say they definitely have. I don't know how to tackle this. If I challenge them, we could end up with bad feeling, and I don't want to lose them for this, they are really good at it. But I feel uneasy that they might not have done it, and are taking advantage. How do I handle this?

And am I unreasonable for being unable to handle this kind of thing at my age?

OP posts:

FlyingNorth · 19/12/2019 18:44

A niche service that you can't easily see ... are they feeding your pet storks?

HighlyUnlikely · 19/12/2019 18:45

OP, you do realise this thread will be totally derailed by posters driving themselves demented trying to work out what this ’niche service’ could possibly be, don’t you?!

Here’s my guess - fish smoking hut?

ShirleyPhallus · 19/12/2019 18:46

I’m only here for the niche service too. Something to do with horses?!

ViserionTheDragon · 19/12/2019 18:49

Sounds like they haven't done the service going by what you said, OP. If that is the case, why would you want to keep them? I think the advice of getting a camera is good, that way you will know for sure.

AllergicToAMop · 19/12/2019 18:52

The "too outing" hobby is always cycling so I will apply it to service too.
Is it weekly bike service because your DH or you have the "too outing" hobby and need bikes serviced weekly?

Or skull remover😁

CrohnicallyEarly · 19/12/2019 18:53

I was going to guess swimming pool too.

AllergicToAMop · 19/12/2019 18:53

Back to your question. It is really just their word against theirs. I would tend to agree with your DH tbh.

BlaueLagune · 19/12/2019 18:57

If you can't tell if they've done it, I'd say it doesn't need doing weekly anyway and you could probably save yourself money and get it done monthly!

pallisers · 19/12/2019 18:57

I'd tend to agree with your dh but not sure what you can do about it.
Years ago we had a dogwalker and the postman (who came at the same time) told us that a lot of the time she didn't bother to actually walk the dog. If it is anything to do with animals who could be hurt by lack of service, you need to find out.

Original poster

EowynDernhelm · 19/12/2019 18:57

Yes, the service absolutely does need doing, even if I cannot tell by eye if it has been done. No, there is no way of being sure it has happened - or not.

I take the point about whether I'd feel comfortable to take something, even with my name on, and had meant to message to say it was there, but totally forgot. No way they could not see it, it was sat right on top of my equipment.

They absolutely could provide the service with their equipment, but have not done so, as I provide all that is needed.

No neighbours, we are immensely rural, so cannot ask if they've seen anyone. Camera in some form is a possibility, but being so rural, hell of a set up and not cheap - it is on my list of things to do!

I definitely do not want to part with this person without a bloody good reason - they are excellent at what they do (when I have been there to see them do it!), and while there are others who do this service, they are the best I have found. I like this person also - and have placed quite a bit of trust in them up til now.

As per previous posters, to save everyones curiosity on the service, shall we agree they are feeding my pet storks that live on top of my fish smoking hut? Hahaha!

OP posts:

HalyardHitch · 19/12/2019 19:00

I don't think this person performed the service either. I vote dog walking

Stickybeaksid · 19/12/2019 19:00

Air hoovering, fish cleaning, rug fluffing? I NEED TO KNOW

Frozenfan2019 · 19/12/2019 19:05

Dog walking isn't a niche service surely. Unusual pet cage cleaning?

0blio · 19/12/2019 19:07

Oh for goodness sake just tell us!
A service that needs doing but you can't tell if it's been done? And you pay for this?

LL83 · 19/12/2019 19:08

I think this proves they aren't doing the service every week and would lose trust.

If they are so good or in such short supply you are willing to keep going on this basis of paying for weekly but receiving less say nothing. If not get someone else as trust is gone.

chillykiwi · 19/12/2019 19:09

Are they bringing livestock to cover one of your other animals?

AllergicToAMop · 19/12/2019 19:09

Exactly. Dog walking isn't niche. But! Alligator walking...

FlyingNorth · 19/12/2019 19:10

Sorry to be flippant. My first thought was that they hadn't provided the service. It sounds unlikely from what you've said that they wouls use their own equipment, so I would have thought they'd at least mention the present. It would be obvious it was intended for them from where you'd left it.

I'm revising my guess to something that takes place on your estate (and we're not talking Peckham), maybe checking fences?

LL83 · 19/12/2019 19:10

Can you be about more often when service happens? Weekly at first then spot checks?

FlyingNorth · 19/12/2019 19:12

Are they bringing livestock to cover one of your other animals? Yeah, difficult to check that one .

GiveHerHellFromUs · 19/12/2019 19:12

It doesn't matter how niche the service is because the rest of your story is pretty specific.

Anyway, just ask. You're paying for a service so no harm in making sure it's actually been done

BlaueLagune · 19/12/2019 19:12

The equipment is in a cupboard but you say it would be a pain to bring theirs from the car park they use. But it's obviously not that big (unless your cupboard is HUGE). Maybe they did use their own?

Maybe ask them if there was a problem with your equipment as you noticed it hadn't been used as they didn't take the present and you think it's inconvenient for them to use theirs?

Seriously, whatever this service is, it can't be so unique that everyone will know it's you. If you give us more of an idea we might be able to give you better help.

That said, to go back to your original question - yes at the age of nearly 50 you should be able to deal with this. But in the real world we often can't because it's embarrassing and if you've been happy so far, it seems confrontational.

Marmablade · 19/12/2019 19:12

The service is dog walking and the equipment is a dog lead.

Well that's my guess anyway. I would ask some questions about the service and say can you tell me a bit about how it went today because I'm confused and I'd really appreciate your help. Then if they 'hang themselves' with their lies you serve them notice and get a new service provider. Catch them out lying. Tell them why you won't be using them any more and find a new one.

LittleLongDog · 19/12/2019 19:13

I vote something to do with animals too. Livestock? A horse?

Anyway, I would say to them. ‘I’m a bit confused, I left your present literally on top of X. You couldn’t miss it. Are you sure you did Y today?’

EggysMom · 19/12/2019 19:13

Dog poop collector.

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