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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me find my Christmas spirit, we are alone again/forever...

87 replies

IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 15:38

I cannot find the will to get the Christmas decorations out. DS is 16 and not bothered about Christmas, we have no family in the country, the vast majority of my friends disappear to visit their own families in Christmas, BF will be here but his kids are with their mum until the new year, his mum died last year and his brother is not interested in meeting anyone in Christmas.

Could you suggest what 3 people can do in Christmas to avoid feeling so terribly lonely? It just feel ridiculous to do all the Christmas dinner faff for just 3 people but then... it does seems that this is “Christmas” from now on.

Ps. Can’t go on holidays or book a nice place for dinner because I have to pay for some urgent work the house needs Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 15:40

Ok, no vote to make... got distracted and forgot to turn the vote facility off. Any suggestions, most welcome.

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Aquamarine1029 · 19/12/2019 15:41

I would just have a relaxing time together. A simple meal, maybe a take away, watch some movies, whatever. Just enjoy your time together.

formerbabe · 19/12/2019 15:42

Lots of pubs will be open...you don't need to go for lunch or a meal...just walk down and have a few drinks

WeirdCatLady · 19/12/2019 15:44

There’s always just us three for Christmas too. Nice food, nice drinks, a family movie and normally a new board game. Just a nice relaxed day together. Christmas is what you make it, so make yours fabulous Xmas Smile

Hazardexhausted · 19/12/2019 15:46

We're similar just me, DP and dog. If you cant do the whole lot then just put up some fairy lights so its cosy and then go for a pj or loungewear day with tasty easy to cook food.

LauraMacArthur · 19/12/2019 15:48

I'm an only child and sometimes had Xmas day with just my parents - no inherent problem with that afaic. I stopped liking Xmas as a teenager but I think that was because my parents placed/place to much emphasis on it and expected too much. I would have loved a relaxing day off not being nagged to enjoy cracker jokes or questioned about my life!. You could do a special roast dinner but without every single addition - just the ones you all like? Or pizza if you want? Totally up to you. Would he do a board game and then relax?

NomNomNomNom · 19/12/2019 15:49

I would just do a simple Christmas dinner. If you buy a Turkey crown (they're about £20 in Co-op) some stuffing balls and pigs in blankets (both for £5 in Co-op), a packet of sprouts and if you can't be bothered doing roasts just buy ready made then it'll come in for under £30 an require no effort. Watch a film you all like or go for a drive/walk. Play a game you all like, treat yourself to a bottle of baileys/whisky/whatever your tipple is. Chocolate Yule log or Christmas pudding. Then a little pressie each. Lots of people have nice, relaxing Christmases doesn't have to be a huge family party.

Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 15:51

BF and I have the week free so eating a lot and staying in pijamas, I’m sure it is going to happen... wonder if we should do something adventurous like going to see the dawn by the coast or have an internet free day.... actually there is a little village near me that has no network coverage and a few lovely pubs... I’ll check if any is open.

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Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 15:54

Oh... forgot about the dog, we are four then. We love the little thing but she doesn’t travel well.

Mind you, it would be lovely to find a little cottage for one night only that accepts dogs... we can get the dinner from Iceland and be happy.

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Cosmos45 · 19/12/2019 15:55

There was just me, my husband and the dog a few years ago. There has been some family conflict and everyone needed a bit of breathing space so we ended up on our own. We could have gone to friends but I didn't want that at the time. I was feeling pretty much how you sound now. However, its amazing what a few twinkly lights can do and a nice tree. I have put up some lights in the kitchen ( I work from home in the kitchen) and it's so comforting and festive. We don't have children either so no need for much effort but it does brighten up a dull day/evening with some gorgeous lights adorned in a few places. Admittedly you don't have to go the whole hog but a nice walk, perhaps a drink in a cosy pub and a nice lunch will still make you feel festive.

mismo · 19/12/2019 16:04

Volunteer and help those less fortunate, it might help to see what a really despondent Christmas is about.

Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 16:10

Lots of people have nice, relaxing Christmases doesn't have to be a huge family party.

I think that is the thing... I have a huge extended family... abroad. And we used to get together around Christmas, ending up with a party of about 60 people, so it is not bad to be 3 but after all that company it just feels... terribly lonely. But it seems that this is now the way forward, so I better accept it and make the best of it!

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Fightingmycorner2019 · 19/12/2019 16:12

Me and DP have split up and he leaves after Xmas to another country
It’s going to be awful !!!!!!! Ugh

I whilst I get your post (really I do ) just try and have a really nice day and don’t get distracted by the TV and magazines depicting massive families xx

Fightingmycorner2019 · 19/12/2019 16:13

And
Same here my family has massively shrunk
But need to paste in a smile for my little
Ones

HollowTalk · 19/12/2019 16:15

Volunteer and help those less fortunate, it might help to see what a really despondent Christmas is about.

I hate it when people make this sort of post. It makes me think they have no empathy at all, yet they are advising the OP to show some empathy.

Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 16:15

Mismo, I have done quite a lot of volunteering in the past for Christmas, not the easy thing of serving Christmas dinner to less fortunate people but getting supplies to families to help them to survive the winter... I remember on one of those occasions a mum asked one of my friends to take one of her newborn twins because she didn’t have enough milk and thought the only chance for them to survive the winter was giving one away Sad

Honestly, after seeing such level of poverty I sometimes find it difficult to engage with people who found themselves on the street due to drug use. Would be happy to help with old lonely people though.

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HollowTalk · 19/12/2019 16:18

OP, there isn't a house in the country that doesn't look great with fairy lights. You don't have to go overboard and paint your windows with snowmen Grin but some lights up, a vase of holly and a kitchen cupboard full of treats will really cheer you all up.

KingscoteStaff · 19/12/2019 16:19

Beach picnic with campfire? Then pub when it gets cold? A rocket each to send up when it gets dark?

Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 16:19

Me and DP have split up and he leaves after Xmas to another country. It’s going to be awful !!!!!!! Ugh

I’m very sorry to hear that, Flowers from the bottom of my heart, I was there years ago and it feels awful. We are in this situation through splits, it does get better but the first year is always difficult.

I hope you have family/friends around, if not... wonder if you are near me... we could organise something Smile

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Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 16:21

Cosmos... I’ll get the fairy lights out. I have some star candles from another Christmas party that I can get out as well.

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SebandAlice · 19/12/2019 16:23

I would do a nice Christmas meal for all of you. Christmas music on and candles lit. Maybe a trip to the pub or a nice walk after. Then back for a cocktail, Christmas film and cheese/chocolate.

If you don’t make an effort it won’t be a nice day.

mismo · 19/12/2019 16:23

I have plenty of empathy, which is why I suggested helping others instead of sitting around wallowing in your own self pity, I spent years on my own with three children and made the best of it, I will spend Christmas day with one of my daughters, her partner and my grand children, then I will go home and continue life pretty much on my own, I count myself lucky, that I at least have a family and home to go back to, and before you ask or assume, yes, I will be volunteering at some point over Christmas.

Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 16:24

@LauraMacArthur interesting point... I guess my son feels like that sometimes being an only child, a couple of years ago it was only my, my son and the dog, or better said, me and the dog, as DS, being the typical teen was only emerging from his bedroom/Xbox for food. The dog and I walked for miles that Christmas, I didn’t want to burden DS with my own loneliness.

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formerbabe · 19/12/2019 16:26

I have plenty of empathy, which is why I suggested helping others instead of sitting around wallowing in your own self pity

Empathy is not telling others there's plenty worse off than them. What you're demonstrating is empathy for those you deem unfortunate enough.

Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 16:28

Mismo, I al not wallowing in self pity, just asking for suggestions on what to do on the day with 3 people.

That holier than thou attitude to volunteering is the main reason why I stopped volunteering.

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