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Original poster

Help me find my Christmas spirit, we are alone again/forever...

87 replies

IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 15:38

I cannot find the will to get the Christmas decorations out. DS is 16 and not bothered about Christmas, we have no family in the country, the vast majority of my friends disappear to visit their own families in Christmas, BF will be here but his kids are with their mum until the new year, his mum died last year and his brother is not interested in meeting anyone in Christmas.

Could you suggest what 3 people can do in Christmas to avoid feeling so terribly lonely? It just feel ridiculous to do all the Christmas dinner faff for just 3 people but then... it does seems that this is “Christmas” from now on.

Ps. Can’t go on holidays or book a nice place for dinner because I have to pay for some urgent work the house needs Confused

OP posts:
mismo · 19/12/2019 17:16

Thank you, someone who gets where I'm coming from.

autumnmum · 19/12/2019 17:17

My family are all board game mad and so I always buy a couple of new ones each Christmas. No phones, huge platter of nibbles, drinks everyone likes, Christmas tunes on in the background. Highly recommend Pandemic and Ticket to Ride. Also Google minute to win it games. We've had huge fun threading cheerios on to strands of spaghetti or chucking bean bags through a step ladder! No doubt someone will come on here with a story about how they knew a family that was murdered over a board game, but it works for us 😁. We live in a village so I also let all my friends know if they need a break from their family situation pop round to ours for a cuppa or something stronger. We are having a very quiet Christmas this year and I am really looking forward to it. There must be some films you've always wanted to watch, or food you've always wanted to try? We even make eating competative and often do a taste test (this year we have eaten so many different mince pies I don't think I could eat anymore). Try something new and see what happens.

Lindy2 · 19/12/2019 17:19

You don't need lots of people to have a Christmas. Plenty of people are in family groups of 2 or 3 on Christmas day.

What do you like doing together? There are lots of options depending on what you like to do. ie

  • pub and then home for dinner
  • a long walk and a Christmas picnic
  • slobbing infront of the tv and stuffing your faces on your favourite foods
  • volunteering
  • church

Decide what suits you best and enjoy the day.

Fightingmycorner2019 · 19/12/2019 17:31

Ah thanks ! I wasn’t asking for pity but yes I ducking hate Xmas and more so this year

And having gone from large family to this i SO get you xxx

We will watch Kramer versus Kramer , war of the roses and that new Netflix film with Scarlett Johanssen Grin

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 19/12/2019 17:35

I can't actually understand what was so wrong in suggesting volunteering over Christmas,

It was the snarky "it might help to see what a really despondent Christmas is about.". And how you "said" it.

Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 17:35

I like the idea of avoiding the “shoulds”. I would be much happier with a proper steak with wine sauce, than with a roast dinner.

I’m going to consult that with the other 2, I think we should get what we love rather than what we should.

OP posts:
Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 17:46

We will watch Kramer versus Kramer
Nooo, it is not the right film after a split! But if you insist I can add some others in the same vain to your list: Boyhood, Marriage Story, Room, Not Without my Daughter, Nights in Rodante and the list goes on Grin

You know, you are heading for the most fantastic time of your life, you will grow a lot as a person and as a mum you will get closer to your in an amazing way, whatever people think about divorce this was the making of us. Enjoy the ride, it will make you the best person you can be. (So absolute no pity from my side 🙂)

OP posts:
marchingonwithmother · 19/12/2019 17:54

But it might have helped the OP to see what a really despondent Christmas is (well, at least before we found out OP has volunteered before).

The question was "help me find my Christmas spirit/stop me from feeling blue and lonely".

A few hours at the food bank watching children lugging smart price tins home with their starving parents would help me sort my moody arse out! If I was moody, I'm not cause it's chriiiistmaaas

I didn't pick up any sarcasm in the posts or nastiness so maybe it's the way it was read by some.

marchingonwithmother · 19/12/2019 17:56

OP my suggestion is gambling. And beer Grin

A pile of scratchcards, any game played for decent stakes money, a quiz, pre-recorded horse racing.

Booby prizes for the losers, cash or scratchcards for the winners

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 19/12/2019 18:01

I don't honestly see what was so wrong with what mismo suggested, tbh. Try being completely on your own for Christmas OP. Wake up alone. Spend the day alone. Go to bed alone. Puts things into perspective, no?

FabbyChix · 19/12/2019 18:04

My sons 26 we been alone for years always have a tree and a dinner

Pumperthepumper · 19/12/2019 18:05

The gambling idea is genius, I love it [santa]

SmileEachDay · 19/12/2019 18:12

That's just the thing, I wasn't being unkind, I made what I thought was a reasonable suggestion

It is reasonable. Giving is part of Christmas and being thankful is the absolute top of the list when it comes to making you feel better and more positive. That and fresh air.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 19/12/2019 18:40

@mismo ' I made what I thought was a reasonable suggestion'.

It wasn't your suggestion that was unreasonable. It was your unpleasant tone throughout your messages.

user1497997754 · 19/12/2019 18:44

How about feeling grateful for what you have and just enjoying each other's company .....it's not all about doing things.....sometimes it's just about being together being healthy and happy x

Ragwort · 19/12/2019 18:48

I don’t see what’s wrong with just the three of you? Confused. We have an only child so have spent a few Christmas Days just three of us (& yes, we have volunteered at our local Church cooking & serving lunch to the lonely old folk Grin). We would go to church, have a walk, a nice meal, open presents, watch the Queen’s speech, have a few drinks, play cards or board games, watch a film .... what else do people do ? Grin

Years ago (first marriage) I can remember doing the ironing on Christmas Day as there didn’t seem much else to do Grin.

MurrayTheMonk · 19/12/2019 18:50

It's the first year I won't have my kids as they are at their Dads and I'm finding the thought of it a hard.
I'm going to work Christmas morning, but DP and I will make the most of Christmas Eve (dinner and drinks in the local pub which is cosy) and Christmas Day when I am back from work-we'll do presents, dog walk and evening nice meal for two. It won't be the same (and I know it won't feel like Christmas to me really), but I'm hoping it will be nice in its own way. And if not-well it's just one day...and one day is nothing in the scheme of things....

Winter2020 · 19/12/2019 19:08

"It just feel ridiculous to do all the Christmas dinner faff for just 3 people"

There might be only you plus two but they are the two most important people in your world. It's not ridiculous to make Xmas dinner if that is what you would all enjoy eating. You don't need to over think it - it's just a nice roast with some sprouts and pigs in blankets really. You could do enough to eat leftovers on boxing day. If you would prefer something else of course do that.

I wouldn't take too much notice of a 16 year old saying that they are not bothered. Just lead and they will follow. Not too much expectation on them but for them to enjoy dinner with you and watch a film or play a game (with lots of other time to themselves) is not too much to ask.

I hope you do enjoy your day

RhiWrites · 19/12/2019 19:11

My Christmas this year is me, partner and two cats and I’m looking forward to it. All my travelling is already done for the year and we have no one but ourselves to please. Bliss!

Fightingmycorner2019 · 19/12/2019 19:11

Thanks
You have cheered me up !

Xmas sucks . It’s awful but I remember such happy ones when I was a kids and feel
So guilty

But as you said
Maybe next year without a moody man lurking —- could be a happier time

Here is hoping

RuffleCrow · 19/12/2019 19:14

Some of spend every year in a similar way and not through choice- are you saying our small celebrations are 'pointless'? Thanks op. Sad

Original poster
IdiotInDisguise · 19/12/2019 19:15

Good grief people, I asked for ideas on what to do when we are a small number. I have over 30 cousins, so doing it small is something I’m only doing for the second time in my life. Nothing wrong with it, is it?

Don’t pity me, I have not been abandoned or my family cut links with me, we live in different continents and my mother is sending photos from California as we speak Smile

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 19/12/2019 19:15

We are often just the 3 of us for celebrations. I don’t find it lacking. You don’t need a crowd to make a special meal.

RuffleCrow · 19/12/2019 19:17

It's the way you phrased it op.

marchingonwithmother · 19/12/2019 19:21

You said you were so terribly lonely. That's quite an overwhelming feeling and not at all lighthearted.

@mismo got laid into for her apparent "tone" went straight over my head when she actually made a decent suggestion