The ‘work wife’

[GrannyBags]

My boss sometimes refers to me as his ‘work wife’. For context, he is a vicar and I’m his PA. His wife is my closest friend and our families spend a lot of time together. I noticed on here a couple of posters objecting to the term but didn’t think anything of it until a person I know got very upset and said that it is ‘code’ for the people concerned having an affair! A
Cringing a bit now. AIBU in thinking it’s just a bit of fun?

I think the term "work wife" just means someone you get on well with at work . I think you may be overthinking it a a little bit!

A colleague and myself were called this by other colleagues. We actually called ourselves evil twins separated at birth. I have retired early due to ill health but we are still in touch. He came to dinner this week and is now great friends with DH. I was the only woman who went on his stag do.

*Proves my point. It's inherently misogynist.

The man uses it, because he sees the woman as serving his every need. Just like a wife.

🙄 x a million.*

This. It defines a person by their relationship with someone else —a man— .

My husband has a work husband. I’m pretty certain they’re not having an affair.

'I never thought it was code for anything either but I hate the term. Does anyone ever get called a "work husband" out of curiosity?'
YUP! I have had work husbands and wives.

'Does anyone, who isn't gay, have a same-sex work-wife or work-husband?'
YUP in our office you;'re sexuality is irrelevant, our hetero director has a work hubbie ( also straight)
And I've had both 'husbands' and 'women'

It has nothing to do with having an affair, for heaven's sake -- as a few pps have said, it's a repellently misogynistic phrase which constructs a woman who is paid to do a professional role as a 'wife', because that's how the creep in question views his wife's role, and by extension all women's.

Tell him you are a professional doing a professional job, and that he might want to choose his words far more carefully.

I have a work husband. There are also an awful lot of younger ones than me who address me as work Mum.

Thing is though, both parties have to agree to being a 'spouse' and have a laugh about it. You can't claim a 'husband' or 'wife' if they aren't in on it obvs!

We had two colleagues ( total work spouses BTW but really fractious cos he drives her barmy - he's the younger. asst to her) where the guy called her his work 'wife' in front of us all at a lunch and she handed him his arse on a plate. Apparently she has higher aspirations for a work spouse...

It also suggests a total lack of imagination. Many of us have people we work closely with at work, and who have our backs, and we don't slot them into pseudo-marital roles. I have a male colleague and a female colleague to whom I am very close, and on whom I have worked, separately, very closely on major projects over years, and it has never once occurred to me to regard them as a 'work wife' or a 'work husband'.

My god, why do people overthink these things so much. I have a "work husband", we're good friends, I tell him where he needs to be and when because he's hopeless, and sometimes bring him food (or he doesn't eat and gets cranky). We have great banter, and he's not tried to stick it in me even once. Ffs. Why is the world so full of paranoid and dramatic women?

Certainly in my case its nothing to do with perceived gender roles, but because we work well together, support each other but also have a bit of banter and nag each other.
The work mum role is more exactly as it sounds. I help them with their problems, tell them to eat properly and to make sure they get enough sleep, lend them a shoulder to cry on, a lot of them are uni students and the same age as my children.

Oh, it's fine. There seem to be plenty of work husbands around too (in fact, thinking about it, it's a good description of my male DP's male work partner, although they don't use the term).

Woah - didn’t expect this to cause quite so much drama. Thanks for all your replies, I’ll read through them all in a bit.

Harmless unless you’re saying he behaves unprofessionally towards you. In which case you will know what to do. Sick and tired of Bigots... anything is bound to annoy someone. It should be your working relationship which should matter & not what other people think. Most people don’t have good working relationships and I think your boss values you hence why he uses the term. At the end of the day only you know what is right for you not others

It's a bit of an annoying term for people of different sexes who get on well. Just seems a bit unimaginative to me. A bit like when a boy and girl toddler are friends and their parents start cooing about them being "boyfriend and girlfriend".

I’ve had male colleagues who I’ve got on with very well. Some I’ve worked for and some worked for me but I wouldn’t refer to them as a work husband- I’ve got 1 husband and that’s plenty thanks.

Yuck very cringey

I don't think its code for an affair though.

My god, why do people overthink these things so much. I have a "work husband", we're good friends, I tell him where he needs to be and when because he's hopeless, and sometimes bring him food (or he doesn't eat and gets cranky). We have great banter, and he's not tried to stick it in me even once. Ffs. Why is the world so full of paranoid and dramatic women?

100% THIS

Work wife or husband. It's not sexist or insulting. It's a common term for two people, usually of the opposite sex, who work together closely and who get on. It says nothing about who is whose boss. It's a nice thing.

"Work wife" and "work husband" as phrases are pathetic and to be blunt, bloody childish. If any colleague said that to me, I'd tell them not to again. It's unprofessional.

Harmless unless you’re saying he behaves unprofessionally towards you

The last time I looked, naming was behaviour because saying is doing.

I'll break it down: Oh, I was only saying you are my bitch, not behaving towards you as though you were my bitch. So not unprofessional. Oh no.

I don’t see an issue with the term. Just a bit of fun. But no doubt you’ll get someone on here soon enough moaning about nothing.

Oh well, that was me then. I still stand by what I said.

My best friend and I used to use it about each other. We worked so well together. Now I've moved to a new job it's never the same. I've been spoilt lol

I had a Work Husband in my last job. We worked fantastically well together but were also good friends and it meant we were very honest with each other about work matters where others might have tiptoed around things.

I do not have a work Husband in my current job, which is a shame as I would appreciate the sounding board. In this job I sadly appear to have instead adopted around 50 Work Children!

As a working professional I would not be at all happy to be called this and would have complained at the first instance. Its inherently misogynistic and frankly makes him look tragic and pathetic, as though he gets a creepy little kick out of being so wonderful he has managed to collect s home wife and a work wife- women everywhere running around after him validating the fact that he's such a successful alpha male etc - it's grim.

I also think it's unnecessary and diminishes his actual wife by diluting the term. I think people do equate it with affairs because let's face it a wife(or husband) is someone you are sexually intimate with. Work 'wife' logically infers that. Probably why men love saying it.