Using fork in right hand, knife in left..

[AG29]

I am aware it’s meant to be the other way round but I feel most comfortable with my fork in right hand and knife in left. The opposite feels uncomfortable and I was never taught any different growing up. It’s never caused me too many problems. I generally have good table manners.

My OH’s mum is a bit of a nightmare in general. If we eat there (not often thankfully but Christmas next week). She has told me to swap hands before but I don’t feel comfortable that way. To the point I avoid eating there as much as possible. OH reminds me to eat with fork in left if we are going over there too and I’m sick of being spoke to like a child.

Aibu to think they should just leave it be? Does it really matter. It’s not like I’m eating with my bloody hands!

My question for the 3rd or 4th time...

Who decided holding the knife in the right hand is 'proper' cutlery use and why?

Not a single answer so far

As someone who often eats "unconventionally" due to neurological issues and nerve damage to my arms and hands this thread is incredibly depressing.

For those saying that they wouldn't employ people who eat unconventionally, in roles where they have to dine with clients I'm interested to know if they're including people like me who have disabilities in that?

Sadly, they probably would. The kind of idiot who esteems the hands in which people hold their cutlery more highly than their skills, experience and personality in choosing whom to hire and/or promote is exactly the same kind of idiot who has no time for anybody who is different from them. Sex, race, disability, background, whatever.

It isn't much comfort when you need to earn a living, but as somebody who has (by the sounds of it) similar neurological issues to you, I would very much prefer not to work for a person such as this anyway.

If I needed heart surgery, I would want it to be done by any qualified and experienced man/woman, Asian/black/white, young/old, short/tall person and I wouldn't care less how they held their instruments to do their job. By the sounds of it, some people would much prefer their chartered accountant Uncle Tarquin to 'have a go at doing it', simply because he speaks so nicely, always wears very expensive suits and holds his bone-china cutlery the 'proper' way.

AG29
Ignore the cutlery.
Place one elbow either side of the plate, lower your head and eat directly from it.
Growl quietly at anyone who stares.
That should shut the fuckers up

@FizzyIce that’s so that you can change the time and do your strap up with your right hand!

Try this -

It's 2019. Hold your knife and fork in whichever hands you like. Do it the American way if you want (but expect to be asked if you're American).

Anyone claiming otherwise I just consider hopelessly outdated. "Thou shalt hold the knife in the right hand" smacks of a rule from the days when left-handedness was considered a sign of the devil and used as an excuse for child abuse.

Or this!

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B004H1TUCM/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

@WorraLiberty, well you use the knife like you would a saw. When I saw (wood for our log burner) I use my right hand, because I’m right handed. It’s the same action. You’re doing more work with the knife (cutting and pushing) than you are holding and lifting the fork.
I don’t understand why that’s difficult to work out?
I tend to find people who eat with only a fork will use the fork in their right hand when right handed but when a knife is added, they put it in their left hand.

Surely anyone eating a curry changes their fork over to their right hand!

@WorraLiberty Who decided holding the knife in the right hand is 'proper' cutlery use and why?

At a best guess, historically (ie: pre 1600), you used one hand to help yourself from communal food (sometimes using fingers) and one hand to use your knife and pick up food. Dictating one hand for each role made sense to prevent contamination of the communal dish with saliva/germs from hand you use to eat with. At the same time, lefthandness was seen as bad and associated with witchcraft etc. So you were either right handed or learnt to pass as righthanded. Righthanded people tend to find it easier to handle knife in right hand ergo: right hand is chosen for using knife at meals. When forks as personal eating implements become common it makes sense to use them in the left hand.

So basically I reckon it evolved from historic etiquette with a dose of prejudice against left handed people and there is no reason why it should be seen as right except convention.

*the knife in their left hand

cut it all up & eat it with a spoon.
That will REALLY wind her up

either that, or just tell her that it's really outdated to not acknowledge that some people are left handed, and she is really showing her age with her bigoted views.

I've been pretty ruthless in drumming in table manners to dc.
I listened recently to a European tell an American that they could always spot American in a restaurant in Europe because their table manners are so bad.
People notice and not just Brits.

I always tell the dc they can choose to eat however they like when they leave home but they will have the skills to pass unnoticed if they choose.

But it is really rude to comment on other adults table manners.

I do exactly the same OP - I had a nightmare with school and my mum as they thought I was being difficult but I wasn't, I just can't eat the other way unless you want to be covered in my food. Even when I laid the table at 5 I would do it my way. Mum gave up in the end after picking up peas too often. I am not left handed but may have been if the school I went to would to would have let me be.
My daughter eats the same way and I leave her to it. She has great table manners.

I eat the "wrong" way round for the UK, and the few times it's been pointed out I've enjoyed informing the pointer that in the culture I was raised in it is considered the height of rudeness to eat with your left hand. I don't believe that (or pay enough attention generally to notice which hands people use!) but it always seems to blow the pointers minds that other countries and cultures may do it different ways.

I've been pretty ruthless in drumming in table manners to dc.

But there's a difference between manners is: mouth shut when chewing, elbows tucked in, cut neatly etc and convention of which hand to have knife. If I have my knife in right hand I can't cut properly, my elbow sticks out and my table manners look worse than if I have knife in left hand...

Just say no. Archaic niceties are ridiculous and I also find the opposite easier.

I probably wouldn't encourage dc @JasperRising doing the hand swapping thing if I am honest.
But I would be totally mortified if they started criticizing other people's manners at the table, that is far worse.

I have always wanted to state quite plainly how incredibly rude and ill bred it is to pass judgement on how people use cutlery. If you judge a person on how they use cutlery you’re a cock sucker Merry Christmas fuckers.

Lol @justmyview what a patronising post. You wouldn't hire them to dine with clients because they swapped their cutlery? Were you born in the Stone Age?

I hold my knife and fork the same way as OP, not sure why since all my family hold them the other way around. All the snobs on this thread who have a problem with it can shove their cutlery where the sun don't shine.

In the culture I was brought up in the right hand is for eating and the left hand for arse wiping. My brother, who is left handed, eats with his left hand and it's fine. I remember a teacher in primary school who would walk around forcefully swapping knives and forks around to the 'correct way' of kids from my culture. That really did make a big old mess with food flying around!

I'm just wondering if those on the thread shocked by the incorrect way of eating have ever eaten at an Indian restaurant with an Indian friend/colleague who chooses to eat with their hands? That must be stroke- inducing for them. My DS found it hilarious seeing people eat chapatti and curry with a knife and fork. But now at 7 he knows it's bad manners to comment on other people's table etiquette.

@MilkTrayLimeBarrel I have a Masters degree and several other letters behind my name... I was raised by an electrician and a house wife who have never particularly minded which hand I hold my knife in.

I'm certainly not unless educated than you but you may lack some modern social etiquette (aka that 1950s etiquette is rather cliche).

From an early age I was taught how to use cutlery properly.

I teach my children the same.

In a casual setting I'm very relaxed about table etiquette and I would never comment on people's "cutlery habits".

That said, I do judge and feel free to judge me for judging....

The reality is that it's fine to eat as you wish at home or in relaxed company.

However, there are circumstances when being unable to hold a knife and fork properly translates into a perfectly understandable thought about what other etiquette that person thinks is worthlessness/unknown ....and that reflects badly.

Those posters who say it doesn't matter may be right wrt their situation.

The point that's missed is that it does matter on some occasions and the issue is being able to spot the difference.

Hence, you can sneer at the pearl clutchers all you want, but their kids aren't going to be embarrassed on a formal works occasion by not knowing which is the soup spoon or sniggered at because they hold cutlery in the wrong hand/like a pencil.