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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

UCAS utterly unfair

626 replies

Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 18:25

My third child is filling out his UCAS form and as happened with his sister he has to put the highest earner in the household on the form, which will affect his loan, this isn’t me it’s my DH who is not father to any of my children.

He is still paying maintenance for his own children and is not financially responsible for mine, how on earth is this fair?

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 17/12/2019 21:34

I dont get the 6 kids reference. 3 are adults. Two live with their mother and so she will be financing them. Your dh gets to reduce his maintenance for his children because he lives in a house with someone else’s children. Therefore there is only one child to finance.

You are not financially responsible for six children at all.

JinglingHellsBells · 17/12/2019 21:34

Out of interest OP how much do you think your son costs you now, at home?

What is the cost of his food for a week?
Washing machine usage?
Hot water for showers and baths?
Any allowances he gets from you?
Social outings?
Petrol/ diesel, fares, to get him to places?
Bus fares/ train fares?

I bet it's not short of £50 a week, so £200 a month.

That would go a long way towards his £4K living costs.

Trewser · 17/12/2019 21:34

So if it does now, wtf is your dh spending his money on???

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 21:36

Posting my financial details isn’t a fucking drip feed, we didn’t have room to have his kids (was flamed on here for it Grin 😂😂) and at one point we thought his kids would be coming here to live.

Saying that on principle I disagree with the step parent wage being taking into consideration for a Uni loan has nothing to do with what we actually earn or spend.

OP posts:
chloxox08 · 17/12/2019 21:36

Hiya,

When he actually apply for his student finance he'll be asked for a household income - if you and his dad are split then he's allowed to chose either parent. So with you he'd have to put yours and your husband/partners Income in, or if he chooses his dad he'd have to put his dads and his partner (if he has/lives with one) if he's in contact with him.

UCAS application is different to his actual student loan application but yes you're right incomes do affect how much maintenance loan he gets, I'm speaking from experience applying this year and that's what I was told you can do Smile

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 21:36

I don’t know why people think he ever got a reduction for my children, he didn’t.

OP posts:
chloxox08 · 17/12/2019 21:37

But he WILL get the full tuition fee loan 100%, income doesn't affect that at all. It's just the maintenance loan which is money for additional things to live on such as if he decides to live in halls etc

MaryPeary · 17/12/2019 21:38

Student Loans system unfair to parents of 2+ children may interest you OP.

My parents couldn't afford to top up my grant to usual levels, so I worked in the college holidays. It was actually a great experience and nowadays I look back and feel that I learned at least as much from that genuine work experience as from the degree. It was Oxbridge, so studying was intense during term time, but I also had a small term-time job. In holidays I went through temp agencies and got to see how lots of different firms worked. I loved it.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 21:39

As soon as the children have left FT education they have been expected to pay house keeping.

I am unsure, even if we could afford it about supporting him. My sister and I both supported ourselves through Uni.

Obviously I will lose the maintenance his father pays me so will be £190 a month worse off when he goes to Uni.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 21:40

I know he will get the full tuition fee loan.

OP posts:
Madvixen · 17/12/2019 21:40

OP, re petrol costs. You say you DH is forces and living elsewhere, is he getting his home to duty or get you home allowance?

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 21:41

Worse off without having him live here obviously.

OP posts:
TryingToBeBold · 17/12/2019 21:41

*We have six children, 3 each.

3 are adults and do not live at home, DD is paying for her own OU.

2 youngest live with their mother.*

Is this present or future tense? The 3 adults don't live at home? Does your son fall into this category?
If he isn't living at home currently then it changes..?
Unless you meant won't be living at home (but.. that's 9 months away?

Trewser · 17/12/2019 21:42

I am unsure, even if we could afford it about supporting him
Then he can't go

Atilathehunter · 17/12/2019 21:42

Can he omit that information on his form? Especially if your partner isn't his father and doesn't provide for your children.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 21:42

He only gets a certain amount of warrants a year. And he comes home any weekend he isn’t working and we usually have his kids, which is another journey (petrol wise) to get them .

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 21:44

We buy groceries etc and pay the bills, we have a joint bank account but I don’t think asking him to support my child through Uni is fair seeing as I couldn’t afford to do it on my wage.

OP posts:
ThemoonisanAmericanism · 17/12/2019 21:48

If you are able to feed and house your DS during the holiday periods that will make up for a lot of the lost £4.5 k anyway.

Sandaled · 17/12/2019 21:50

@Runningonempty84 actually it doesn't, low income households receive more of a maintenance loan, its those more middling who are on decent wages on paper, but have a lot of unavoidable outgoings who are worse off with student finance. There's also a lot of bursaries for lower incomes, I recieved one because I was the first in my family to go onto higher education, and household income was low. Again, someone more towards the middle would be unlikely to get that.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 22:02

When DH leaves his ex gets half his pay out.

Unfortunately she doesn’t have to put it into a trust for his kids, which she won’t.

OP posts:
Nancydrawn · 17/12/2019 22:03

His father should certainly continue to give him that £190 directly while he's at uni, which would drop the amount he might need from you or would need to work.

Did your custody arrangement say anything about contributions to higher education? (I know this is a very American question.)

JinglingHellsBells · 17/12/2019 22:05

He only gets a certain amount of warrants a year. And he comes home any weekend he isn’t working and we usually have his kids, which is another journey (petrol wise) to get them

Who are you talking about here? Son or DH?

what are 'warrants'? (Is he in the forces?)

I think you are being a bit vague.

It's unclear who lives with you- all these children or just your son now - or none of them?

The real issue here is your marriage.

You don't want to ask your DH to support your child.

This is the reason some men (and women) choose not to remarry as they don't want to pay for another man's child.

Sorry but the issue is your marriage not the system.

Did you know this beforehand?

Schuyler · 17/12/2019 22:08

Lots of adult children in the squeezed middle are in this position. They just work their socks off before and throughout uni. This is what your son needs to do.

RunningNinja79 · 17/12/2019 22:27

Plenty of people manage it. Where there's a will there's a way.

The other option no-one has mentioned on here is that he waits until 25 (I think) then I believe (if I remember correctly - I used to work at SLC) parents income has no effect. Of course, depending on the course and why he wants to go to uni this may not be an option. Although I wish I never went when I was 18, but that's me and my life and probably something completely different to your DS's life.

Agree about the point that at 18 in every point in life he is an adult, but to go to uni he is dependent on parents, but I suppose the government can't be supporting every child to go to uni with little payback.

Although I do have to say Im really struggling to see what the issue is here.

MamaGee09 · 17/12/2019 22:29

When he got with you and started living the with you then he took on your children aswell as his own then obviously his wages should be counted. Why should there be two earners in your house but only need one counted when it comes to finance for uni. THats just ridiculous,

My ds is at uni and got told he had to stay at a uni close to home as we couldn’t afford to pay for him to live away. We earn just over £30k between us (I’m at college training for a new career and work party time) and ds get a measly £50 a month bursary and has to top the rest up with part time work. The £50 doesn’t even cover his travel costs each month!