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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that you can’t sign up for FIVE dating sites accidentally?

107 replies

Noelina · 17/12/2019 13:00

Found old emails from 7 years ago spanning 4 years in DH’s inbox when I was trying to find an old receipt. I have always known his password.

He insists that one of them he knew about as he accidentally joined it via Facebook and the others must have taken his details from that. Lo and behold I then found that he had 4 dating apps in his expired apps on Facebook.

I do remember finding an email saying he had messages in his inbox from a dating site around 4/5 years ago but he insisted it must have been spam, although I have seen that he joined that site from Facebook 2 years earlier than that!

Also the first site one he had emails from wasn’t on there so he didn’t join that one through Facebook and one of the emails from a different site said that it had got his details from the first dating site due to a ’transaction’ he made on it.

He insists he’s never heard of the other dating sites although he had the apps on his Facebook for some of them and he had tons of emails which he couldn’t have missed surely! He has said that he didn’t open them as proof that he didn’t sign up to them.

Is it really possible that he was ‘accidentally’ signed up to 5 of these sites?

We have had problems in our marriage for many years due to financial and child rearing stress and were just starting to get back on track! The first dating site emails are from when our youngest was less than a year old and I was carrying a lot of extra weight. We’ve also had a very up and down sex life without sex for months at a time as he hasn’t been interested and I never understood how he could go that long without it.

I can’t check bank statements as too far back to see if he paid to subscribe.

He has been very defensive and angry as I won’t just let it goShock. I mean really!

He told if he wanted another woman he wouldn’t have to go on a dating siteHmm.

I am questioning stuff from years ago now and don’t know what to think. Help!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 17/12/2019 13:03

You know none of this was an accident
Next he'll be telling you he tripped and fell on her mouth. Don't believe his shit.

Honeybee85 · 17/12/2019 13:05

Sorry, that’s entirely impossible.
Even 1 dating site I would find hard to believe.
He is lying to you.

Flowers
slipperywhensparticus · 17/12/2019 13:08

He is lying you should make plans

HowDeepIsYourGlove · 17/12/2019 13:09

It’s sounds about as accidental as falling over and his dick accidentally slipping into another woman’s vagina

Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 13:09

One of them was GirlsDateForFree and he said he may have clicked on it accidentally from Facebook as he didn’t know what it wasHmm. Then insisted Facebook must have signed him up to it without his consent HmmHmm.

OP posts:
QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 17/12/2019 13:10

It's insulting that he thinks you'd actually believe a lie that bad, let alone going on dating apps.

HowDeepIsYourGlove · 17/12/2019 13:11

@Noelina even if he’d clicked it to see what it was, it’s pretty clear what it was by the title!

Morgan12 · 17/12/2019 13:12

No that's impossible.

The most obvious answer is usually the right answer.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 17/12/2019 13:13

That sounds like one of the sites that links from pornhub and the like.

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/12/2019 13:15

What an absolute load of shit. He must think you’re really dumb.

Yes he’s lying, and yes he is not to be trusted, not now, not ever.

Sorry OP. Stay with him if you’re into misery.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 17/12/2019 13:17

You cant even sign up for one accidentally....

Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 13:18

Yep found porn in search activity last year as well which I had no idea he’d been watching and which he’d always denied when I asked him why he wasn’t interested in sex with me. Apparently it was OK as we’d watched it together once years ago to spice things up. Watching it together is a bit different, No?

Funny that I thought he had a low sex drive!

OP posts:
managedmis · 17/12/2019 13:21

He thinks you were born yesterday. You weren't.

managedmis · 17/12/2019 13:22

One of them was GirlsDateForFree and he said he may have clicked on it accidentally from Facebook as he didn’t know what it was

^^
He didn't know what it was?? The clue is in the name?

Poor ickle pickle man, not understanding Confused

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/12/2019 13:25

Sorry OP, you can't do that by accident.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/12/2019 13:26

Also, why was it even on his Facebook on the first place?

Does he mean an AD or something a friend shared?

If it was an ad then that means he's been searching dating sites. If a friend shared something then even if he clicked on the link it wouldn't automatically sign him up.

They also wouldn't sign him up to four other companies. He'd have to fill in his details all over again

Sparklesocks · 17/12/2019 13:28

No I don’t think so.
And I hate to say it but it shows a complete lack of respect for you that he thinks you’d believe such a weak lie.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/12/2019 13:28

X post.

OP I work in the web development industry and have worked with Facebook on something before. That wont ever happen.

I'm sorry Flowers

Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 13:38

There are lots of emails saying that X sent you a message or a wink. You have to have signed up fully to get that don’t you?

I’ve logged in to one but there are no messages in the inbox. Would they disappear after a few years or do they stay in there? Also couldn’t find any subscription history that he’d paid to get access.

Really have no idea not having used them myself as we’ve been married for over 20 years!

I don’t think he’s up to anything now but I can’t shake the thought that he may have met up with someone years ago or intended to. Doesn’t matter how long ago it wasAngry.

I suppose he could have another email address though. I remembered last night DS2 was using his gmail address a few months ago and saw an email for Tinder but DH blamed DS1 who’s account linked with his for some reason Angry. DS1 denied it.

He has now changed all his passwords to email/Facebook etc as he doesn’t want me ‘looking behind his back’ all the time.

OP posts:
puds11 · 17/12/2019 13:39

Facebook has targeted advertising so what was he looking at for the dating site to appear?!

I have once been signed up to a dating site I didn’t do. I know this as it was a gay, male dating site and I’m a straight female. I assumed someone did it as a joke. I also get spam about my erectile dysfunction, lasting longer in sex and penis enlargement. Clearly I’ve been hacked and / or had any details stolen and sold. I am not, however registered to multiple dating sites as a result of this.

He is lying and quite frankly it’s offensive he would think you that stupid.

SouthernComforts · 17/12/2019 13:40

He's taking you for a fool.

puds11 · 17/12/2019 13:40

Ah he’s deffo hiding something. I’d be pissed if my husband was reading my stuff but I wouldn’t change my password as I have nothing to hide.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/12/2019 13:42

@Noelina he more than likely deleted the messages.

The fact he's locked you out of his accounts rather than trying to show and reassure you says it all. He's lying and he's got more to hide.

Believe your DS1 about Tinder. Whether he's doing something or not now doesn't matter. He is lying to you.

GinDaddy · 17/12/2019 13:43

YANBU, but you're going to get a whole lot of bitter detective types flooding this thread telling you to instantly destroy your union, and make sure it's before Christmas. And make sure to update us with what happens. Hmm

You know what's happening here I presume, this is deliberate by him, and he's showing anger because he got found out. I'm genuinely sorry you're going through this. I hope he will actually open up and admit to things, otherwise it's going to be nigh on impossible for you to move forward. I hope you don't get gaslit in ANY WAY to believe that you are somehow the root of the issue, that you're paranoid etc. Please ignore if this is the case.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/12/2019 13:44

Also, these dating sites obviously have passwords.

Is he saying that Facebook not only took all his details and signed him up but also created him a password? I'm sure the passwords wasn't a randomly generated one?