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Original poster

To think that you can’t sign up for FIVE dating sites accidentally?

107 replies

Noelina · 17/12/2019 13:00

Found old emails from 7 years ago spanning 4 years in DH’s inbox when I was trying to find an old receipt. I have always known his password.

He insists that one of them he knew about as he accidentally joined it via Facebook and the others must have taken his details from that. Lo and behold I then found that he had 4 dating apps in his expired apps on Facebook.

I do remember finding an email saying he had messages in his inbox from a dating site around 4/5 years ago but he insisted it must have been spam, although I have seen that he joined that site from Facebook 2 years earlier than that!

Also the first site one he had emails from wasn’t on there so he didn’t join that one through Facebook and one of the emails from a different site said that it had got his details from the first dating site due to a ’transaction’ he made on it.

He insists he’s never heard of the other dating sites although he had the apps on his Facebook for some of them and he had tons of emails which he couldn’t have missed surely! He has said that he didn’t open them as proof that he didn’t sign up to them.

Is it really possible that he was ‘accidentally’ signed up to 5 of these sites?

We have had problems in our marriage for many years due to financial and child rearing stress and were just starting to get back on track! The first dating site emails are from when our youngest was less than a year old and I was carrying a lot of extra weight. We’ve also had a very up and down sex life without sex for months at a time as he hasn’t been interested and I never understood how he could go that long without it.

I can’t check bank statements as too far back to see if he paid to subscribe.

He has been very defensive and angry as I won’t just let it goShock. I mean really!

He told if he wanted another woman he wouldn’t have to go on a dating siteHmm.

I am questioning stuff from years ago now and don’t know what to think. Help!

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 17/12/2019 13:44

I smell bullshit.

Op, your Dh stinks of it and must think your an idiot. Not even a plausible reason. Just made up bollocks he thinks you'll swallow.

And the defensiveness is normally a sign of guilt.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2019 13:46

He is lying his arse off, not to mention gaslighting the fuck out of you.

Lockheart · 17/12/2019 13:47

Are you 100% sure they're not spam emails? Are you certain they're all from genuine dating sites? Only 'GirlsDateForFree' sounds spammy as fuck to me. I often get similarly titled emails telling me there's hot singles in my area or solicitations from young Russian women (I have no interest in either).

Tinder obviously is not.

Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 13:53

I don’t ever remember seeing these emails before and there were hundreds. He’s never tried to stop me using his email account before which I do if he’s ordered something to check delivery etc.

I typed in the first letter of the company I was looking for an online receipt from and one of the dating sites came up so I looked back to 2012 and there they were! He never deletes his emails.

I checked his Facebook as he insisted It must have done it itselfHmm and then found the expired apps which he hadn’t deleted. How could he be so stupid! His married cousin was on one of them which is why he thought it was OK.

He is insistent he didn’t open them. I even told him if he admitted he’d looked around because he was bored I’d understand. Could even stretch to him chatting to someone but to insist he hadn’t even heard of all of them except one Hmm.

It feels like our whole marriage is a lieSad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 13:56

I know why, because he doesn’t want our teenage DC to find out that their Dad was like that. He’d rather make me think I’m crazy instead!

OP posts:
emmetgirl · 17/12/2019 14:00

Of course it is. In the same way you can accidentally insert your penis into someone's vagina.

MulticolourTinselOnTheTree · 17/12/2019 14:01

OP, he's lying, but you know that. Simply by changing the passwords, etc, he's showing you he's not going to admit anything if he thinks he can get away with it.

It's time to think about your relationship and what you want, also what you think you can live with if you still want to be with him. What are your dealbreakers?

MulticolourTinselOnTheTree · 17/12/2019 14:03

I know why, because he doesn’t want our teenage DC to find out that their Dad was like that.

He's deluding himself if he thinks the DC won't find out. They'll more than likely be a little suspicious already, givne that DS1 was accused regarding Tinder.

Nyctophyllia · 17/12/2019 14:03

This can happen with various sex sites, you sign up for one and your profile is a load of them with different names but is basically the same site, not for legitimate dating sites though

holly40 · 17/12/2019 14:04

So what are you going to do, do you think?

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/12/2019 14:14

He thinks your thick & he’s waiting for you to drop it so he can go back to shagging around.

You need an std check.

Cam77 · 17/12/2019 14:14

I think some men sign up to dating sites just to gawp/fantasize at some of the women on them, with no intention of actually becoming a paid up member/or sending messages, let alone meeting up. Which isn’t to say it isn’t still bad. But morally it’s more akin to your partner oogling attractive women at the shopping mall than actual cheating. Unpleasant and embarrassing but a different ball oark to cheating. The so called “thought” cheating is so much BS where men are concerned - they are genetically wired to stare at attractive females. So its not a question of if they ever look at women other than their partner, but rather how often and whether it becomes too much of a habit.

Cam77 · 17/12/2019 14:16

typed in the first letter of the company I was looking for an online receipt from and one of the dating sites came up
Ah, just saw that. Yeah, the fact that he’s paying money (as opposed to “click here to sign up with Facebook” or whatever), isn’t a good sign.

Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 14:20

He has already told me that It’s be my fault if the DC’s lives are ruined if we split as I have no evidence he’s done anything behind my back, and they will be devastated. My youngest is the same age I was when my parents divorced and my father didn’t bother with us after that which has always been my worry if we split up. He’s sworn that he’s not done anything ‘wrong’ on their lives and his mother’s (which he found more difficult than swearing on the DC’s)

It’s like I’ve just woken up now the DC are older and are more self sufficient, so I have more headspace, to what he could have been up to. His job means he works long hours coming home late in the evening. Hell he could have even taken days off as he gets days in lieu due to overtime and I’ve never kept track of his holidays.

In fact he was supposed to be off today but suddenly told me last night he had to work due to a rota change and after dying his hairHmm. I know he’s there but I am going to second guess everything now.

Dealbreaker is intending to meet other women let alone actually doing it but I have no bloody evidence and won’t now unless he fesses up. He won’t admit to something he hasn’t done apparently.

OP posts:
shwingshwing · 17/12/2019 14:29

Just a note OP, some of these dating/hookup sites are multi-platform so if you’re on one, you’re on several as they share data (scary!)

But it must’ve started somewhere.

MadeForThis · 17/12/2019 14:29

The fact he's lying is what's making it more suspicious. If he had accidentally signed up to one site, or all 5 just to browse or kill time then he could admit that.

He's blamed your son for tinder, blaming you if you dare to end the relationship and changed his passwords so you can't check out his story.

His attitude since you have caught him out would be enough for me to LTB.

Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 14:30

Do Amazon do a truth drug do you think?

We’d only recently started to rekindle our marriage, more affection (initiated by me TBH), my weight has drastically gone down, sex life massively improved, going out together now DC can stay home alone. Now it’s worse than before. He wants me to shut up and move on but I can’t.

OP posts:
kizkiz · 17/12/2019 14:31

Actually, you can be signed up to websites without knowing.
One of my email addresses is very simple and I often get welcome emails for things I haven't signed up for.
You can enter any email address when signing up. You just won't be able to access it if not yours.
I get all the bank transactions for a woman in Trinidad!
My best mate gets his American name sakes entire life, as Gmail seem to have linked their accounts.
Not saying that has happened here, but it can easily be done

Queenoftheashes · 17/12/2019 14:32

MDMA works pretty well as a truth serum.

You do have evidence he’s talking nonsense.

AnyFucker · 17/12/2019 14:35

He swore on his children's lives and his mother's life ?

He's lying.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/12/2019 14:38

@kizkiz I think the difference with this one is that there was a password and she was able to get into the account which does suggest that he has set it up/used it rather than just being signed up.

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/12/2019 14:40

Well I’ve just told dh & he's still laughing at your husbands audacity.

I don’t think he believes your dh version of events. I never get signed up to dating websites by accident.

AryaStarkWolf · 17/12/2019 14:40

It doesn't sound good, does it?

puds11 · 17/12/2019 14:40

Surely only children and idiots swear on people’s lives. He’s not the former...

Loughers · 17/12/2019 14:43

"He is lying you should make plans"

"He thinks your thick & he’s waiting for you to drop it so he can go back to shagging around. You need an std check."

So many sad bitter folk on here just hoping your relationship dissolves - and for what? So they can get their daily fix of vicarious thrills in their otherwise boring humdrum life.

Pathetic.

He knew you had his email password and yet he didn't delete them. Hardly the actions of a rampant cheat is it? Ignore these bitter old trolls and direct your energies to building your relationship back xx