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Original poster

To think that you can’t sign up for FIVE dating sites accidentally?

107 replies

Noelina · 17/12/2019 13:00

Found old emails from 7 years ago spanning 4 years in DH’s inbox when I was trying to find an old receipt. I have always known his password.

He insists that one of them he knew about as he accidentally joined it via Facebook and the others must have taken his details from that. Lo and behold I then found that he had 4 dating apps in his expired apps on Facebook.

I do remember finding an email saying he had messages in his inbox from a dating site around 4/5 years ago but he insisted it must have been spam, although I have seen that he joined that site from Facebook 2 years earlier than that!

Also the first site one he had emails from wasn’t on there so he didn’t join that one through Facebook and one of the emails from a different site said that it had got his details from the first dating site due to a ’transaction’ he made on it.

He insists he’s never heard of the other dating sites although he had the apps on his Facebook for some of them and he had tons of emails which he couldn’t have missed surely! He has said that he didn’t open them as proof that he didn’t sign up to them.

Is it really possible that he was ‘accidentally’ signed up to 5 of these sites?

We have had problems in our marriage for many years due to financial and child rearing stress and were just starting to get back on track! The first dating site emails are from when our youngest was less than a year old and I was carrying a lot of extra weight. We’ve also had a very up and down sex life without sex for months at a time as he hasn’t been interested and I never understood how he could go that long without it.

I can’t check bank statements as too far back to see if he paid to subscribe.

He has been very defensive and angry as I won’t just let it goShock. I mean really!

He told if he wanted another woman he wouldn’t have to go on a dating siteHmm.

I am questioning stuff from years ago now and don’t know what to think. Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 14:49

No his name is very unusual. Not from this country.

That’s what I thought AnyFucker after reading it before on here. I made him though. Probably had his fingers crossed.

I don’t want to find out years in the future he was lying all along. I found an email address he must have been using at about the time of the dating sites as well, in his email contacts, which was a nickname he used when we first met as his real name is difficult to pronounce. It’s been deactivated though as it doesn’t exist now. I had no idea he used that name on an email account as he always uses his real name!

I also found several non delivery reports to a woman’s email address from about the same time. He must have had a virus which sent out spam to all his contacts. It was a private email address with same birth year as mine. Unusual name. He denied all knowledge of this person and can’t explain how he had her email address!

OP posts:
ltk · 17/12/2019 14:50

You know you don't need proof, right? This is not a court, and nobody's on trial. If you think or feel that he has betrayed you, belittled you, gaslighted you... you don't need conclusive evidence. The only person who needs to be convinced is you.

And you sound convinced that he's not treating you right and that he's either cheating or toying with it. I'd suggest having a wider think about the state of your realationship. You don't trust him, and he's not doing anything to convince you otherwise.

You get to decide if you want to stay married to this man. You can give yourself permission to split. He can yell and stamp his feet all he likes that you would be the one 'destroying the family' - it's not true, and you know it, and your dc will know it.

Sparklesocks · 17/12/2019 14:51

Whatever happens next OP I’m really sorry that this has happened. A horrible shock.

Swirlygirl · 17/12/2019 14:53

Loads of married men go on dating apps just for ego boosts.

Then some actually do go and meet them.

Like my bil, who cannot keep off them!

His latest live in Gf was told ‘his ex set it up to ruin their relationship’ - she believed him Hmm

Shoxfordian · 17/12/2019 14:54

Its really obvious he's lying

Don't put up with it or brush it under the carpet

Aridane · 17/12/2019 14:55

This can happen with various sex sites, you sign up for one and your profile is a load of them with different names but is basically the same site, not for legitimate dating sites though

Yes - I've had this - signed on to a hook up,site and profile,
Duplicated on other sites.mmtpugh I only signed up to one

Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 15:01

I was trying to work on my marriage Loughers but after seeing all this I’m thinking shall I believe him, minimise it by accepting that he was looking at was else was out there, or working myself up that he did actually meet other women and was having a great time fucking around while I was struggling with the DC (one with SN and behavioural problems), all the donkey work in the house, and an anxiety disorder which I needed therapy for and which he hated me spending money on while not offering any support. Things are much better now but the thought of that makes me want to scream!

OP posts:
Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 15:15

Another thing Is when I found out he was watching porn I was totally shocked as he’d always denied it, never masturbated eitherHmm. He changed as a person to me after that. He just wasn’t the ‘type’ so I thought! Realise now I don’t know him at all. It’s like he had this secret life. Really finding this hard to shake off.

I don’t want to split up. I couldn’t bear him being with someone else or the DC having two different homes, or him having a another family.

Aaarrgghhh!

OP posts:
CSIblonde · 17/12/2019 15:19

That's a bit like people in A&E who 'tripped onto the hoover attachment' or veg: an apple in one case, according to Dr friend. He's lying & anger is a deflecting tactic.

charm8ed · 17/12/2019 15:26

It doesn’t make it very ok but nearly all men look at porn and most people masturbate.

SpicyRibs · 17/12/2019 15:29

Is it really possible that he was ‘accidentally’ signed up to 5 of these sites?

Seems legit...

GoodbyeRosie · 17/12/2019 15:42

Ignore the lack of sex bit - some people just go off it , stress, low self esteem ..that could be anything. Doesn't mean someones getting it elsewhere.

Porn - Whatever someone might think of it from a feminist perspective, most people watch it, and a large percent of them have a wank as well. Male and Female.

Dating sites - You have to sign up for them to get the level of communication he has. Maybe it was curiosity, maybe he was wondering if still had it, could still attract the opposite sex. If that was the case then he should have just come clean about it.

Googlemail & tinder and swearing on peoples lives - Absolutely ridiculous. He signed up for a tinder on an email account he thought no-one would use, and he's been busted. Again, he may never had intended to meet anyone, but he did and has blamed your son.

Look, whether you decide to leave him or ask him to leave, that's your decision. People on here think ' LTB' is a quick and easy thing to do ' here's your bags, off you go' . Doesn't work like that. Most people stay and put up with shit like this as it's a hell of lot easier, emotionally and financially.

What I would do, if I caught my other half doing stuff like this is not ask them if they have done it - You know what he has done - but tell him that he is a dick, and that whilst nobody is going anywhere, you don't think of him as a loving, lovely husband..more an arse who you are saddled with until the kids are old enough to realise he is an arse and have left home...hopefully then you contemplate a more respectful, enjoyable life without him .

MarianaMoatedGrange · 17/12/2019 15:49

In fact he was supposed to be off today but suddenly told me last night he had to work due to a rota change and after dying his hairhmm

Oh dear.

If you don't want to split up, you'll have to get used to his extra marital activities, wont you?

fishonabicycle · 17/12/2019 15:59

I get emails from 'hot women' with all sorts of weird names wanting to hook up - they tend to go straight to spam, but I have no idea why they send me mails (female, married, don't Google anything sexual at all).

hellsbellsmelons · 17/12/2019 16:08

Wow - he really does think that you are as thick as pig shit, doesn't he?
Who would believe that crap????
You KNOW it's bullshit.
You KNOW he's probably cheated.
So what now for you OP?
Bury your head?
Tackle it head on?

YoungHun · 17/12/2019 16:08

He has now changed all his passwords to email/Facebook etc as he doesn’t want me ‘looking behind his back’ all the time.

Says it all really, doesn't it?

WhoTheFuckIsGail · 17/12/2019 16:18

I wouldn't believe a word. The worst thing is he threw his own child under the bus by lying and saying Tinder was him rather than own up. What despicable behaviour from a parent.

Sparklesocks · 17/12/2019 16:22

Another thing – if he had ‘somehow’ signed up to 5 dating sites, as soon as he got the emails confirming his account surely he would realise his error and deactivate them? Maybe even say to you ‘oh god I have no idea how but I somehow managed to sign up to a weird dating site this afternoon…I’ve deleted it now anyway!’ as a funny story? I don’t believe him anyway, but even if he had been innocent he wouldn’t have stayed on them.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 17/12/2019 16:25

Cant you try and sign up to the sites or one of them and see if it's free or if you have to pay and then if you get signed up to anything else by facebook or whatever

Dita73 · 17/12/2019 16:27

After reading this what’s worrying me is that you’ve brought up your weight twice. I don’t know if it’s because of how he treats you or how you view yourself but your self esteem is really low. If you are the size of a house or have a supermodel figure it doesn’t excuse him being a shitty husband! You know he’s lying to you and in my opinion sounds like a complete bastard but none of it’s your fault!! It’s almost like you’re trying to justify his behaviour because of things you do or how you look. That’s bullshit! If he’s married to you it shouldn’t make any difference! I can’t tell you to leave him (even though I would) but he’s a git not just for what he’s done but for how he clearly makes you feel bad about yourself. I promise you you’re better than that Flowers

Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 16:32

GoodbyeRosie he really didn’t need a self esteem boost. He’s always had attention from women including when I’ve been standing right next to him. I know women at work have come onto him but he maintains he wouldn’t risk it at work due to his job (not his marriage then ha ha)! That was an unguarded comment that keeps coming back to me. Hence the dating sites for possible no strings hook ups probably.

Fish he had a few of them as well but these are actual dating sites.

I know he’s at work today Mariana. He knows I can see his location. I doubt he would try anything at the moment. He can’t be even more stupid than he has been.

I really don’t know what to do. It would be easier if he’d just come clean and I could deal with it but his ego won’t allow him to be seen as a filthy cheat so it looks like he’d rather throw me under a bus first. I won’t be able to get past it. Especially the secret email address using his unidentifiable nickname which I’ve been thinking about all afternoon. He could have thought he’d deleted all the stuff from his main email and then started using that one. He could have been using loads of other sites.

OP posts:
HanginWithMyGnomies · 17/12/2019 16:38

@Noelina you can be signed up to sites like these ‘accidentally’ but it’s isually after you’ve signed up to one. Back in the day, they’d sell your info on to other sites and create profiles on crappy sites with the info you’d used on one, but you will have had to have signed up to at least one first.

I really don’t see why porns an issue tbh. It’s just porn 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Noelina · 17/12/2019 16:39

Sparkle That’s exactly what I asked him but he couldn’t answer.

The one I logged into had a Facebook profile picture on it. No name just Userxxx. So he has been visible to local women on it for years. Makes me wonder if that’s why a few women have given me the side eye at the school gate! He said he didn’t know how to deactivate it so I had to do it. I saw he’d turned the notifications off for text and email but not for his phone. So he would have had the notifications pop up on his phone screen but didn’t try to shut it down?

OP posts:
charm8ed · 17/12/2019 16:48

I think you’ll go potty trying to be a detective and work out exactly what’s he’s been up to. He’s never going to admit anything. There’s definitely been at least some looking and thinking about other women. All men look but they don’t sign up for sites. It sounds like you had marriage problems and he possibly had either a lack of sex drive or more likely a lack of sexual desire for you. You say your marriage is now better and your sex life has improved. You need to think if you can trust him fully, you don’t need to make your mind up now.

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/12/2019 16:50

I don’t want to split up. I couldn’t bear him being with someone else or the DC having two different homes, or him having a another family.

So, not because you love him so much or anything?

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