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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 16 year old in college doesn't need a job?

85 replies

StarShop · 17/12/2019 09:37

I posted a few weeks ago about my 16year old DS who has, through his school life had intervention for classroom skills in primary school, a scribe at Sat's and diagnosed with poor working memory in Y8. He got average Sat's results and good gcses, only missing targets by one grade and so doing resits at college for maths and English. A lot of people on here were of the opinion that he may have some sort of LD, as I mentioned the other aspects of his personality. He has done two dyslexia tests at college and they came up fine. He has also had in-house testing and they discovered nothing so I am going to GP to investigate, between myself, husband and teacher we think a touch of ADHD.

Whilst all this is going on, DS fell behind but with putting the hours in he has caught up and I've been surprised by the level of work he can actually do! What he lacks is detail but the teacher is managing to draw this out of him.

Alongside all that going on, DH thinks he needs to get a job as he expects so much from us. DS currently gets £10 a week college bursary and £20 per month pocket money. Most of that goes on junk food and his Xbox however he now has a girlfriend who is nearly driving and also works part time. DH says that DS will be wanting money to do stuff with her and he already expects us to subsidise him, for example, tonight he wants to bake at my house but needs extra ingredients, I will be paying for them and DH thinks that's a liberty because my DS has saved £27 that he currently has for her Christmas present.

I just feel that I want him to concentrate on college for now and I don't mind the little subsidies here and there for cinema trips, eating out etc. DH thinks I'm doing him no favours. I can see where he is coming from, he had to work when he was at college as did I as our parents didn't have excess money however we are in a position to help DS along which was always my dream.

Thoughts please, without insults Wink

OP posts:
Livedandlearned · 17/12/2019 09:40

Can he earn extra money from you by doing jobs around the house as a compromise

Zoflorabauble · 17/12/2019 09:41

My 16yr old is in sixth form college doing 4 A levels. He also had Aspergers and anxiety.
I am not pushing him to get a job. He has enough on his plate as it is.

Leaves for college at 7.45am and gets home around 5.35-5.40pm Monday-Thursday And around 4pm on Friday.

His college actually discourage work.

Dave234234 · 17/12/2019 09:46

Honestly, I always feel jobs help teenagers. I know you are concerned about his academic progress but a job teaches so much more as well. Especially as an employer who has interviewed teens before anyone who has had a job appears to have grown and developed as a person and just is more mature than others of their age. That will be a real help in the next stage for him, be it uni, work or further education.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 17/12/2019 09:49

Around my way Jobs are not that plentiful for 16 year olds as most shops no longer just employ Saturday staff. He might be able to pick up a day in McDonald’s or other fast food outlet.

If there is work available for that age group around your way I would be encouraging him to apply. One 8 hour shift would give him just under £35.

Comefromaway · 17/12/2019 09:52

My daughter does have a job that earns her some money but it's related to the course she is doing. (she's studying performing arts and teaches kids dance classes for a few hours on a Saturday). But she's only doing it because it's managable.

Ds does his GCSE's and it's hard going (autism, slow processing etc). I very much doubt he will get a job whilst at college although he has found a way to earn a few pounds making bespoke backing tracks etc for kids from his theatre group.

In your son's situation I would say college comes first.

Before dd got her job I gave her a weekly allowance consisting of £10 per week pocket money, £5 per week toiletry allowance (basics provided of course but she buys her own fancy stuff and make up) £10 per week for books and college equipment (she doesn't get a bursary) and £10 per week clothing allowance as she likes to buy her own clothes. So that in effect was £35 per week. I arrived at these figures by looking at the amount of money a 16/17 year old in care was expected to be given. I will probably give my son less next year as he doesn't like to buy his own clothes or toiletries so he will be getting £20 per week.

As your son gets £10 per week college bursary and he is working hard within his capabilities I would say that as long as you can afford it to increase his pocket money to £10 per week perhaps?

Camomila · 17/12/2019 09:53

In your son's situation I'd prioritise college work over getting a job, as it seems like the college work is already a bigger challenge for him than it would be for other DC.

There's plenty of time to get a job later but with the FE/adult education cuts that have happened in the last few years I'd focus on getting the best possible results first time round.

Bonkerz · 17/12/2019 09:53

My ds has worked since 15. Just pot washing at first and then had a job in Lidl through college. (Also autistic and adhd) we found that giving him routine and that included work was great and kept him focussed and busy.

Original poster
StarShop · 17/12/2019 09:53

I should add with regards to this, in the summer he does work on a rock climbing wall, but that works is seasonal and sporadic. So he does have work experience in quite a high responsibility role from that point of view. This is mostly DHs argument that he needs to learn that if he wants more things then he has to work

OP posts:
Mummyshark2019 · 17/12/2019 09:54

I totally agree that he should not get a job and focus on his education. He will just need to.make do with the income he has. I feel that once he has the taste of earning he won't focus on his school work. Seen it happen so many times.

Comefromaway · 17/12/2019 09:55

This is mostly DHs argument that he needs to learn that if he wants more things then he has to work

I would argue that he is working. He's doing his college work.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/12/2019 09:57

A part-time job can teach valuable life skills.

It sounds as though he has struggled with academic life so far. Are you expecting him to do A levels and go to Uni? If not, I would be encouraging him to do something more vocational/practical, and a part-time job, even if just on a Saturday may well help with that.

Dontdisturbmenow · 17/12/2019 10:00

I'm another who thinks that working whilst college is a massive benefits for kids and will set them ahead of those who don't.

It's not only about having something on their CV, something to discuss at interviews, but it does so much good for their self esteem, learning what the work place is like (very different to college) and teach them skills that you don't get from college.

Even if only a few hours, or over the holidays. It has benefited my kids so much and really set them up for their career.

TeenPlusTwenties · 17/12/2019 10:00

I'm of the opinion that college comes first and that your 'pocket money' should continue like it did when in y11 to give a reasonable but not outlandish social life.
However if he has expensive tastes or wants to keep up in spending with those with jobs then he'll have to find work to fund them.

Original poster
StarShop · 17/12/2019 10:01

DH really pushing the angle that he needs to learn about the real world and how he just expects the money from us. I'm trying to post objectively as I can and he felt I had missed that out.

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 17/12/2019 10:02

Even if only a few hours, or over the holidays. It has benefited my kids so much and really set them up for their career.

OP has said he already works over the holidays.

However if he has expensive tastes or wants to keep up in spending with those with jobs then he'll have to find work to fund them.

I totally agree.

Original poster
StarShop · 17/12/2019 10:03

And not meaning to drip feed but should add we pay his phone contract (bday present) and his music subscription (£10 per month). If he gets a job its purely for extra money for him, not bills.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 17/12/2019 10:06

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to agree an allowance, which may be what you already give him, or slightly more, but to be clear that there will be no additional subsidies beyond that. If he wants to spend money on his girlfriend or other things, then he'll either have to spend less on his Xbox or get a job. I don't think you should just get into the habit of always giving him what he asks for, but I don't think he should be compelled to get a job. He needs to start making his own choices about this kind of thing.

Mrsjayy · 17/12/2019 10:08

Just let him crack on looking for a job if that is whathe wants to do he might not be made for university after college he might decide to go on to work instead so his focus isn't just on studying iyswim. Pay for his phone andbits and pieces if you want.

Mrsjayy · 17/12/2019 10:10

I wouldn't have endless pockets though .

DrCoconut · 17/12/2019 10:10

I wasn't allowed to work while at college. Jobs for teenagers were rare anyway but my parents wanted me to concentrate on my studies. There's plenty of time to be an adult and learn about work etc, I'd only use sending a teenager out to work as a last resort if the money was really needed.

BlaueLagune · 17/12/2019 10:10

My 17 year old (1st year sixth form college) is a lifeguard and picks casual shifts, nothing regular, but at least he is earning a little bit each month.

His college suggests that students should not be working more than 8 hours a week.

I think having a job is a good thing, I had a Saturday job throughout sixth form although I only worked 4 hours a week.

rattusrattus20 · 17/12/2019 10:17

I have mixed feelings. As a couple of others have said, a PT job can be helpful to kids of that age in terms of developing timekeeping, discipline, people, money management, etc skills.

On the other hand, over the years I've time & again seen so many working class kids shaving a grade or two, maybe more, off their A level results by spending excessive time working at PT jobs that won't ultimately lead anywhere good.

I'd say that, if he can find somewhere that'll offer him say a single shift per week, go for it, but much more than that, bad idea.

MiniTheMinx · 17/12/2019 10:19

I agree with you. DS 18 years old is in his last year of A'levels. He has never had a formal diagnosis of Aspergers because he's exceptionally gifted in his academic interests and bright generally he has coped, and has found ways of dealing with the social demands made on him, like me, I'm similar. He's happy mostly. But I know he wouldn't cope with a job now, not on top of the social demands of college and a heavy workload.

DH believes he should work. But he's my son, and I ensure he has pocket money monthly, his travel money and the occasional bit extra when he expresses a wish to go places or do an activity.

My other DS wants a job, can't wait to be more independent, has always shown grit and independence from day one, and is socially outgoing. For him having job will add to his wellbeing, and I will support that.

kids are all different, you know your son and you know intuitively what support he needs. YANBU and 82% agree with me!

Comefromaway · 17/12/2019 10:26

I think it's pretty expected that parents pay for a basic phone contract until the end of school/college.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 17/12/2019 10:28

He’s still a child. Just give him the money.