To think a 16 year old in college doesn't need a job?

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I posted a few weeks ago about my 16year old DS who has, through his school life had intervention for classroom skills in primary school, a scribe at Sat's and diagnosed with poor working memory in Y8. He got average Sat's results and good gcses, only missing targets by one grade and so doing resits at college for maths and English. A lot of people on here were of the opinion that he may have some sort of LD, as I mentioned the other aspects of his personality. He has done two dyslexia tests at college and they came up fine. He has also had in-house testing and they discovered nothing so I am going to GP to investigate, between myself, husband and teacher we think a touch of ADHD.

Whilst all this is going on, DS fell behind but with putting the hours in he has caught up and I've been surprised by the level of work he can actually do! What he lacks is detail but the teacher is managing to draw this out of him.

Alongside all that going on, DH thinks he needs to get a job as he expects so much from us. DS currently gets £10 a week college bursary and £20 per month pocket money. Most of that goes on junk food and his Xbox however he now has a girlfriend who is nearly driving and also works part time. DH says that DS will be wanting money to do stuff with her and he already expects us to subsidise him, for example, tonight he wants to bake at my house but needs extra ingredients, I will be paying for them and DH thinks that's a liberty because my DS has saved £27 that he currently has for her Christmas present.

I just feel that I want him to concentrate on college for now and I don't mind the little subsidies here and there for cinema trips, eating out etc. DH thinks I'm doing him no favours. I can see where he is coming from, he had to work when he was at college as did I as our parents didn't have excess money however we are in a position to help DS along which was always my dream.

Thoughts please, without insults

I am one to agree he might really benefit from getting some kind of work- be it one day a week or if there are skills he can utilize to pick up freelance jobs. It really does make a difference to have an ongoing job history (apart from work experience) when he is competing for jobs against many other school leavers in the future.

It can mean all the difference for mental health compared to the continuous cycle of job application rejection without even getting an interview. Unless he already has a job absolutely guaranteed at graduation that is?

Even better if he can pick up a ‘temping’ job skill (for me it was receptionist and admin work, including typing from dictaphones) that meant anytime I am out of permanent work, I can fill temporary clerical positions in the meantime.

Agree an amount of pocket money that does not change. If he wants more then he needs to work - unless his college work would suffer.

Buying ingredients isn't a big ask though. I'd still do that even if he did have a job.

And this also applies if he is then going to uni and needs extra work. 4- 8 hours a week is completely doable in most cases as a 16 year old.

Your son is 16 - what does he want to do?

In my opinion a job is good for people, i have a friend with adhd who did terribly in school and is now excelling in work just because she is more practically minded (promoted post in a large chain). School work just wasn't easy for her as it didn't hold her attention. If he wants to try working alongside college maybe come to some agreement as to how many hours and if his teacher sees a detrimental effect then it will have to stop?

Your son sounds like has enough on his plate, that said do you think even 10 hours a week somewhere would help me? It would help him with organisation skills, social skills and other things you feel he made extra help with.
My DD17 first year at college, doesn't have any LD or additional needs, she does however suffer through lack of confidence and, we aren't sure why..
She really wanted to get a job as well as attend college, she's going 3 very academic subjects and also working between 16-20 hours a week. It has done no end for her self esteem and, she is organising her time brilliantly,loving the independence that extra money can give her and lastly she is loving buying everyone xmas presents - she has really made is proud.
If you think your son can handle a job as well, then definitely encourage it. If not, let him help around the house, neighbours etc.

Just keep updating his CV with skills he might learn.

I have twins 17 year olds - provided they work at their A levels I haven't worried about jobs. They are not constantly asking for stuff, they did (without encouragement) get jobs leading up to Christmas but have only worked when they don't do to school the next day. Personally if your DS is putting in the work at college I wouldn't suggest he looks for a job (plus he has some summer experience so it's not like he does zero).

Prority is his education. He is clearly needing tomut much more effort than others to acheive the same results. He shouod be praised rather than be told he ought to do even more by also having a job.

Honestly even a couple of hours a week will benefit him not only financially. And yes, still agree an allowance and his wage is for his extras.

He will leave college and then what? Work part-time and still rely on you for money? Fund him through uni?

Applying for jobs, interviews etc It's better for him to learn these skills whilst he still has the safety net and emotional support he might need from the rejections.

It's also a part of him becoming independent and being able to live on his own.

I'd let him concentrate on studying, to be honest, but not subsidise him either - he has his pocket money for socialising. If he wants to do more, can he do some odd jobs for money, either for you or for neighbours?

I have a teenaged neighbour who lives across the road and does occasional babysitting for us - not regularly, but, for example, she looked after DD last week for an hour so I could finish Christmas shopping. It works well for both of us as we can arrange a time that suits us both, and she gets a bit of extra cash.

Having a job while at college (the one I went to was very high achieving and strict compared to other local colleges) having a job made my life hell.

I was leaving the house at 7:30 and getting home at 9:00pm on my work days, with essays to be written and coursework kept up to.
If I wasn't academically bright already I would've failed massively, I'm surprised my parents allowed it tbh. I was clearly depressed and struggling

I also don't think a phone contract should only be seen as a benefit to your child, it's a benefit to you too. Presumably you like them to have the means of contacting you when they're out and about.

The music subscription is different.

From experience, working weekends/summers only is just about manageable at college/6th form if academic work is 'easy' for you and you have decent time management skills. However I know quite a lot of my friends who started work early, dropped out of education as they liked the immediate money, and many are now trying to juggle foundation/uni courses and a young family, and sometime a p/t job or related work experience too.

Working at uni was much easier however.

I think there is a huge difference at 16 between an 8 hour per week job vs a 20+ hour a week job though. Simonsausage did you work weekends as well? That seems a bit heavy for 16.

I mean, if he's fine with it, it would be great to teach him the value of money, because he'll think of things in terms of how many hours he had to work to earn it. And when it comes to living off a student loan, he may be less likely to blow it all early in in term like plenty of people I knew whilst they were studying

Personally I think it’s beneficial for teens to have a small job. Whether that be sticking up skittles, working in a cafe or doing odd jobs/gardening/car washing. My ds has had a weekend job since just before his 14th bday. He works 5hrs on a sat and 2 on a Sunday at a local cafe.
I had given him pocket money in the past but he would blow it on Xbox things constantly, funnily enough, now he’s had to earn it he’s saved up every penny! Funny how priorities change when it’s your own earned money you’re spending!!
It gets him out the house, he was becoming a gaming hermit and helps him socialise.

Having a job is great life experience and a good way for teens to meet different kinds of people.

I worked about 15-20 hours a week from when I was 15-18 (and then went away to uni and continued to work there). I’d work 40 hours a week in the school holidays. This was working the till in a supermarket. I also picked up extra seasonal weekend work on a farm, maybe another 6 hours a week. I liked having my own money and I made lots of friends through my job. It was also good for my CV and made it a lot easier to get a job in uni when I actually needed the money.

Just to add, he had a paid outright phone for a birthday and we pay his monthly sim contract, £8 as I think having a phone when at secondary school is essential for communication. (HE PIcks up siblings from school)

Neither of mine worked during college, like the OPs ds for academic/health reasons. Neither had any difficulty finding work and coping with the adult world at 18. Ds was offered management training 3 months into his first job. He manages his finances and is on time for his shifts.

Yes, you learn useful things by having a job. But it's not like your brain switches off at 18 and you can never learn anything again. People develop at different rates and do things at different stages in life. Seriously, by the time dd had worked 2 years in her job (and also been offered management training), nobody was in the least interested in whether she had had a Saturday job at 16.

I would recommend a set (and not massively generous) allowance though, to get them used to the idea of budgeting. Expensive habits can be difficult to drop.

As a uni lecturer I have often thought it would be good if some of my students were better at managing on less money so could have more time for their studies.

I had a job at that age and doing A Levels.
It ended up getting me my first full time job and how to budget.

I didn't have a job until I was 18 and I turned out ok your dh doesn't seem to understand everyone is different, yanbu.

if he wants to get a job you shouldn't stop him but if you're fine paying for little things while hes in college and he hasn't shown any interest in getting a job then you DH shouldn't be pushing him to i do think he is right in the aspect of he needs to learn not to depend on you as hes going into adulthood and has a girlfriend

DD15 has ASD and I know she will find it hard to get a job because of her lack of social skills , but I encourage her to do work around the house for extra cash when we have it . I also don't want to put any pressure on her to do extra stuff whilst she's at college because I think it will be enough for her, trying to fit in, het her work done. She has some LDs .

I would try and persuade her to find a job to mix with people and develop her social side . Maybe volunteering . She doesn't ask for much though money wise, we pay for Spotify for the family and pay for her phone (v cheap) and I give her an allowance on top for make up and going out with her friends . I know these costs will increase at college but we have a budget and we have to stick to it .

@Winesalot it was 8-12 hours per week, so once or twice a week I'd leave home at 7:30 be at college 9-4pm and work 4:30-8:30 and get home between 9:30 and 10pm

Then either the Saturday or Sunday too, it was just too much with college being so strict and putting a lot of work on you too. Although from what I've heard some colleges are more relaxed!

I feel very strongly that it is a parents responsibility to provide for a child financially through university. Earning a bit of pocket money during breaks is fine, but during school, education should be the focus. So I disagree with your husband on a very fundamental level. He is trying to shirk his parental responsibility and put it on a child.

He really isn't purple his dad is trying to show him funds are not endless !