To think a 16 year old in college doesn't need a job?

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I posted a few weeks ago about my 16year old DS who has, through his school life had intervention for classroom skills in primary school, a scribe at Sat's and diagnosed with poor working memory in Y8. He got average Sat's results and good gcses, only missing targets by one grade and so doing resits at college for maths and English. A lot of people on here were of the opinion that he may have some sort of LD, as I mentioned the other aspects of his personality. He has done two dyslexia tests at college and they came up fine. He has also had in-house testing and they discovered nothing so I am going to GP to investigate, between myself, husband and teacher we think a touch of ADHD.

Whilst all this is going on, DS fell behind but with putting the hours in he has caught up and I've been surprised by the level of work he can actually do! What he lacks is detail but the teacher is managing to draw this out of him.

Alongside all that going on, DH thinks he needs to get a job as he expects so much from us. DS currently gets £10 a week college bursary and £20 per month pocket money. Most of that goes on junk food and his Xbox however he now has a girlfriend who is nearly driving and also works part time. DH says that DS will be wanting money to do stuff with her and he already expects us to subsidise him, for example, tonight he wants to bake at my house but needs extra ingredients, I will be paying for them and DH thinks that's a liberty because my DS has saved £27 that he currently has for her Christmas present.

I just feel that I want him to concentrate on college for now and I don't mind the little subsidies here and there for cinema trips, eating out etc. DH thinks I'm doing him no favours. I can see where he is coming from, he had to work when he was at college as did I as our parents didn't have excess money however we are in a position to help DS along which was always my dream.

Thoughts please, without insults

I’d be asking myself how many hours a week is he putting in on the Xbox.

My DD is doing A-Levels and does not have a paying job. I don't mind as she works hard at her studies and does volunteer work. She doesn't ask for money often.

I think i'm minded to agree with your DH, but I'm aware that i'm saying that as someone who has worked weekends from being 14. Not only did it give me my own money but also valuable experience of being able to pick things up quickly, fit into a team and show initiative.

Of course it will depend on your area; I lived in a large town and was able to work weekends 9am-1pm in a hotel, then from 16 in a high street shop while I was studying, usually 8.30-1.30 sat and 10-4 on sunday. From 18 i then did agency temp work in a factory full time during holidays on top of the shop work.

I didn't work in 6th form and managed to turn into a productive adult in a fairly senior role in the NHS. My Dsis only worked 4 weeks to pay for a holiday she wanted - she now owns and runs a business. You don't need a fast food dead end job to succeed in life - it can be useful to get the things you want which are beyond what parents can/want to pay for but that's it.

My DD1 has also not worked through 6th form and is now at university - working in a volunteer role in the field she is studying for, having got the job through a competitive interview. A fast food job would not have enhanced her application at all.

If your DS wants a job, he should go for it. If not, well, he's under 18, you are his parents and unless money is so tight that you need the income you should really be funding him for at least the essentials.

And if nothing else ds has a new found respect for people who do these kind of jobs and he sees how bloody hard they work, that is a great outcome in itself.

I think if you son wants a job at this age and thinks he can handle it alongside school to get some extra money/experience to top up his allowance that's one thing. If your husband wants him to get a job during term time because he resents the freedoms you son has due to his age and expects him to financially contribute to the household that is another (look at him sleeping in/swanning about while I pay for him?).

When your husband was your son's age did he go to school full time and work at the same time as having additional learning needs? If not, then he doesn't understand the pressures involved.

If your son is working in the holidays he is already doing more than most of his peers and learning about the real world. Most sixteen year olds do not have part time jobs OR work in the summer.

I am dyslexic so school was much harder and I was under additional stress compared to others my age. I had to spend more time studying at home and thinking about my future. I got put under a lot of pressure from my dad to get a job during term time and to pay rent, but he was abusive towards me generally. It made me extremely distressed and anxious.

I'd been working during the holidays from the age of fourteen doing basic office tasks where my mum worked. I also did ad hoc babysitting and covered for a family member's childminder when she went on holiday. This still wasn't enough, ultimately it wasn't about me but my father's resentment of my life style, which I had due to being a child he was legally financially responsible for. Teenagers are supposed to have more freedom and less responsibility than adults, and they only get this special time once.

I think if the goal truly is to help your son and not resentment based then I don't see why the focus is just paid work. I did volunteering and clubs which taught lots of valuable skills and gave helpful life experience. They also helped me get paid work after I left university and left me with wonderful memories. I do support an allowance though, and not topping your son up if her over spends as this teaches budgeting in a safe, low consequence, way. Provided the allowance is of a fair value so would cover reasonable expenses.

I worked sunday job in a shop 5 hours week. Something like that would be perfectly fine

I also think working and studying is different when it comes to young people without additional learning needs. If he didn't have issues with learning and wasn't having to do resits then I'd see no issue with encouraging a part time job for a few hours a week.

I had a friend who was very academic and had a job on Saturday morning during term time. That was fine for her, as someone who found school very easy. I really struggled and I would have also struggled with the sort of basic work available to most teens due to my dyslexia. Some of the work I did do in the holidays damaged my confidence as I made mistakes due to my learning challenges. Unpaid work I found and clubs helped me a lot more, so it depends on child's circumstances.

My eldest son had a job whilst he was in7th form and if I’m honest he ended up more interested in earning money than studying. He didn’t have great A level results , didn’t want to go to uni but is a hard worker and is currently working and travelling in NZ.
DS2 is in lower 6th studying and in a rugby academy. He trains most evenings and has games in the weekend. He would like a job but has very little spare time and I would rather he concentrates on his studies

I meant 6th form and want I meant to say is everyone is different