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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dreading a crap Christmas dinner?

207 replies

Napqueen1234 · 17/12/2019 07:09

Prepared to be told IABU as I should be grateful to get one at all/someone to cook for me. Basically we alternate years with MIL and my family and this year it’s my in laws. For context I’m 8 months pregnant so as a non drinker food is v important to me this year 😂.

My MIL is a terrible cook and takes no joy in hosting. We offered to host but were declined (DH family all 5 mins away from each other and we are 40 mins from there so it’s easier for them I suppose). Won’t cook food she doesn’t like e.g sprouts, pigs in blankets so we end up with a dry turkey crown, not much veg as she doesn’t like it and just a slightly depressing meal.

My dad loves Christmas and goes all out is good cook etc. I just feel so sad to be missing out on my normal Christmas meal the other years it hasn’t bothered me and is obviously part and parcel of taking turns and just life etc but this year I just feel gutted.

Snap me out of this ultimate first world problem please! We have offered to Help (we are making a hamper as a Christmas present of treats and taking Christmas pudding etc so have tried that!). My DH is an only child and not going/ having lunch at home is not an option!

OP posts:
Housemum · 18/12/2019 18:37

Start a rule now of having your Christmas Day meal at home, then see family on Boxing Day/Christmas Eve/weekend as appropriate, alternating each year. I’ve done this since having DD1 nearly 27 years ago! As your child gets older it’s so much easier, they have their home comforts and can properly enjoy their presents. If people want to come to us that’s fine, when I was with ex-h we went to his family on Boxing Day, with DH we have his parents over on Christmas Day in alternate years with his sister.

BarbourellaTheCoatzilla · 18/12/2019 18:46

My DH is an only child and not going/ having lunch at home is not an option!
I do ask DH to ask her to cook extra bits but they have a funny relationship and he doesn’t want to offend her.

Your husband sounds like a wet lettuce tbh. I'd just tell her you're bringing sides and let her huff.

Bunnyfuller · 18/12/2019 18:50

Take a bunch of M andS sides to ‘save her some work’ I’m pretty sure if she hates cooking it’ll be very welcome.

Or just suck it up. I find no one’s roast is as good as your own anyway, that’s why we never bother with the rip-off of a Christmas lunch out.

YappityYapYap · 18/12/2019 18:52

Nothing worse than a crap Christmas dinner. Can you take some sides with you?

Lou12124 · 18/12/2019 18:55

Get dad to save you some amazing xmas dinner for you to go over boxing day! And just think that this time next year you will have a yummy xmas dinner cooked by your dad as its turn for your parents and you'll have a beautiful baby to share it all with aswell! Ps...I would 100% stash all your fav snacks in the car for the way home!

Lou12124 · 18/12/2019 18:56

And pps. ..you will get wine next year! 💃

Fcukthisshit · 18/12/2019 19:00

Just take extras with you - pigs in blankets, stuffing, a nice big pan of cauliflower cheese in the guise of helping take the pressure off MIL. It doesn’t look rude if you take enough for everyone - just looks like you’re trying to help.

Jelly0naplate · 18/12/2019 19:00

Having your own lunch at home is an option - you've invited them, they've said no, you say no problem shall we arrange another day for a get together and to swap gifts as we want to be at home Xmas day.

What will you do when baby's here? Continue to take them there and be miserable every other year?

As another pp says - woman up! stop letting them dictate how you spend your Xmas day.

Original poster
Napqueen1234 · 18/12/2019 19:16

@BarbourellaTheCoatzilla 😂 he is a bit of a wet lettuce with her to be honest! Generally he’s pretty good but they have a weird relationship which is very superficial in a lot of ways and he struggles to every challenge her sometimes bizarre behaviour. Message received loud and clear- this year it’s a bit late but in 2 years when this comes around I’m going to put my foot down!!

OP posts:
AllideasAndNoAction · 18/12/2019 19:16

I feel your pain, I really do. My DH visibly winces when I tell him that this year it’s a certain relative’s turn to host, because although we’ll have fun and we love them dearly, the food will be a bit shit.

Christmas is about more than the food though, isn’t it? The best food in the world is worth nothing if you aren’t sharing it with the right people. Christmas Day can be any day you want it to be really. We have two, one for our family in the south of England and one for our family in the north, usually a week or two apart. Have your fabulous food on a different day with your dad and just chill and enjoy all the other things that are great about being with your MIL on the 25th.

Original poster
Napqueen1234 · 18/12/2019 19:17

ANd I am definitely taking pigs in blankets and sprouts cooked in bacon and masala wine with me this year as the baby NEEDS it

OP posts:
mummyrocks1 · 18/12/2019 19:19

I put on a similar post recently. I was advised just to take what I wanted. Probably the only thing you can do.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 18/12/2019 19:24

Take what you want to eat with the rest of the meal, or tell your DH you're going to your parents for Christmas. Bad enough you can' t drink to get through it, but 8 months pregnant and hungry for decent food? It's your holiday, too. Tell DH he can go by himself if he won't support your need to bring or go somewhere that includes nice food.

Catsinthecupboard · 18/12/2019 19:26

I brought my favorite family foods and they were much better. After initial mockery, it was requested that I bring my favorite foods.

In the end, everyone comes to our home now.

Best wishes and let little things go or change them.Flowers

Holdencaulfieldshomeboy · 18/12/2019 19:26

Oooh I feel you! We never had to go to MIL for Christmas dinner, she always came to us as did my own mum, and I was always so grateful because her cooking was awful and her house was dirty!

MsJuniper · 18/12/2019 19:30

Glad you have decided to take matters into your own hands!

I always feel like that when we go to my PILs - lovely people but they are quite frugal and will just have a couple of veg options - never pigs in blankets, yorkshires etc.

They also hate tradition and my MIL has been known to say she's decided not to do turkey some years as she "fancies a change". I'm thinking but you have salmon/beef/lamb all the time - surely Christmas dinner is a change? I look forward to my special meal. Fortunately those have been years when we've not been going to hers. We stay so there would be no chance of bringing any side dishes with me!

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 18/12/2019 19:34

Ah, I know what you mean on one hand, but on the other it is only a meal. Grin

I clicked on this because this is my furst Christmas as a vegan and I suspect my meal will be crap. That's my own fault.

echoskey · 18/12/2019 19:35

Have you thought of hosting yourself? That way you get to eat what you want

Tighnabruaich · 18/12/2019 19:44

If I had a pound for every mention of 'pigs in blankets' in this thread I'd be - well, not rich, but have enough for a couple of bottles of something nice.
I've never had one, never cooked one, never been to a Christmas meal where they were served. Yet from spending my whole long life never even hearing about the things, now they seem to be everywhere!

vincettenoir · 18/12/2019 19:46

I totally sympathise. My PIL make minimal effort for Xmas dinner. What’s really annoying is that MIL is a good cook but FIL is the one who cooks on Xmas day. I don’t know why.

starfishmummy · 18/12/2019 20:02

YANBU.

My mil does too much, by which I mean too many different things, so theyre not very well cooked (and Im being polite here) and by the time they are all in serving dishes and handed round everything is stone cold. Plus it has all been overcooked. Apart from the frozen sprouts which will be the "traditional" combo of overcooked on the outside while the centre is still a ball of ice.

But there's red hot gravy. And while we are eating another jugful will be heating, up will jump mil and take the cooling gravy to reheat and bring the fresh one in; then five minutes later she swaps them over again!! No one actually wants this but she still does it!! (And I dont eat her gravy as its hideous and of the sliceable variety!!)

LouH1981 · 18/12/2019 20:24

YANBU. Absolutely agree that when you are pregnant there are few pleasures you can look forward to and a Christmas dinner with all the trimmings should be one of them.
If it was me, I’d buy a load of my favourite treats to eat once I got home the thought of which would get me through the day. Then you can settle down in front of Gavin and Stacey and treat yourself xxx

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 18/12/2019 20:52

Did a Christmas with our first child at each grandparents houses in yr 1 and 2. When second child was born (conveniently close to Christmas we laid down the "we're doing Christmas at home from now on" rule as soon as the kids were born as it was easier to host than deal with travelling, catering for kids and Santa at parents/in laws etc. Have never ever regretted it.

CountryGirl1234 · 18/12/2019 21:01

Cook them and bring them over warm. Your pregnant for goodness sake and you can’t be putting up with food below par!
Enjoy and pig out!!

undercoveraessedai · 18/12/2019 21:10

Anyone else just had pigs in blankets for dinner as a result of this thread?!

OP yanbu, it's Christmas!!!