Being a woman v being a man

[Alanis126]

Ok I live in the wealthy West and fully realise that many many women in the world have it way worse than men and suffer at the hands of some of them. I realise F to M trans people exist, but overall I would never want to be anything other than a woman mainly due to the emotional restrictions of the patriarchy on men. I wondered how others felt? It'd be interesting to try being a man but I'd definitely want the option to come back across the gender divide.

I always wished to be a man more than the woman I am. It's taken me my whole life to come to terms with who I was born as. I wear dresses and make up now without feeling 'like a man in drag'. Identity and belonging have always been deeply important to me. There's no way I think I could have been upset to have gone f to m in my youth, but I have been able to gather some level of acceptance that I am as I am and that's that.

I've always been boyish, a tomboy, more male minded. Apparently it can be a factor in autism in females but I'm not so sure that's true anymore. The only surgery I still want to help me be comfortable, in less pain physically and emotionally, and to be back to myself, is a massive bloody breast reduction. It was my breasts which stopped be being the person I was growing to be.

The rest, I can deal with the rest. I just don't feel so ugly and such anymore. I wish I knew what had changed because I've known do many people who feel some degree of what I have my whole life.

Things I'd do if I could be a man for a day:

Pee standing up without a sheewee.

Have sex, probably with a woman because I really want to know what that feels like when you're a guy.

Walk around topless in a sunny day without prejudice and feel the breeze on my bare skin.

Grow a goatee (not sure I could do that in one day but never mind).

Go to work while my partner stays home and does what I do.

'Women are more likely to be raped, because the way in which the crime is defined in law means a man cannot be the victim'

WTAF???

Of course men can be victims of rape in law.
That comment is very very Intetesting as I've seen it made before by other men, and they usually have an axe to grind.

The dismissal of victims of male rape victims in order to try to claim parity between levels of sexual violence against men and women is a total dick move.

So does that mean that you can’t actually name any of these situations where you’d be more at risk of violence than a woman?

Men are more likely to be assault or murder victims than women. Men are also more likely to be the perpetrators. This isn't defence, nor a criticism of men, just a fact.

Oh, are you not including sexual violence then? Because I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t been sexually assaulted, ranging from being grabbed and hands going where they shouldn’t, to full on rape. Assuming you’re a man, how are the sexual violence stats shaping up from your viewpoint?

I believe that sexual violence is put in a different category to other sorts of violence.

The definition of violence is also very male centred (what men do to men is seen as violence, what men do to women is not).

So when it comes to bad things happening when out and about, me and my friends have all had loads more shit than the men we know. It's just that something like a grown man following you and propositioning you aggressively, for example, is not really 'counted' in the same way as a man being aggressive to another male. Yet the former is usually a drop in the ocean for women and girls, and adds into a general sense of caution at all times. The blokes I know who've had aggressive men go off at them it's usually been drink related.

It's different. The idea that men have more to fear is, for me, questionable. It's a stat driven by a male view of the world.

There are places I won't go at night or at all. When I drive through certain districts I make sure that my car doors are locked. I am vigilant when walking alone in the dark. I keep clear of groups of young men.

None of this is unique too women, is it?

Some things are bad for women, some for men. The patriarchy is bad for everyone, it’s bad enough in the UK but elsewhere it’s really really awful. Look at the forced sterilisation of ‘undesirable’ women in south america. Look at what our own prime minister had said about women.

The quote below sums up quite ‘nicely’ how I feel when I’m not in my little flat.
“ I keep moving. I am always moving. I take the stairs, not the lift, never stand on the escalators if on my own, but walk up them instead. I don’t pause to look in shop windows, or watch buskers or the cup-and-ball conmen; I walk on, quickly, with purpose – because I like to get where I am going, yes, but also because I know it’s harder to hit a moving target. If you dart past the rest of the world, allow yourself to be a blur, you’re less likely to be noticed, to attract their attention, get them to question whether there’s something different about you that they either desire, fear, or feel powerful enough to exploit. Experience has taught me perpetual motion is my greatest protection.”
(theguyliner.com/gay-stuff/saturday/)

But back to the main aspect of the thread. I think most of us have had the man/woman for the day discussion. If I could be a woman for the day I’m not sure I would do anything different, apart from sitting down to wee! Boring I know, sorry.

I know that had I been born male I'd have had such a different life. I can't imagine what I'd be like today. If I suddenly woke up as a man but with all my life experience the same as it is now then I'd be me I think, and pretty confused about what was going on,. But if I had been brought up as a boy so many things in my life would be different.

From the ages of 11 up to my early twenties I experienced much sexual abuse, harrassment and I was also raped during this time more than once.

I loved physics at school and I was good at it too. At the time I was discouraged from going down the physics route academics wise. I thought I wasn't good enough, but looking back I really was good enough. I always got As and I really enjoyed the subject. Now I think it was just sexism pure and simple. Nearly all the kids from my school who went on to study phsyics at a higher level were male. I don't believe they were all better at it than me, I just don't. I'm not big headed or arrogant (I probably sound like I am) but I think had I been male I would not have been discouraged.

Then finally at 26 I got pregnant and had my child. This triggered a genetic condition that I'd always had but had never known about and now my mobility and ability to work is limited.

All these things have shaped me so much. I don't know if I'd want all my life experiences taken away either, even the bad stuff like the rape and abuse because it made me who I am.

The only really proper woman thing I have done and enjoyed and would really be sad about if I was a man, is breastfeeding my child. I loved that and I think it's the first time I really saw my body has a proper function and purpose. Pregnancy didn't do it for me so much, I had so many negatives from it I didn't enjoy it. Before that I'd always seen my body as an object to be looked at. Pregnancy I felt like a cow on a field, but breastfeeding felt like wow my body is amazing, it has a purpose now. But then if I'd been born male I wouldn't know that I'd missed out on that.

When I was young I desperately wanted to be a boy. Used to wear lose clothing and baseball caps. It made me happy when a newcomer to a big group of guys didn't realise I was a girl. I also stupidly thought I'm special,not like the other girls, I was one of the boys. That came back to bite me in the arse more than once. I "acted" as a boy. I mostly hung out and formed close relationships with boys and in big groups gravitated towards them. The friendships turned sour and sometimes downright creepy once I started developing.

As I matured I realised I didn't want to be a boy. What I wanted was their freedom. What I wanted was my behaviour to be accepted rather than being told I'm acting as a boy. What I wanted was the expectations and limits that were put on me to go away. What I wanted was to not be harassed,assaulted ,beeped at,touched, leered at or propositioned by grown men etc starting from a young age. What I wanted is not to be told I deserved it all because I was too loud,too forward, too sweary etc.

I didn't want to be a boy, but I wanted the freedom they had, especially when so many things I wanted to do were ok for boys. Scary how if this happened 20 years later I might've actually "ended up "as one.

I LOVE being a woman and I don’t need to try being a man

The dismissal of victims of male rape victims in order to try to claim parity between levels of sexual violence against men and women is a total dick move.

It might be but it's not what I am saying. It's too long since I did a criminal law course and I overlooked the change from forcible buggery to rape in the 2003 Act. I entirely agree that women are more likely to suffer sexual violence than are men, but contrary to popular perception women are a lot less likely to suffer non-sexual violence.

Well, women are a lot less likely to report it, anyway. Which is all the stats can show.

There is no stat anywhere for the time I was pushed down the stairs, or the time I was near strangled. Two different men btw, neither with convictions for violence.

One reason they are less likely to report it is that it happens at home. There are no stats for the weekly beatings my mother got from her husband.

And should they exist Fa, it's ime one number in the stats per DV, not one number per beating.

Another cunning way to underplay male violence.

Anyway, statistics don't mean much when trying to work out what things feel like - or we would be more scared of getting into a car than a plane.
What's the effect of almost all murder victims on TV being women? What's the effect of porn? etcetc

Great thread, I'm a man. I am pissed off with the way the patriarchy puts expectations on both sexes. I have no idea what it's like to be a women and I'm not sure I'd want to be as my entire life experience is as a man. But there a few things that (I imagine) are great about being a woman.

1. The incredible bond with your baby and children , due to pregnancy / childbirth /breastfeeding. I watch my wife during this period and was just in awe of the connection between mother and child. Also I'm a SAHD and spend plenty of time with the kids, but in moments of stress and need they always want mummy.

1. The way in which woman are "allowed" (by society) to be much more emotionally open and free, and they way the seeming ease they can create and cultivate close relationships. I get so depressed with the typical emotionally stunted male to male relationships, and that although I'm sure that most men would want to move beyond that there is too much fear of moving outside the ridgid gender norms. Outside of my relationship with my wife, I do feel very lonely sometimes and am in awe of certain women who find it so easy to talk, relate and share an emotional connection (usually with other women). It almost like men are missing out on a fundamental part of life.

I think one difference between sexual violence and other types of violence is that it seems to be much harder to get a conviction. So much comes down to one persons word against another. In most cases There is no clear evidence in the ways of bruises of more serious injury, so even getting acceptance that a crime has been committed is difficult

So a woman can suffer horrendously, and no one might know unless she says and if she does people might not believe her.

I guess it's slightly harder to feel sympathy for the problems of men with patriarchy, as it is men who are mostly making the rules ( hence it's called patriarchy) ..although I see that's a little unfair as there is also a class issue there with ones making the rules typically belonging to the upper classes

Good points Anti, I think you are right on those.

Aside from all the threats of violence and fear etc... there's a huge amount of posts on here from women who have to put up with a load of stuff from their other halves, like laziness, unwillingness to do their fair share with the kids, coming home in a drunken mess etc etc. It just makes me wonder do men have to 'put up' with anywhere near as much in order to maintain a relationship? Obviously there's exceptions to this, but I'm talking about in general, a lot of women seem to have to grin and bear a lot of crap

I wondered how others felt?

Mostly I think it would be fucking annoying to have dangly bits flopping about between my legs.

That and how rubbish it must be to never be able to experience pregnancy, but then I loved being pregnant.

Many women grin and bear a lot of crap because of economic vulnerability I think. Having children makes most women poorer than men.

I think generally everyone has it easier when they stop giving a crap about the societal expectations of their gender.
So what if men are expected to be less emotional or women are expected to do this that and the other. I know its easier said than done but my life became a lot simpler when I stopped giving a shit about how 'a woman' was supposed to act and started focusing on what I wanted to do, and DP is much the same.
But yeah generally its safer being a man, so if I had the ability to change at will I'd go jogging at night as a guy.

'I overlooked the change from forcible buggery to rape in the 2003 Act.'

What a bizarre justification / contribution to the thread.

Strangely, the women seem to be well aware of the definition of rape in law and that it is non consensual penetration with a penis. 2003 isn't exactly recently...

Your assertion that men cannot be raped in law in the UK and hence the stats show its women who are raped was wholly totally and utterly incorrect and yet you thought it your place to assert it in a definite manner to refute women's conversation about sexual violence.

Take a think about how that comes across.

Never having to endure periods, pregnancy scares. Being bigger and stronger. Not being told to smile, being dismissed and belittled... yes, I’d like to try that out.

I’ve never wanted children so the whole reproductive thing has just been a useless millstone for me.