Being a woman v being a man

[Alanis126]

Ok I live in the wealthy West and fully realise that many many women in the world have it way worse than men and suffer at the hands of some of them. I realise F to M trans people exist, but overall I would never want to be anything other than a woman mainly due to the emotional restrictions of the patriarchy on men. I wondered how others felt? It'd be interesting to try being a man but I'd definitely want the option to come back across the gender divide.

I’d love to be a man for a day, I’d like to experience sex as a man.

Another bloke here with some mansplaining. Joke!

Glad I was born a man but since I will never be a woman how can I know which I would prefer?
Men don't live as long on average so there is that, far more liable to kill themselves too. Never give birth, not sure if that's a plus or a minus?!

Men feel threatened to as they are more likely to be victims of violence than women in certain situations

Women are stastically more likely to be killed, sexually assaulted, raped, or seriously assaulted. Women are more likely to be murdered in their own home. Women are more likely to be killed by someone they know. Statistically, the perpetrator of these crimes against women is most likely to be male.

Women feel threatened on an almost daily basis and, as a gender, many of our behaviours are based around keeping ourselves safe. Until you've had to evaluate the route you will walk, your outfit, how you will behave, and what time you will be home all while being mindful of your own safety from men then you do not understand what it is to feel the same level of vulnerability often felt by women.

Giving birth is a plus and a minus.

The bond with your baby starts 9 months before the mans. They are more obviously part of you. Society is more supportive of you stepping back to focus on your children. Alternatively society forces you to be the one to step back and focus on the children.

Obviously there are risks including miscarriage or your own death that go with pregnancy, but I think the biggest minus are the risk of getting pregnant when you don't want to. When , as a result of rape, you are faced with a life changing life long commitment or abortion.

I agree with you HoHo but we are under constant threat because of our sex not our gender.

Men don't live as long on average so there is that, far more liable to kill themselves too. Never give birth, not sure if that's a plus or a minus?!

Never be accused of inviting their own rape due to wear the wrong clothing, drinking too much, or being in the wrong place.

Never be told to "cheer up, love" or "smile, pet".

Never be shamed for being too fat or too thin or wearing too much make up or not enough make up.

Never be asked at interviews what your childcare arrangements are, always asked "conversationally" of course because to ask officially as part of the interview is illegal. Funny how often it comes up "in conversation" though.

Never have your dedication to your job questioned purely because you have children or might want children.

Allowed to be in a bad mood without being asked if you're "on your rag" or it being blamed on hormones.

Allowed to have sex with any willing partner and celebrated for it instead of being labelled a slag or insinuations made that you must have a stretched out vagina.

Speaking of vaginas, no one presuming your genitals must be permanently cavernous or your body permanently stretched and flabby after you having a baby.

Never having to go on a date with the vague fear that you might be meeting up with a rapist or a murderer or having to make plans with a friend to phone you during it to check you're safe and give a prearranged codeword if you're not.

Never having your date presume you owe then sexual favours just because they paid for a drink or some food.

Never having to be painfully aware that the guy you are acquaintances with after he asked you out and you said no considers himself "friendzoned" and really does believe he is owed sex for being "a nice guy".

Speaking of rejection, never having to worry that the man you turned down may not be the sort to take no for an answer.

"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them," - this about sums it up.

I agree with you HoHo but we are under constant threat because of our sex not our gender.

My apologies, please feel free to substitute sex for gender when reading my posts.

From age about 8 to 21 I defiantly wanted to be a boy / man. Then I realised it wasn't going to happen.
Why? Avoidance of sexual attention. Removal of period pain. To be allowed to be loud , to enjoy maths, to play rugby. Inability to fit in with girly gossip and a hatred of shopping and make up.

Well said HoHo
Yes, that's the fear.

Women are stastically more likely to be killed, sexually assaulted, raped, or seriously assaulted.

In the UK, 70% of murder victims are male and 30% female. The figures are similar for serious non-sexual assault. Women are more likely to be raped, because the way in which the crime is defined in law means a man cannot be the victim.

Men get more judged

Examples please?

"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them,"

Always this.

Tell us, men, how does the fear of attack or murder change your behaviour?

Im just saying its not all gravy being a man. That's all. So does that mean that you can’t actually name any of these situations where you’d be more at risk of violence than a woman?

I mean, we all know it’s not in the home, where the ONS will confirm that women suffer from domestic violence more than men do. I thought it might be in pubs and clubs at the weekend, as all of us females know how gentle and chivalrous drunken yobs can be when it comes to lone women, but then remembered how often men get aggressive when they get told ‘no’, or debating whether or not to take that short cut home in case I got attacked. I mean, I’m sure Nuts and Zoo magazines did regular articles about how to stay safe when you went out, right? And I’m quite sure you often have to walk home with keys through your fingers too, right?

@TalbotAMan

Men can be raped. Women cannot commit rape because it is an action committed by a penis. You’ve got it the wrong way round.

Also, men might be more likely to be murdered but the murderers are overwhelmingly male. At around 76% according to ONS figs for 2017.

Men might be more likely to be murdered but do they walk round alone with keys clenched in their fists, do they make sure they text their mates when they’re in from a night out?

Men have a lower life expectancy, higher rates of depression and suicide. They also face violence in male aggression as teens. But I don’t think overall their experience is as bad as women’s

So does that mean that you can’t actually name any of these situations where you’d be more at risk of violence than a woman?

Men are more likely to be assault or murder victims than women. Men are also more likely to be the perpetrators. This isn't defence, nor a criticism of men, just a fact.

Tell us, men, how does the fear of attack or murder change your behaviour?

There are places I won't go at night or at all. When I drive through certain districts I make sure that my car doors are locked. I am vigilant when walking alone in the dark. I keep clear of groups of young men.

"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them," - this about sums it up.

Not this one. Also it has never entered my head to assault anyone regardless of their gender.

Men might be more likely to be murdered but do they walk round alone with keys clenched in their fists, do they make sure they text their mates when they’re in from a night out?

Well, not personally, but I will often have a hand in the pocket that contains the keys and I don't live alone so there are people expecting me back.

Women post a thread discussing issues pertaining to women and lo and fucking behold, here come the men to tell us how we are mistaken.

Shock.

I think that this is just one of those goady 'Us vs Them' threads that pop up occasionally. There is no denying that women face problems/challenges that a man never will. It's also fair to say that being a man isn't always a walk in the park.

The majority of us respect and try to understand each other regardless of sex. To judge each gender on the basis of its lowest denominators does a disservice to everyone.

On a parallel forum elsewhere the question being posed is "would you prefer to be a non BAME or a man?"

Food for thought eh @Arnoldthecat and @TalbotAMan ?

There are places I won't go at night or at all. When I drive through certain districts I make sure that my car doors are locked. I am vigilant when walking alone in the dark. I keep clear of groups of young men.

Do you modify how you dress? Are you wary of saying no to men and instead try to phrase it without actually saying no incase that particular word prompts them to kick off? Do you attempt to be pleasing and placating for the same reasons? Do you keep the top of your drink covered while in a bar or club and never, ever leave it unattended in case it gets spiked? Do you avoid being alone with certain men in certain situations? If you have ever been hurt by a man, have you ever been told it was your own fault for leading him on/making him angry/being alone with him/walking home alone/whatever other reason?

*Women post a thread discussing issues pertaining to women and lo and fucking behold, here come the men to tell us how we are mistaken.

Shock.*

From the OP:
I would never want to be anything other than a woman mainly due to the emotional restrictions of the patriarchy on men. I wondered how others felt? It'd be interesting to try being a man but I'd definitely want the option to come back across the gender divide.

But yes, if you as a woman think you know what it's like to be a man, you are almost certainly mistaken. As would a man who thought he knew what it was like to be a woman.