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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your revenge ideas

113 replies

questionquestion1 · 13/12/2019 23:48

Have been very very badly hurt by now ex boyfriend.

I want him to suffer in the way I have and am suffering.

People always say 'oh karma will catch up with them,' in such situations but I have never ever seen that happen. Bad people always seem to get away with things, damage others and suffer no consequences.

I also do not believe that you get revenge by 'living your best life' which is an often trotted out line.

So this is not about whether I should or shouldn't seek revenge, I know for sure I want to; I'm just looking for inspiration from others who have done likewise who can share inspiration.

He does not have a car here so cannot key it and are not in the same house so cannot put tuna in the curtains or whatever it is, so just looking for other ideas.

(Name change for obvious reason; I can assure you my post is real.)

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 14/12/2019 09:03

@MuchBetterNow I think that was Bricktop with a NC

MuchBetterNow · 14/12/2019 09:09

Ah ok, just seemed like the op.

RealJudas · 14/12/2019 09:51

I have a friend whose boyfriend cheated on her and they split up - she took revenge by emailing all of his colleagues to tell them what he had done.... Fast forward a year and they got back together and are now married (God knows why, he's hardly a keeper but anyway..).... I can't help but feel that as well as the shadow of his infidelity in their relationship, there's also the shadow of what she did lurking in the background.

Oh and did it make her feel any better at the time? Well yes, but only for about 5 minutes!

Don't do it OP!

QueenOfTheFae · 14/12/2019 09:56

You could sign him up for MLMs like younique, or forever aloe...

Or.you could get over it

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 14/12/2019 09:58

Move on let it go.

recrudescence · 14/12/2019 10:02

Hitman + burial in motorway foundations. It’s worked for all my enemies.

Costacoffeeplease · 14/12/2019 10:19

Do you want him to think he’s ruined your life, that he’s so great you can’t get over losing him? Any type of revenge and you’ll just look desperate and stupid

Have a bit of pride and dignity and just forget him

HamAndPineapple · 14/12/2019 10:21

'move on, let it go'' is actually terrible advice when the OP is feeling in a lot of pain right now.

I agree, don't do anything illegal. Don't do anything that can be traced back to you.

But, 20 years ago, I did something small and it was a small sandbag overboard. It helped me feel a bit less worthless, a tiny, tiny bit less wronged. I felt like the world had some order. Some small tiny amount of justice in a world that shrugged at my pain and said ''move on''

I'm over it now of course! But I am glad that there was something inside me trying to fight back, it set me on the road to mental recovery.

There are stages you have to go through before you get to ''move on''.

And ''move on'' on its own with no further words of advice or wisdom or comfort are so trite they're just adding insult to injury.

SimonJT · 14/12/2019 10:24

So you’re a horrible scumbag then, I hope someone warns any future partners what you’re really like.

crispysausagerolls · 14/12/2019 10:25

Depends what he did I suppose.

An ex I was living with years ago was on swinging websites behind my back. Wanking on webcam with women blah blah blah (whilst staying in my family home to save money!)

I wrote all about it on his fb profile and logged him out, his teaching colleagues were friends. I also wrote a long email to his pious and judgemental bitch of a mother who was so rude to me to let her know her son was up to no good. When he started stalking me and sending messages saying he was watching me I called the police and they scared the shit out of him because he was a little coward.

I don’t regret it really. Felt good. Actually regret dating him though! Was a rebound 🙈

HamAndPineapple · 14/12/2019 10:41

Lol!

The facebook ones are risky because social media is such a minefield.

What did you say to his mother!? Did she respond. I am glad it made you feel better.

The x that I did a petty revenge on, he smeared my character to mutual friends and family so that he could dump me and still be the good guy. He should have just dumped me, but he made up something to reframe it where he was the good one who couldn't tolerate my xyz.

crispysausagerolls · 14/12/2019 10:45

What did you say to his mother!? Did she respond. I am glad it made you feel better

We were on holiday when this all came out so I was stuck. He was in the shower and I took his phone and wrote an email to his mother (or laptop? Can’t remember). And timed it to send as we were at the airport about to board for a 12 hour flight, so if there was a fallout I wouldn’t find out. Same with changing the password on fb - he just didn’t realise.

I just explicitly explained what I had found and what he had done. I actually think the phrase “masturbating with strangers on the internet” was used. Sure that one had her choking on her tea!

Then we got to the plane, I managed to change my seat away from him, and never spoke to him again! His stalking messages were all ignored later 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s just such a scummy, scummy thing for him to have done. I don’t feel bad for outing it!

HamAndPineapple · 14/12/2019 10:49

Nicely done!

I have had a couple of ex's mothers who suffered badly from that delusion where they imagined wrongly that the problem was that I was not good enough for their son. One man I dated throughout my 20s, when we parted his mother said to him that I must have ''felt like a bit of an also-ran'' (next to her great son).

I would have loved to have sent her a letter setting out the reasons. My feeling like an also-ran next to him Confused ha ha.

Picklypickles · 14/12/2019 10:53

Oh don't do it! I've gone down the revenge route, like you because I wanted him to hurt the way he'd hurt me. Covered his classic car in horse shit etc. Guess what? It didn't hurt him the way he'd hurt me. Because he simply didn't care about me like I cared about him, if he did he wouldn't have treated me the way he did. He actually enjoyed the drama, it was a lovely ego boost for him. Not only did I end up looking like a crazy bunny boiler to all and sundry but I also got arrested. Thankfully ex couldn't stop texting me goady crap even as I was in my police interview, when they saw his texts they saw exactly what was really going on and threatened to charge him with wasting police time, however it was still not a pleasant experience for me. If I could go back in time I wouldn't have done a thing, I'd have cut him off dead and left him without his drama and feeling completely unimportant.

PhilCornwall1 · 14/12/2019 10:54

I wrote all about it on his fb profile and logged him out, his teaching colleagues were friends.

That was more than a little risky to do that on social media, if he was so inclined, he could have done something about that.

myfuckingfreezer · 14/12/2019 10:56

Why should people always get away with doing bad things just because they are not illegal?

You mean like you're going to?

You'll humiliate yourself OP

crispysausagerolls · 14/12/2019 10:59

@PhilCornwall1

What could he have done?

I mean when the police went round to talk to him, he could have easily mentioned it but I never had comment from them about it.

crispysausagerolls · 14/12/2019 10:59

@PhilCornwall1

Also I was an angry 21 year old who wasn’t thinking beyond rage so probably wouldn’t have thought about that! Idiot me

Damnloginpopup · 14/12/2019 11:01

I'm sorry that you're so hurt.

Howtosupportmyfriend · 14/12/2019 11:05

Acting out of anger and hurt is rarely a good idea. I don’t think toodle was being awful. What you’re thinking isn’t really what someone in a stable mental state would do.

Be the bigger person here.

Purpletigers · 14/12/2019 11:06

Don’t do anything . He doesn’t care about you so any attempt to make him feel bad won’t work . He’ll probably enjoy the fact that you still care so much .

PhilCornwall1 · 14/12/2019 11:06

@crispysausagerolls

Why involve the Police? He could have simply gone to a Solicitor to discuss what, if anything could be done.

Clevererthanyou · 14/12/2019 11:07

Play it cool and act like you’re completely unbothered, it will be hard but it’s preferable to let the prick see you’re surviving happily rather than broken over him.
Wait for a year as previously suggested and cover his car with paint stripper. Done.

LifeAndSoulOfThe · 14/12/2019 11:09

One of my friends boyfriends cheated on her, she found out didn’t tell him but pissed on his toothbrush for 3 weeks then told him Shock

Serve this cold Op, don’t rush

Zzzz19 · 14/12/2019 11:11

Women who do this sort of thing tend to get labelled as nutters and often the man doesn’t care anyway. It’s not worth the energy