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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want friends using our home whilst we’re away

435 replies

Chercando · 13/12/2019 22:33

We live in a tourist area and have for 5yrs. Most of our long standing friends live in the city and in the time we’ve been here we’ve had visitors I can count on 1 hand (and even then because they’ve had business in the area/funerals/other friends or family to see) and this is despite us having 2 babies in this time. Contact has been mainly because we’ve driven 7hrs to see them. My partner has known these friends for over 10yrs and me about 7yrs.
We’re going away over Xmas and a couple from the group heard about this. They are currently travelling around the country deciding where to settle and have just come back from 5mths travelling overseas too. They’ve had a few months of staying with members of the friends group in the city and want to stay in our house whilst we’re away, especially because it’s the place to be for the holidays. They ‘might’ do a night with us at our holiday place but more to make getting the keys ‘easier’. I haven’t spoken to them for 3yrs despite sending messages and my partner’s seen the guy 2 times. They haven’t been in touch at all since they came back from travelling.
He’s said yes to them staying but I feel really uncomfortable with this. This is our family home, they’ll be sleeping in either our bed or our children’s rooms and they also want to have another couple we know around whilst we’re away. There’s been no talk of them all coming to join us for the day (it’s only a 40min drive from our house) and I feel like we’re being used a bit. My partners really upset I’ve compromised at them staying but not using the house to entertain. He thinks this is insulting especially to the other couple who we are actually much closer to. I just don’t want them thinking it’s a free for all and the stress of clearing things away, getting rooms ready, paying utilities whilst we’re away etc. I am quite a private person and it’s really important to me that my home is my sanctuary which I have some control over but my partner doesn’t seem to understand.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 14/12/2019 15:24

they also want to have another couple we know around whilst we’re away

They’re going to use your house as a party house-what a cheek!

You’ll have to clean the house top to bottom before you go as otherwise they might think you’re filthy (my paranoia!) and they’ll probably go through your stuff. Not good!

Booboooo · 14/12/2019 15:26

Hell to the no!

MrsAJ27 · 14/12/2019 15:34

I cannot believe the cheek of some ppl! Tell them to fuck off

Loopytiles · 14/12/2019 15:55

Has DH messaged them yet, or is he being “difficult”?

kateandme · 14/12/2019 16:31

please come and tell us this is sorted.

Reallynowdear · 14/12/2019 16:39

These people are no friends of yours.

3 YEARS ffs, no chance.

I hope your husband understands this is your home too and any decisions should always jointly agreed.

simonisnotme · 14/12/2019 17:07

they aint friends , they are utter tossers tell em to fuck off and pay for a venue

BaolFan · 14/12/2019 17:30

No, no, no.

Tell your DH to strap on his big boy pants and tell them to fuck off - because if he doesn't then you will.

No way would I let these CF anywhere near my home.

messolini9 · 14/12/2019 17:37

Are these randoms more important than you. Ask him this.
All hilarity at the utter, random fucking gall of these people aside, yeah - THIS, from @ElsieMc.

What is DH's problem - does he so desperately need to people-please that he has forgotten this couple haven't bothered with him in years?

Or does he feel he has a right to piss of the co-owner of his home, purely on his say-so?

Where are you OP? - come back & tell us he has not gone terminally bonkers & can see how risible this CF-ery is, & how difficult his insane decision is for his wife's peace of mind?

WingingItSince1973 · 14/12/2019 17:41

Absolutely no way. These people are practically strangers now and should be treated as such and you wouldn't allow strangers to have the keys to your house and all your personal possessions without you being there. Even if you were there it still would be a big no from me! Cheeky whatsists!

Gatekeeper · 14/12/2019 17:45

change your locks and give the Cf-ers the old keys

ohfourfoxache · 14/12/2019 17:45

Fuck that Shock

I’m gobsmacked they had the cheek to ask

perfectstorm · 14/12/2019 20:06

@Gatekeeper is an evil genius.

selmabear · 14/12/2019 20:10

Hell no. I wouldn't ever allow this. Some circumstances yes but because "it's the place to be?" Tell them to fuck off and pay of a b&b or Airbnb like normal people.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 14/12/2019 20:16

They sound like CFs ... not interested in actually spending time with either of you, just want the holiday.

Have your DH tell them plans have changed and your own extended family will be using your house, so they can't stay there if he doesn't have the balls to just say you've decided it doesn't work for you.

gingerbiscuits · 14/12/2019 21:49

How rude! They are totally using you! No way on earth would I open my home to them. I'd make an excuse & get out of it altogether.

QueenoftheNowhereverse · 14/12/2019 22:07

Not a hope in hell. We had a friend coerce us into this... turns out she was using our place to host a shag-a-than with her ex hoping to conceive another baby. She was paying him but wouldn’t pay for a hotel. He’s well past the ‘four x 4’ stage, and appears to be aiming for a record of children by different moths, all by direct semination so isn’t the type of guy you’d want in your home (and she was told this repeatedly before we walked out the door). We weren’t even 3 miles down the road and she was opening our front door to him. When confronted with the CCTV, we got abusive messages from her and her family.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 14/12/2019 22:25

Yes I’d send the message ‘apparently dh has said you can stay in our house while we’re away? Sorry but you definitely can’t. I don’t want strangers in my house while I’m not there.’

And leave it at that.

cherish123 · 14/12/2019 23:08

I would say no. DEFINITELY. If you feel uncomfortable about being direct, just say it's because you don't know when you are returning and just want a quiet time when you do return home. If you do decide to let them stay, I would not charge them.

WhatchaMean · 14/12/2019 23:14

Cheeky bastards. I'd be saying no and not even giving a reason

morriseysquif · 14/12/2019 23:22

@81Byerley

An email or phone call. "Sorry, thought we'd better let you know ASAP the house won't be available for you to stay in after all. Hope you find a nice B&B instead. Happy Christmas!"

This ^^^ is perfect.

You would not enjoy your holiday enabling CFs to take advantage.

MulticolourTinselOnTheTree · 14/12/2019 23:47

YANBU, OP, your DH is.

  1. for unilaterally telling them they can stay without even the merest discussion with you, and

  2. for people pleasing in the first place, to people who haven't contacted you for 3 years and who are clearly just using you both for your house.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 15/12/2019 06:24

I’m sure they can rent an apartment or book an Airbnb or even stretch to a hotel if it’s that important. You’re not ruining their plans as they can still stay in the tourist area & entertain guests, they just have to pay for the pleasure! I wouldn’t be comfortable with them staying in my house whilst I’m not there, you aren’t even close.

You should show your partner this thread

MzHz · 15/12/2019 08:33

This is the time that YOU need to step up and text them and tell them that No, you’re not going to allow anyone in you home while you’re not there, that it was extremely cheeky of them not to ask and put dh on the spot like that, to further assume that it’d be ok to invite strangers to your home was the icing on the cake. No. Just no.

These people don’t give you the time of day when you text them, they don’t even want to see you to supposedly thank you for the extremely kind generosity of allowing them free accommodation,
You have absolutely zero importance to them.

So now you know. Fuck. Them. Off.

Don’t spare their feelings, they have none for you.

SweetMarmalade · 15/12/2019 09:15

Dear CF

Dh mentioned that you’d been in touch wanting to stay while we’re away?
He doesn’t know but I’m surprising him by having a house makeover while the house is empty.
Could do with you letting him know that your plans have changed and that you now can’t stay, wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise!
Can’t WAIT to see his face!

Enjoy your Freeloading Christmas elsewhere Grin