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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is selfish (nativity)

252 replies

LolaDabestest · 12/12/2019 19:19

My child's nativity today, 2 showings morning and afternoon. My daughter had a decent part with lines...not showing off they started school as a shy quiet child so massive step for her and I wanted to get her part on my phone. Anyway got there 15 minutes early I'm never one of the saddos that arrives early to hog the front row I always just slink to the back.
Bare in mind I was 15 minutes early front row was filled and ended up having to slink to the back.
I looked along the front row and there was literally about 4 parents the rest were obviously extended family bit peeved but hey they obviously got there mega early I don't got time for that shit.

I had to stand at the back zooming in to get a vid of my child which was annoying but hey ho. Anyway my aibu is I later found out that the parents at the front mum, dad, two sets of grandparents had been to both the showings (4 hours apart) and took up half the front row in both shows!! Their child didn't have a speaking part(), it's really pissed me off tbh as they should have at least let other parents have a chance at being at the front to get some decent pics etc. And the fact that it was half their family as well.

Anyway I know I sound precious but without going into things this was a massive moment for my child and it would have been nice to actually have had a decent view and come away with a nice vid of her part.

OP posts:
spingly · 13/12/2019 10:35

You are not coming a cross well OP, should it be front rower seat reserved for those whose children have speaking parts only?

Original poster
LolaDabestest · 13/12/2019 10:39

Please rtft I don't care they say there once it was the fact they sat there twice....and no one else got a look in they had a front the view in the morning.

OP posts:
Di11y · 13/12/2019 10:41

sounds to me school need to organise themselves better. parents only allowed in 15 mins before start here, and 2 tix allowed across 2 performances. video taken by school and photos allowed at end where children are posed.

Original poster
LolaDabestest · 13/12/2019 10:42

And I added I found out she had a speaking part but didn't say it in the afternoon one the teacher did, her part and my daughters were actually equal. But in all fairness if my child was just in the chorus no I wouldn't sit on the front the over someone else whose child was a main part as Id feel a dick hence why I always sit at the back as long as my child knows I'm there.

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaDabestest · 13/12/2019 10:44

Yes I was chuffed she had a speaking part as it's normally the shy quiet ones that get overlooked in these things.

OP posts:
spingly · 13/12/2019 10:45

@LolaDabestest I find that you wouldn't sit in the front (assuming you were there first) because your child doesn't have a main part? I'd teach my child it's important whatever the part and if I was there first would sit in the front. Besides if not everyone follows your logic then it's pointless anyway as another "not main" part parent would sit there,

NailsNeedDoing · 13/12/2019 10:45

We don’t allow parents in until 15 minutes before the start, it doesn’t stop them queuing up outside. There’s really only so much the school can do, they aren’t there to manage crowd control on large numbers of parents. The parents can fight it out amongst themselves.

converseandjeans · 13/12/2019 10:48

YANBU there are always people who do this at my DCs school. No need for them to grab front row both times. They will do this every year.....
However I would be annoyed to sit behind or next to you if you were filming.

UnnecessarilyUpset · 13/12/2019 10:50

YANBU to find this selfish.

YABU for making this about your child and that they had lines in the play - if this family wasn't there first somebody else would have been - you said you were at the back afterall.

Original poster
LolaDabestest · 13/12/2019 11:04

I wasn't standing there like Spielberg for the whole thing litrally filmed my daughters bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaDabestest · 13/12/2019 11:05

I wouldn't have cared if another family had sat there...my point was the family in question had sat there twice in the space of 3 hours.

OP posts:
ThinkIamflyingundertheradar · 13/12/2019 11:11

I think YABU on many levels. The children who regularly get speaking roles are not the loud outspoken ones, that seems a very judgemental way to describe them. They are the ones who can be relied on to stand up and speak up. It would be unkind and unreasonable to give a speaking part to a child who the teacher knows might be too shy or overwhelmed at the performance.

I had two DC. One was very shy at infants school (not anymore though!) and couldn’t have coped with a speaking part, the other thrived on audience attention and loved performing so nearly always got a speaking part. I would have been very pissed off of there had been some sort of hierarchy that said my shy child was less important and so I should sit in the back row. Equally I didn’t think I was entitled to the front row when the more confident child was centre stage.

nowayhose · 13/12/2019 11:17

Sorry OP, but once I read

''Anyway I know I sound precious but without going into things this was a massive moment for my child and it would have been nice to actually have had a decent view and come away with a nice vid of her part.''

After you said you don't have time 'for that shit'' i.e getting there early enough to bag front row seats, I just thought you were acting a bit too entitled TBH.

If the speaking part was such an important milestone for your DC, then you should have sucked it up and gone a lot earlier so you could get a good view and record it for posterity !
It's no-one else's fault you couldn't be arsed is it ??

OneDay10 · 13/12/2019 11:19

Our school only allows 2 tickets for the first rows and then additional tickets at the further rows, so parents first and family at the back. That is very fair.

Londongirl86 · 13/12/2019 11:25

I stood up at the back and still enjoyed it. That said we wasn't allowed to film but take pictures at the end. Have to be careful as some kids can't be filmed etc. It is a case of first come first served. Maybe the grandparents are unable to walk as easily etc so made sure they could get say down?

riotlady · 13/12/2019 11:37

If it was so full when you got there that you had to go to the back, the front row still would have been taken even if they hadn’t sat there though.

WhatToDo999 · 13/12/2019 11:42

At my DD's infant school, and now at junior school, the front row is always reserved for the school governors. A lot of them have no idea who the kids are, and sit there chatting among themselves whilst the parents sit behind straining to see what is going on.

At DD's concert this week i had to ask one of them (nicely) if they wouldn't mind keeping the talking to a minimum as we couldn't hear what was being said on stage.

i think its great that the governors want to go to the concerts and support the schools, but I don't think its fair that they get the front row reserved for them! x

TabbyMumz · 13/12/2019 12:50

"But I thought it was relevant as when my child is a tree I do sit at the back as not much to see if my child was a main character I'd want to sit nearer obviously who wouldn't?"
So basically if your child is not a main character you arent that arsed where you sit, but if she is a main character you want to be near or at the front. That's quite bad. I'd want to have a good view of my child whatever part they had. Mine never had a speaking part and were always in the choir, but I wanted to see them and they wanted to see me. By doing this, you are showing you are proud of them whatever part they have.

madnessitellyou · 13/12/2019 13:04

Hilarious. Chill out OP or you’ve got a very long 7 years ahead of you.

A parent at DD’s primary school stopped talking to me because our dc were once in a a concert with a school group - the concert was external. As it happened, dd was was doing additional items with an external group at the same concert. You could pre-order two tickets for ease but any extras were on the door, and indeed unlimited because the venue was sizeable.

We were a party of 5. This other parent has misunderstood and started ranting and complaining and saying how dare I etc., I’d taken seats from her family etc. Why she couldn’t do what I’d done and asked if more were available I do not know. She proceeded to deliberately blank me. She was on the PTA and actually threw a little snack I was buying at a stall and slammed my coffee down! Bizarre.

Normandy144 · 13/12/2019 13:11

Our school is very strict and straightforward and it works well. You get 2 tickets and that's it. It's not done on a per child basis either, so say you have twins or children in different years, it is still limited to 2 tickets per family. You get to choose the day you go, so if you are separated from the other parent you can opt to go on a different day.
No one gets in the hall early you just queue up outside and file in, so the earlier you get there the more likely you are to get a front seat.
We are allowed to video and take pics but not allowed to put them on social media.

Original poster
LolaDabestest · 13/12/2019 13:22

She isn't my pfb...I've been doing this for years and other than one child singing a solo none of my others have played a part or even sang the Choros really due to sen and selective mutism so school plays have always been a bit uncomfortable for my children. My daughter is only 4 and the youngest in reception and when she started she too was the same. So yeah it was quite a big deal to me and thinking about it even more yeah those people were selfish. They'd seen their daughter once that day and took the front row...no need to sit there twice when other people hadn't seen it yet...

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaDabestest · 13/12/2019 13:24

And again it's not about me...it's all the other parents that didn't get a look in.

OP posts:
spingly · 13/12/2019 13:25

She isn't my pfb...I've been doing this for years and other than one child singing a solo none of my others have played a part or even sang the Choros really due to sen and selective mutism so school plays have always been a bit uncomfortable for my children. My daughter is only 4 and the youngest in reception and when she started she too was the same. So yeah it was quite a big deal to me and thinking about it even more yeah those people were selfish. They'd seen their daughter once that day and took the front row...no need to sit there twice when other people hadn't seen it yet...

Well you know how it works then, first there get the best seats, even if their child has a non speaking part! You said you couldn't be arsed with that shit, fine, you won't get the nest seats.

If it meant that much you would've been there early.

madnessitellyou · 13/12/2019 14:15

I sat right at the the front due to a stroke of luck and being on my own when dd2 was in the 'choir'. She'd barely slept due to nerves so to see her joining in with great gusto was a very big thing. Clearly I should have parked myself at the back due to the insignificance of her part.

MythicalBiologicalFennel · 13/12/2019 14:20

Our school only allows 2 tickets per family per performance and do not let you attend more than once.

The same extended family used to hog the front rows every time - none of them work so they had time to queue etc. Mum, dad, auntie, auntie's boyfriend, 2 sets of grandparents, toddlers. Every time. No more after the 2 ticket policy.

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