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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is selfish (nativity)

252 replies

LolaDabestest · 12/12/2019 19:19

My child's nativity today, 2 showings morning and afternoon. My daughter had a decent part with lines...not showing off they started school as a shy quiet child so massive step for her and I wanted to get her part on my phone. Anyway got there 15 minutes early I'm never one of the saddos that arrives early to hog the front row I always just slink to the back.
Bare in mind I was 15 minutes early front row was filled and ended up having to slink to the back.
I looked along the front row and there was literally about 4 parents the rest were obviously extended family bit peeved but hey they obviously got there mega early I don't got time for that shit.

I had to stand at the back zooming in to get a vid of my child which was annoying but hey ho. Anyway my aibu is I later found out that the parents at the front mum, dad, two sets of grandparents had been to both the showings (4 hours apart) and took up half the front row in both shows!! Their child didn't have a speaking part(), it's really pissed me off tbh as they should have at least let other parents have a chance at being at the front to get some decent pics etc. And the fact that it was half their family as well.

Anyway I know I sound precious but without going into things this was a massive moment for my child and it would have been nice to actually have had a decent view and come away with a nice vid of her part.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 12/12/2019 22:11

At our school the parents wanting to sit at the front would run into the hall ASAP with a flask of coffee and crossiants. You need to up your game.
I always ended up at the back stood up, but another parent and I would drag the vaulting horse out to sit on

Pilot12 · 12/12/2019 22:15

I got to my son's nursery Christmas show 40 minutes early and the front row had gone. You need to get there mega early for these things or miss out.

EmmiJay · 12/12/2019 22:17

Nah. Thats selfish behaviour. I attended both my DD's performances. The first one, Grandma came along and we were at the very back, could barely see my madam; 'Fine' I thought and said I'm going to the next one too then. Because DD is autistic her TA had seen I couldn't get a good view of her performing so she ushered me to a seat in front of her class so I could see it. Ohhh some parents looked pissed off at that. So my advice is, ask/look for a teacher who can maybe help place you so you get a good view even just for your childs performance.

Land0r · 12/12/2019 22:18

I am on the staff at a school of 70 pupils. We use a conference centre close to school for our concerts so there is plenty of seating, even if some families do bring several members. Yesterday was our Christmas performance.

Those of us supervising the morning dress rehearsal started the lunch break at 12 noon. At this point the first parent arrived. Show started at 1.30pm! I politely asked her if she knew she'd have a long wait (I thought she'd got the start time wrong) - she knew that, she just wanted a front row seat! Which she didn't even get as the front row is reserved for governors, head teacher etc etc.

She literally sat there alone for 90 minutes waiting! She got a 2nd row seat, although someone who was 10 minutes late managed exactly the same as there was a single seat spare in the 2nd row!

Isithometimeyet0987 · 12/12/2019 22:23

Not the point of the thread but your lucky you were aloud to film op I run a Performing Arts school and we’ve banned filming and we have staff who sole job during a performance is to enforce this and ensure any videos or picture they see being taken are deleted off the persons phone, we have a very strict safeguarding policy for a good reason.

Skysblue · 12/12/2019 22:29

It is rude to sit in front row at both shows yes. Really rude. What arseholes.

I got front row this yr, had to wait outside in subzero temp for 45 mins it’s ridiculous. I was lucky to have the time to do that I know.

The while thing is horribly unfair I’d be happy if the school scrapped it to be honest.

Man can’t believe they took the front row at both shows.

towers14 · 12/12/2019 22:32

Yanbu, we always had the same 2 families, parents and grandparents on the front row, massive internal eye roll every time I saw them. I actually preferred the back row where you could stand up.

DocusDiplo · 12/12/2019 22:35

Only read OP but YabVvvvvvvvvvU!

Fink · 12/12/2019 23:25

@TabbyMumz, Like I say, we don't necessarily know each other well, but I'd be able to pick out which ones were parents I'd seen before and which were visiting relatives, mostly (I'm faceblind so it's not at all obvious that I would recognise someone even if I knew them quite well) and might be able to remember a name from the WhatsApp group. Even the ones who don't do school pick ups we see at the Christmas and summer fêtes, sports days, parents evenings, volunteering on school trips, previous nativity plays etc. I'm not at all involved in things like the PTA or anything social with other school parents ... We don't ask for a high threshold of friendship before asking others to take photos of our kids in this school!

erasemybrain · 12/12/2019 23:42

Well I must be one of those saddos then. I knew my son was playing violin and I wanted to video him so I got there 30 mins early, with my toddler in tow. Waited outside, managed to sit in the front row and have a lovely video.

If it meant that much to you then you should have got there early. How do you know it wasn't that important to them? You don't know their circumstances.

Why shouldn't you be allowed to video? As long as the school has permission from parents and there are no safeguarding issues (ie child's location may be disclosed etc) then why not? There's nothing you can do about your children being filmed outside of school.

Ellisandra · 12/12/2019 23:47

You “don’t got time for this shit” Hmm - but they made time. They cared about seeing it more than you did. You lost my sympathy at “saddos”.

Elfthaygotaway · 12/12/2019 23:47

I was completely with you, parents should take priority (or two seats per child) at the front and everyone else in behind.

That was until you commented ‘their child didn’t have a speaking part’.

Uuuuh what a nasty attitude. This has nothing to do with it and I’m shocked you have belittled a small child for not having a speaking part.
Really, shame on you.

Mumtotwo82 · 13/12/2019 00:18

Selfish of them to go on the front row second time round. Their child's roll is irrelevant though.

00100001 · 13/12/2019 08:22

This must be the only primary school inthe entire UK that 1) allows filming and 2) lets you have more than 2 tickets per child 3) lets you go to multiple showings.... Confused

00100001 · 13/12/2019 08:23

@erasemybrain "Why shouldn't you be allowed to video? As long as the school has permission from parents and there are no safeguarding issues (ie child's location may be disclosed etc) then why not? There's nothing you can do about your children being filmed outside of school."

you just answered your own question.... !

Ringdonna · 13/12/2019 08:33

PFB alert

dentydown · 13/12/2019 09:20

I had a peculiar one. My dad is very disabled. The school managed to arrange a wheelchair space and a carer space. Some bloke jumped into the carer space! Wouldn’t move.

My dad joked with me I should of thanked him for his generosity, handed him his care pack (incontinence pants, heart spray, inhaler, ) talked him through what to do and buggered off to the front!

In the end the school sorted a place for me behind my dad by jigging the chairs about.

erasemybrain · 13/12/2019 09:21

@00100001 I don't think it's that common, where I live anyway that there is a looked after child who's where about a cannot be disclosed. We are always told not to post on social media anyway. Thank goodness some common sense is being used these days.

EmmiJay · 13/12/2019 09:23

@001 DD's school allow filming/pictures, plus multiple attendance so its not unheard of.

Kuponut · 13/12/2019 09:38

Sounds the same setup my youngest's school has. The idea with the two showings is that one is for family of one class and one for the families of the other class - but they don't ticket or restrict seats and usually you do get a lot of extended family coming along, which is fine and lovely... but we've had a few piss takers bringing loads along to both showings this year which annoyed me a bit.

You DO have to get there as soon as they unlock the doors to get a decent seat though - the seat dibsing in our school is nuts at times.

We're allowed to take photos and videos but asked not to share them on social media - so far it's worked well as people know we're lucky to be allowed to do so, but if the piss is taken it'll be stopped.

BlouseAndSkirt · 13/12/2019 09:57

You were there, you saw your child’s performance, were able to film it, enjoy the achievement rather than carp on bitterly about everyone else.

TabbyMumz · 13/12/2019 10:20

Fink..I just wouldnt have a clue which child belonged to which parent and which email address, so think if I was asked to take photos of the kids and send them to parents, I'd decline. Heh can easily take photos from other rows themselves. I'd never dream of asking another parent to do that for me and I'd feel a bit uncomfortable other people having photos of my child on their phone to be honest.

TabbyMumz · 13/12/2019 10:25

"This must be the only primary school inthe entire UK that 1) allows filming and 2) lets you have more than 2 tickets per child 3) lets you go to multiple showings...."

Nope...lots do if you read the thread. Our school allows filming and photographing, there are 4 tickets per child and 4 shows to go to, and you can go to all four if you want to use your tickets that way. Parents also buy or sell tickets amongst themselves, so if a parent only wants to go to one show and has 3 tickets over, another parent can buy them off them.

LolaDabestest · 13/12/2019 10:26

Not pfb precious first child to have a speaking part in 16 years....the other child I did find out had a speaking part but she didn't say it the teacher did on the second show. But I thought it was relevant as when my child is a tree I do sit at the back as not much to see if my child was a main character I'd want to sit nearer obviously who wouldn't?

Saddos as I said was meant in a jokey way and as for me not caring enough to go queue up to an hour early yes I care but I also don't want to stand in the cold with a 2 year old, and my partner has a serious condition (I'll be vague) which means he can't stand for long periods so it wasn't just about me going on my own and pitching a tent up it wasn't physically possible to get there stupidly early. As I'm sure it wasn't for many other parents it doesn't mean they don't care.

OP posts:
LolaDabestest · 13/12/2019 10:34

And the aibu is the fact they took the front row twice with 6 people early or not.

OP posts:
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