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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my dd might be immature for her age

61 replies

QueenViki · 11/12/2019 21:39

I love her just the way she is and find her endearing but I’ve been helping out at an after school club and I’ve realised she’s quite young in her ways compared to her peers. She’s just turned eight. She creates little characters out of craft materials, gives them names and makes things for them. She talks excitedly about them to her peers but they either ignore her or make it obvious they’re not interested. They seem to have outgrown this kind of thing. She also obsessively chats about her pets and again they just tell her she’s going on and getting boring. They seem to talk in a slightly more grown up. Dd is lovely with a heart of gold but I can sense she’s falling behind a little in terms of maturity and I would hate for that to result in her becoming isolated. Am I worrying about nothing? To be fair in other ways she is apparently mature as she doesn’t mess around like a lot of her peers do in class.

OP posts:

SuperSleepyBaby · 11/12/2019 21:45

Maybe there aren’t enough children on her wavelength at the after-school club? My DS will be 8 soon and would love doing those things you say your DD does. I don’t think he is immature - its just a personality thing. Some children love imaginative play and craft and others absolutely hate all that.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/12/2019 21:52

8 is such a tricky age, isn't it? Still little children but on the verge of puberty - so many changes and they seem to go back and forth from day to day, too. One day a little child, the next resembling a tween in some ways.

At 8, my daughter loved all of the same things yours does. Do you think that what you're actually concerned about is her apparent struggle to pick up on social cues when interacting with her peers?

GruciusMalfoy · 11/12/2019 21:53

She sounds a bit like my DD who is almost 8. Her imagination is fantastic, she loves making up games, crafts are her favourite pastime, she loves her pets to bits, and gets a bit obsessive over her favourite things. I like that she is still an imaginative little girl, who loves to play, and isn't concerned with being older than her years. Some of the girls in her peer group have mobile phones, and act like mini teenagers.

formerbabe · 11/12/2019 21:54

Ah bless her, she sounds quite like my dd. She's 9. She loves crafts too. She still plays school with all her dolls. She recently turned a shoebox into a bedroom for one of her dolls! She is also well behaved at school and dislikes it when the class is disruptive. Sorry that probably wasn't much help!

FoamingAtTheUterus · 11/12/2019 21:55

She sounds like my nine year old niece, she's a lovely girl and very bright. It's nice to see a kid being a kid tbh.

Original poster

QueenViki · 11/12/2019 21:58

Thank you all!!! Maybe it’s just the particular mix of girls in her class, they’re not quite on her vibe and she doesn’t seem to pick up on their lack of interest but she’s a good kid and I hope they see that too. I think she would love to be friends with your daughters!

OP posts:

loutypips · 11/12/2019 21:58

She sounds normal to me! It is a tricky age though as some children think that they have to 'grow up' especially the ones with older siblings. Also, as most children are given constant stuff to do and play on iPads etc, they never get to develop an imagination. Feel proud that your dd has a lovely imagination and has fun playing.

SexlessBoulderBelly · 11/12/2019 21:59

This doesn’t sound like a maturity issue OP, maybe more a clash of personalities. There is absolutely nothing wrong with creating characters and naming them at 8 years old. It shows she has imagination and creativity which are only good things

The other kids that tell her she’s going on and is getting boring sound like not very nice children.

Talking about her pets just goes to show she’s an animal lover, had compassion and interest.

To me she sounds like a normal 8 year old girls discovering the world, and discovering that she’ll encounter people who won’t shares her views, but that’s ok as long as she’s happy and healthy.

bananahood · 11/12/2019 21:59

8 is a funny age. I remember having a class this age and being quite struck that half would play with dolls/babies/wrestling figures/teddies while the other half wanted to watch music videos. She doesn't sound immature to me, she sounds really creative and imaginative.

WatchingTheMoon · 11/12/2019 22:00

I don't think she sounds immature. I think it sounds like you spend a lot of time encouraging her to be imaginative and creative and that is great.

I am a teacher and I see so many children who only talk about whatever shit they've watched on youtube or computer games they play. It's fine in moderation but it kills their imagination and makes them grow up too fast imo. A lot of mums also love having mini-me daughters who they can dress up and do make up and hair on and I really think it forces them into thinking more about their appearance than they need to at that age.

Your daughter sounds great. I hope she finds some similarly minded peers, there are definitely a lot of them out there. It's really 50/50 at that age, I think, but obviously sometimes they end up in classes/situations where the balance is tipped vastly in the other direction.

TheDarkPassenger · 11/12/2019 22:02

Sound alike my 8 year old boy. He adores this stuff and he’s extremely creative. I personally adore it about him, sometimes his friends don’t seem overly interested either but he doesn’t seem bothered. They’re always in awe when he shows them something amazing he has made!!

I’d rather that than him be an Xbox or iPad zombie (he does play Xbox and have an iPad lol)

Original poster

QueenViki · 11/12/2019 22:04

Thank you, you’re all so kind. I am proud of her, she is very imaginative and is always creating things to care for. She does look a little lost bless her when they’re talking about Little Mix and Fortnite!

OP posts:

littlepaddypaws · 11/12/2019 22:04

dd sounds great and i'd be proud to call her my dd. some dc come off the breast and on to ipads and phones so it's not surprising they are perhaps more 'advanced' but that's not always a good thing.
an 8 yo going on 15 would really worry me, let them enjoy their childhood, it doesn't last long.

Love51 · 11/12/2019 22:05

My own 6 year old always seems young for his age in my house, but what I see as his immature antics are the height of wit among his peers.
My 8 year old (DD) masks herself a lot with her peers. She likes certain things that she says are 'boyish' but at school she is all unicorns and glitter. She got given chocolate characters yesterday and as we walked to the car they developed personalities and storylines.

I think your daughter sounds delightful, and although there will be others in her class with different interests, I don't think being into crafts is unusual at any age (hence the rise in adult colouring, knitting is chic now, etc).

Would she suit Brownies? I don't know if they are all the same, but it helps them develop peer relationships outside of school, they do outdoor adventures in the summer, in the winter when it is dark they do badge work which is often crafty, as well as learning skills.

Mumdiva99 · 11/12/2019 22:08

My daughter has just turned 10. She got playmobil for her birthday. She has just spent her birthday money on a Barbie plane and has spent this evening making an airport out of her Barbie house and cardboard. She will still spend hours over air dry clay making things for her barbies, she plays with her soft toys, and she plays Sylvanian families. She is happy with her imagination. She has also in the last 2 years started to watch youTube and now knows some of the stuff her friends watch etc. Although her favourite is troom troom which is a craft channel! Her favourite friends to come over are ones that will join in her games. Some kids do, some don't.

Luckylassiam · 11/12/2019 22:09

Sounds exactly like my DS who has autism

BertieBotts · 11/12/2019 22:11

I was like that at her age. I struggled to fit in at school as well. It was better at secondary as I found a smaller group I fit into better.

KayakingOnDown · 11/12/2019 22:14

She doesn't sound immature at all. Totally normal for her age. My DD is similar and she is 9.

CynthiaRothrock · 11/12/2019 22:14

Is she immature or are the other children too mature?
I found with dd1 (now11) when she was that age, that a lot of her peer group were more 'grown up' than she was, and not in a good way. Wanting to watch things like love Island at the age of 8/9, refusing to play on a park because it wasn't cool or what the big kids did! We even went to (and swiftly left) a 10th birthday party where the theme was Towie (or similar) they served mocktails (fair enough) and 'virgin jelly shots'. 2 girls refused to eat the pizza because they were 'watching the calories'. Some were dressed so inappropriately that at first glance they looked at least 16 (short leather skirts/fake eyelashes etc).

When I sat back and looked I realised my dd was about right for her age range by social norms, the other children were pushed ahead by social media, older siblings and even their parents.
My dd2 (8) is the same as your daughter, loves crafts and role play, still has a baby and pram, loves to dress up. Most of her peers are the same. Some are more mature but the majority are on her wavelength.

Society is pushing children to grow up too fast these days. Crafts And dolls are fine, she will catch up too them soon enough, let her enjoy being a child.

SpiderCharlotte · 11/12/2019 22:15

She sounds lovely and very much like my DD at that age. I used to worry too as I noticed a similar thing. Then she became friends with another wee girl who was very similar and they are still great friends at 13. DD is still not like a lot of the other girls her age, she's not into make up or social media but she now has a lovely little group of friends and although they're all very different, it works for them. She'll find her way OP.

Vulpine · 11/12/2019 22:17

I'd encourage the making of little characters out of craft materials. Wallace and gromit ain't done too bad. I'd be proud of her for being different and creative rather than being like everyone else

WatchingTheMoon · 11/12/2019 22:17

"a 10th birthday party where the theme was Towie "

See this terrifies me. We currently live in Asia and sometimes I dread coming back to the UK. The kids in this country are so much more innocent than at home, they would just be clueless about anything like this.

Vulpine · 11/12/2019 22:19

If fortnite and little mix are a sign of maturity the world is screwed

MyDcAreMarvel · 11/12/2019 22:22

She sounds lovely , my dd is 8 nearly 9 and surprised me by asking for a baby doll for Christmas.

bookwormnerd · 11/12/2019 22:25

My daughter is 8 and is exactly same as your daughter. She is creative and loves her pets. She also gets brush off from peers who want to talk about you tube, little mix, boyfriends etc ... I am happy to have my little girl still asking for dolls and schleich animals. I have been told by a few mums that their children only want clothes for presents and it makes me laugh as several of those children have come over and been just as much into dolls as daughter when given a chance though they wouldn't admit to it

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