To think my dd might be immature for her age

[QueenViki]

I love her just the way she is and find her endearing but I’ve been helping out at an after school club and I’ve realised she’s quite young in her ways compared to her peers. She’s just turned eight. She creates little characters out of craft materials, gives them names and makes things for them. She talks excitedly about them to her peers but they either ignore her or make it obvious they’re not interested. They seem to have outgrown this kind of thing. She also obsessively chats about her pets and again they just tell her she’s going on and getting boring. They seem to talk in a slightly more grown up. Dd is lovely with a heart of gold but I can sense she’s falling behind a little in terms of maturity and I would hate for that to result in her becoming isolated. Am I worrying about nothing? To be fair in other ways she is apparently mature as she doesn’t mess around like a lot of her peers do in class.

I think back to some of the kids that I thought were immature at school - they turned out to be some of the happiest adults I know, probably because they were allowed to develop at their own pace.

I feel like I was in a hurry to grow up fast and I sometimes feel like my 9yr old DD isn't as streetwise as I was. What's the hurry though? Let's face it, being a 'grown up' isn't that much fun!

You DD sounds fine and lovely.

My dd is 10 and still loves making little craft things-earlier today she FaceTimed me (she is growing up in some ways!) to show me a Christmas bauble with googly eyes she’d made and named ‘vernon’

She’s asked for a something for Christmas which is aimed at 3-6 year olds but I know she will love it and play with it for a good while even if by next year (she’ll be at secondary school) she decides she’s too old for it.

She has a lovely group of friends who spend playtime making up imaginary games and plays. There are only a couple of girls in the class who I’d describe as mature (in the TOWiE / clothes and make up way) so she doesn’t seem that unusual but compared to girls from other schools of a similar age she’s miles apart.

I work in a year 4 class and there are 2 lovely little girls who sound similar to your daughter. They are 8 and making little craft people and playing with dolls is exactly what they should be doing. It is the other girls that are growing up too quickly - and I am sorry but I think parenting is too blame- encouraging or taking a 8/9 yr old to a Little Mix concert, or taking them to a spa for a mini pamper is not what an 8 yr old should be wanting but because everyone is doing it, it has become the norm. I love these 2 little girls in my class they often make me little books or draw me pictures - the other 12 girls are too busy facetiming each other and talking about who they are going to ask out at the school disco, they would never draw a picture for their TA!!!

Maybe your dd is just really creative and the others never have been, rather than they’ve got over the craft stage.
She sounds lovely

She sounds adorable, and perfectly normal.

Mumdiva I think we have the same DD! And mine's not the only Y5 girl in her school like this at all. She had a pottery painting party when she turned 10 in October and they all loved it, including the girl who had a rented hot tub for her own birthday a fortnight later!

My daughter is 10, looks 16 some days. She can hold adult Conversations about current politics and economics but still goes to bed with six core soft toys and talks to them all as if they’re humans and has wee scenarios with them all the time. Absolutely nothing wrong with that at 8, 10 or 15. Kids develop at their own rates and to be honest a child of 8 behaving like a child of 8 and not some 16 yo prima Donna is ideal. Don’t be quick to wish away their childhood in a quest for them to be like their peers. it may well be that the peers are in the wrong place not your child

@WatchingTheMoon it was horrendous. The parents thought it was hilarious. I felt like we were at an 18th!
My daughter was a bit of an outsider between the ages of 7-10, had plenty of mates but not 1 'real' friend as such, she kind of drifted from group to group, i felt sad for her at times but she was happier like that! She refused to get sucked in to any drama, she simply walked away to join another group. I eventually realised she was strong and Independant and emotionally more mature than her peers in the fact she didn't give a fuck what people though. If she wanted to craft an colour or read, then she would. If her friends didn't want to then they could entertain themselves.
She is in high school now, she has a very mixed group of friends, (they are a real little odd squad) they all have different interests and hobbies but they all have the same opinion of 'we like what we like and don't care what you think about it'! She was invited to a 12 birthday last week to the cinema. Her friend wanted to watch frozen 2. She is not into it at all, but she went along for her friend. Same as her friend doesn't like painting but will happily sit and chat with dd as she paints away. I think the balance is teaching your kids acceptance and respect of others and their choices. Also the world would be boring if we all liked the same things!

I encourage my children aged 9 and 13 to play as much as possible. That childhood magic is soon gone. My 13 year old still plays with her plush toys. Don't be in a hurry for them to grow up. Imaginative play is important.

My DD is 10 and still plays with dolls and constantly creates little worlds and talks to herself. She is also reading Animal Farm and gets the political message. Your daughter is probably a genius, like mine

There is usually quite a mix in the class though.some Yr 4 play more with Yr 3’s. I wouldn’t worry to much OP she sounds lovely with a very creative mid. Just enjoy her.

She sounds lovely. Don't make her change to be like the others.

There's space in the world for all sorts.

Like others, I have a DD who’s 9 and sounds a lot like your DD

I’m 38 and obsessively talk about my pets!

@Muyiwa no one is going to look at a random link. Stop putting it onto every thread!

Please don't worry, Queen. Your daughter sounds delightful, she is herself and doesn't have to conform. Also she will change, be more socially aware and mature, before too long.

My only child is 40. At the age of eight he was lively, chatty, confident and quite funny; I remember school reports the words, ".....needs to grow up", ".....will have to conform if he wants to do well".

Fast forward three years, ".....is a mature boy for his age".
He became very laid back and unworried about any criticism.

He never did conform and has done brilliantly.

We always worry about our children, feel hurt for them, want to guide them. It would be serious concern if she was badly behaved and did badly at school, however your daughter is just right, being her.

I agree that there is nothing wrong with things like making characters and playing with them, but if she's missing social cues about when to keep talking about something and when not to those are aspects of maturity and the lack of them could make it difficult for her, socially, over the next few years. My daughter was similar and she began to notice herself and struggled for a while with not feeling like she fit in. We got her some help from a child psychologist and she's been much happier since - she still has a tendency to runaway with herself and she still doesn't share many interests with the other girls in her class but she knows how to rein it in when it counts and she's learnt how to branch out to find kids she does get on well with.

I love hearing of children that age still wanting to be children! Too many now just want to sit on phones and do grown up stuff like someone said spa days etc... enjoy and encourage this imagination. Its healthy. As for the other girls, I feel quite sad for them.

My DD would get on really well with yours. She’s not great at the social nuances etc but I’ve spent a lot of time with a lot of kids her age and they’re all so different.

She’s perfectly fine. My dd is 10 and still does this, she has amazing imagination. She plays with Schleich horses and characters. I’d rather she didn’t ‘grow up’ fast. Childhood is such a short period of time.

I think she sounds more mature then her class mates rather than less.
When she is a teenager you will be telling her maturity is the self confidence to do your own thing in the face of disinterest or disparagement from your peers.
"Just because everyone else is doing it you don't have to"
She's got their at 8, she sounds resilient and independent and good company ☺️

Your daughter sounds adorable, OP! And her creativity is a gift that could become a lifetime hobby or a career. The other kids sound a bit cliquey, but she’s got her studies, which she takes seriously, and her artwork which fills her time and could lead to friendships with more like-minded kids.

Oh well my 15 year old must be in trouble! Her crafting has progressed to making full-on dolls out of papier mache (granted some of them are horror themed) and headpieces of the kind that drag queens would wear.

Encourage her OP. She might be a professional one day...she could work in theatre or film.