Working parents of children in prep schools

[Jadefeather7]

I assume in many cases both parents work in order to be able to afford to send kids to prep schools. I imagine many will have high pressure jobs with long hours and possibly travelling. How do you manage school drop offs and pick ups? I know there are a few childminders locally that provide drop off/pick up services for state schools but haven’t seen anything for private prep schools. Do you all have after school nannies? Thanks!

I suppose the school might be aware if there are any childminders that do pick ups. And yes you’re right the schools will have children travelling in from different places, for us it’s a 15 min drive away.

I think your first port of call has to be to ask if the 5pm meetings can be moved to 4pm? I wouldn't make a big deal of it, as a PP said don't make it a management issue just ask the person who organises the meetings. Aa flexible working requests go it's not a particularly demanding one!

Where do you live? After school nannies are predominant in London, whereas most people where I live (Home Counties) have au pairs, nanny/housekeepers or try and juggle things around. I'd say about a third of the people at my children's prep are SATP. Increasingly though I see dads at the school gate rather than just mums.

South West London but looking to eventually move to Surrey.

My DH doesn’t expect me to do it all luckily and he will certainly be seen at the school gates. The issue for him is that he usually finds out about 1-2 weeks before if he needs to be in the office for a few days. There’s no set pattern to this. There’s also his overseas travel.

As you are in London, try Koru Kids - they source students to be after school nannies

We have au pairs. Very cheap and very pleasant. Other parents use nannies and grandparents.

Jade Wraparound care meant dropping ds at 0730/0745 for breakfast. He then stayed for supper and homework (prep), and I picked him up at 1900. That meant I was at school on time, and could run four after school classes a week, and get some marking drone. It was punishing for both of us, and we were both relived when dh got a second foreign posting and we moved abroad, as I had been doing all this with dh overseas.

I only worked mornings when my kids were at prep school (well, until 2:30-3pm).

As a GP, I have more control over which sessions I work than people in other ‘high-flying’ careers though.

We’d have needed a full time nanny if I hadn’t been able to set my hours to that extent.

This thread has made me feel very sad. I'm off to cuddle the DCs.

Out in Surrey, you could also pick a school that offers flexi boarding

The prep mine went to had wrap around care from 7:30am-6:30pm.

Our prep had a broad array of after-school activities and flexi-boarding.

OP - think about what parts of the job are difficult for you to manage, think about how flexibility could mean you could do just as good a job but also allow you to sort out the kids and then think about what that would look like. Whatever you decide would work, just present that to your boss and see what he says. You could ask them to move the 5pm - 6pm meetings to lunchtime for example. No harm in asking. I ask for everything I want and my boss is really pragmatic - in return I am flexible too and I work hard and they have won my loyalty.

Sorry op, I’ve not read the full thread so apologies if it’s been mentioned, but my understanding is that your dh can usually pick up at 6pm when you have a late meeting, but he is away 3-4 times a year?

Could you not just book a temporary nanny through an agency just for those times? I expect there will only be a few days a year that you would need them, and if you get to know the agency you’ll probably have the same 2 or 3 nannies each time.

That's helpful, @3weemonkeys! How do you think the teachers at your DCs school manage?!

OP living in same region as you, situations I'm aware of: grandparent living with the parents to do pick ups and drop offs, au pairs, breakfast/after school club (7.45-6pm), extracurricular activities linked to the school (sports/music etc), use of school coaches to save on school commute time, mums working from home on a permanent basis, mums working school hours only/local jobs, full time nannies that look after younger siblings during the school day, mums helping each other out that live in the same immediate area (harder with prep schools as a wider area compared to state schools)

I imagine that for prep schools you'd have the non-working parent doing the drop off/pick up so there would be no need for nanny/childminder, unless they were that way inclined.

Generally the husband/partner is the single/main high earner in the home, tending to work long hours or away from home

This seems to be the situation from the (few) parents I know who send their children private- the mums are all SAHPs

DH and I work FT with 2 young children, using nursery and after school club. We work flat out and still would not be afford to send our children to a private school, not that we would want to, very happy with the state options around here

@Fishlegs I suppose that could be an option for when he’s away. When he’s not away though he does need to be in the office 2-3 times a month ( it’s very as hoc and decided a week or two before he’s needed). I think for the most part I would be able to just leave early then and I do have parents that are 15-20 mins away if we are really stuck. I just don’t like things being unpredictable like that. I’m also trying to figure out whether I should leave my employer. They’ve been great in every respect apart from when it comes to flexible working :(

When I was at work, an after school nanny. I could get back early and it allowed me some flexibility on leaving.

The cost was much lower than when I had pre schoolers at nursery so it felt easier to do

If it’s just a few weeks a few times a year you’ll need late cover then another parent may do it. Lots of arrangements like that as long as you reciprocate it’s very workable. Some children at dd’s school had a part time nanny, one was a mum with a baby another a retired lady. All happy to collect one well behaved child from school and drive them to activity eg gymnastics, sit in cafe and then take them home. A student may also be a good option for this.
Dd’s school had on-site care until 6. Very flexible could ring in afternoon if busy and ask to keep her.

DD went to an independent primary and then private secondary too.
DH and I both work FT but I teach, so have some flexibility re holidays, etc. DH did drop off and I did pick up, but used the after school club on site which was open until 6pm.

I'm one of less than 20 working mothers at my DDs prep school (about 200 families). And about half of us have a SAHD as a partner.

I see where you're coming from. The reason our DC is at a private school is because of the school place shortage where we live. It was making me very anxious. At least with a prep you can talk to them now about start dates, wrap around, holiday clubs etc and decide if it works for you or not.

Just noticed in your OP you said you assumed parents worked to afford the school fees. Some of us pay the fees to enable us to work (I have seen a lot of other teachers in a similar position over the years...mostly working for state schools!)

If you get a bad vibe from your employer re flexibility you absolutely should look around. Have a serious convo with DH too. You may both need to make adjustments.

Not read the full thread but if school is still some way off I'd start reeducating your colleagues to stop having meetings that finish later than 5pm. You have the whole of the rest of the day to have meetings.

I’m a single mum with a ds at independent on a scholarship. I do morning run 7.30 to the bus pickup for my ds and two other boys, then go to work. Their mum does evenings or if she can’t, I book ds in for prep at school and then pick him up after work.
It’s much easier than state primary because they have bookable prep until 6pm which cost £2 a session.