Working parents of children in prep schools

[Jadefeather7]

I assume in many cases both parents work in order to be able to afford to send kids to prep schools. I imagine many will have high pressure jobs with long hours and possibly travelling. How do you manage school drop offs and pick ups? I know there are a few childminders locally that provide drop off/pick up services for state schools but haven’t seen anything for private prep schools. Do you all have after school nannies? Thanks!

We use wrap around at the school 7.30am to 6pm as needed (about £150 a month) and on occasions where we both have to work late, we use the student son of a friend to pick up, take home and babysit till we can get there. We also swap with friends. I am using the student for care 7am to 8am next year when DH has a job in France (otherwise I'd be late for work). Neither of us have £££ careers but as we're both teachers, our jobs are inflexible.

You should probably compare state school plus nanny to private school with wraparound plus babysitter. With two close in age, nanny might well be the best option.

You may be surprised by the amount of homework in Reception. I'd love to make that a nanny's responsibility

In your position I'd be discussing the meeting times. Several of us at my school have issues with after school meetings and these now alternate between after school and lunchtime.

The problem for holiday care we found is around age 4, when they're too old for nursery but holiday clubs will often only take from age 5.

Or do them in the car on mute and bribe the kids to keep quiet when you have to talk

Some high flying jobs do offer flexibility. One DH’s colleagues leaves quite early every day to see her children but then logs on and works from her laptop in the evenings. Or wfh some days. These options won’t work in every career, though.

Full time nannies cost a bomb so it could also be an idea to look into au pairs if you’re ok with someone living with you.

And maybe both of you could see if you can get a bit of flexibility at work at all as it probably isn’t fun for a little kid to be out of the house for 12h a day.

You can find au pairs that drive, we've had several. Also there are nannies that will do after school only then full time in the hols, you have to look quite hard bit again we've had a coupe over the years.

My husband and I both work.

However, I am part time 3 days per week and although I have a very stressful job, it does afford me a degree of flexibility on my working days which makes things manageable. I will often work late into the evening once my child is in bed, if I've done pick up at 3.30.

If we are both working and cannot make pick up, then we use the after school club or a grandparent may step in and help. But this is usually only a couple of times a month. There is also a breakfast club, but we haven't had to use that yet. I believe you can take them in from 7am.

I think it works well for us as neither of us do a standard 9-5. I would imagine that if we did, it may be harder to organise.

If you use something like www.aupairworld.com/en then you can specify what you are looking for in terms of hours and ability to drive etc. University students are often happy to work part time during term time and more hours during the holidays. They can drive and do homework!

Hi OP, you don’t need a nanny to deal with three late meetings a week in three or four weeks a year = 10ish days. My thoughts are:

1. Does your DH have any control over when he is away? If so maybe put trips in school hols when you will have to make other arrangements anyway

2. You need some ad hoc help - maybe swap evenings with another family, maybe get a local babysitter or student to do it (pay for a cab if driving is an issue), maybe there’s a member of staff who lives in your area who could help, could your family or in laws help?

Essentially you’re not talking about many days so if your job is good otherwise this should be manageable

PS childcare.co.uk is your friend

OP, do you mean your husband travels 3-4 times a year for three weeks each time or for three weeks total?

XH and I did a lot of juggling when our DC were at prep school (no local family, no wraparound care, no outside help). So did most other parents. There was also quite a lot of child-swapping between parents (this was the case in the holidays, too). We all just muddled through somehow. The only time there was ever a problem was the occasional CF who was happy to use other parents as free holiday clubs, without reciprocating...

OP
Any body can be called a nanny.
They can live in or out .
The role i did when was 18 was call a mother help in one household and nanny in another.
I did the cleaning
The food shopping.
Picking up from school and droping in morning but sometimes parents did that
Playdates .
Cooked the tea .
Had 2 weeks off at Christmas.
2 week in summer off.
Prep school have longer hoilday than state school.
So would December jan hoilday at home
Easter one at home ( wither easter off for me)
2 month summer was me a sports club for when i was off .
And when they went away i did deep deep deep. Clean.
I did live in . In a nice part of london so i was happy.

As a so parent I was and am a FT worker and payer of fees . Used an after school nanny .

I used to work in a private primary school. Lots of mums (no dads that I’m aware of) who worked part time at their own business or didn’t work at all, a few nannies and then lots of parents who used breakfast club and after school club. Wrap around care started at 7:30am and finished at 6pm, so there were a few students who had all 3 meals at school. I imagine it varies from school to school and place to place though.

Defiantly speak to work about the meetings starting at 5pm. If a member of my team raised this concern I would immediately make the meeting earlier.

While it is inevitable that some meetings will run late, it isn’t normal to routinely schedule meetings to start at 5pm. 4pm start would be much more reasonable and not a big ask.

I went to prep school.

The school day started as early as 7.30am and finished as late as 8pm for children whose parents worked long hours. If you came in early, you could have breakfast at school (with the boarders) and do homework or music practise until registration at 8.30am.

After school (which finished at 3.30am) there were optional activities until 5.30pm, then the school buses left, or you could stay later and have tea/use the facilities (gym, music rooms) and do homework until 8pm.

There was also the option for day students to board occasionally if they needed to.

DH is away anywhere from 10-16 weeks a year.

The 5-6pm meetings are the main issue I guess but in addition to that there’s a culture of presenteeism. A lot of colleagues will moan if someone leaves their desk at 5pm. It’s something that’s used in team meetings as an example of people not working hard or caring about their job. In some ways I feel like I don’t care because I’m not massively interested in progression now but I also do find that sort of thing stressful. Just because I work from home or leave early and make up the hours in the evening it doesn’t mean I’m not hard working or that I don’t care about my job. I think I’m just in the wrong place and probably need to find an environment where there are working parents and some understanding of how flexibility can work.

School breakfast and after school club, plus lots of after school activity clubs - all on school and free.

Breakfast and standard after school standard club are paid for but cheaper than any other type of childcare.

Childminder - had the same one for 7 years, she is amazing.

I think you are right, OP. It's not particularly inclusive of them to start meetings so late (or indeed, really early) and shows poor working practices. You may be flogging a dead horse in trying to achieve any changes though and may be best just to try and find another job.

I spent about 15 years trying to find my ideal role in the legal profession though - hope it doesn't take you that long!

I only work part time, so I’ll be doing all the pick ups/drop offs. My husband works long hours as a solicitor.

Older au pair who can drive is a potential solution. My sil has one who also helps in the super long school holidays and when the kids are sick

Sounds like you need a new job! I work in a big 4, six figures. I do what I like within reason including working from home. As others have said I am able to block time in my diary. So long as you have an emergency option in case something that crops up that is totally unavoidable you will be fine.
I'm not sure this necessarily a prep school vs state school issue - wrap around care seems to be fairly universally 7.30- 6 whether private or state round here. For most people that means you can't be in before 8.30 and have to leave at 5. That's tough if you do it on your own. So when dh is around you have to share the load so you can do equal extra hours if needed.

At our prep it’s a mix:

• sahm
• after school nannies
• full time nannies (sometimes because there is a pre school sibling as well, sometimes not)
• au pairs
• grandparents (this is not common)
• pre and after school clubs - but only runs to 5.30

Holidays are trickier. Many holiday clubs only run in state school holidays which are shorter. So grandparents often help there and people use their annual leave strategically. Or ad hoc nanny cover.

Re the journey to school: remember they can get a lot further without a car once they are 6 ish and can ride a bike (on the pavement). I know several fairly far flung DC who bike to school with au pair on a scooter or similar.

@whensmynexthol1day I really do need to look into big 4 roles! I’ve been approached a few times in the past but my boss was ex Big 4 and was always negative about it so I didn’t really consider it. I also got the impression that they would frequently send people away for months to other cities for client projects which obviously wouldn’t work.

The reason I ask about prep schools is because I’ve seen a lot of local childminders advertising drop offs and pick ups for local state schools so that seems to be an option which isn’t really available for prep schools.

I think it’s a simple case of economics. People at prep schools are less likely to use a childminder perhaps and also likely to come from a wider area than a state school so it’s not worth them structuring themselves to offer pick ups as they would be unlikely to get enough children in one area to make it worthwhile. Doesn’t mean they won’t do it if you ask.

But think you have a different issue to solve.