Working parents of children in prep schools

[Jadefeather7]

I assume in many cases both parents work in order to be able to afford to send kids to prep schools. I imagine many will have high pressure jobs with long hours and possibly travelling. How do you manage school drop offs and pick ups? I know there are a few childminders locally that provide drop off/pick up services for state schools but haven’t seen anything for private prep schools. Do you all have after school nannies? Thanks!

For those who have workplace flexibility I’m curious as to whether you are in a main earner type role earning six figures or whether you have DH with extremely high earnings and you are earning much less. I know I could probably get a more flexible role if I took a pay cut.
The reason I’m asking is I just don’t have a good feel for whether it’s realistic to have flexibility in high flying careers?

It's worth thinking too about what you would do in the holidays - of which there will be about 15/16 weeks at a prep. A nanny may be the most cost effective over the year.

Yes that’s a good point about holidays.just struggling to see how a nanny would be happy doing part time hours (I’m sure there must be some) and a full time nanny wouldn’t be affordable or useful as the DC are a year apart so both will be in school around the same time

@Jadefeather7 what kind of work do you do? I work in professional services at a Big 4 and they are huge on flexible working (wfh, part time, flexing hours)! It's actually really encouraged, across all grades and including for those who don't have children.

Nanny here

At my children's prep there aren't many children who have both parents working full time. Most have one parent who is either a SAHP or who works part time. Not many nannies/au pairs at all. I work part time and on the days I work I drop off at 7:30 (before school care is free) and pick up at 6pm (costs £8 and includes a club and their 'tea'- schools vary wildly on this though so factor this cost in). Agree with the previous poster who mentioned the holidays, most preps have 17 weeks so an 'extra' 4 weeks to cover to state schools. I'm a state school teacher so can't get time off and it's a real issue as there are no holiday clubs running during those 'extra' weeks.

In my school it’s a mixture of 1 high earner with a SAHP who may or may not also have a nanny.
Or else nanny or occasionally an au pair. We have no before/after school childcare provision and most of the clubs finish at 5pm at the latest.
There aren’t really any alternatives.

@Tapada I actually work in consulting (smaller firm that competes with the Big Four). I have a friend in my field who works for PWC and they are really flexible but she isn’t client facing so that might be why? Maybe I do need to look at larger companies like the Big Four.

Up to now we’ve alternated our schedules so I do morning run to childminder, and DH collects in the evening.

From next year we will flip it and I will do pick up from and he will do mornings.

Eventually both kids will be old enough to go to school wraparound care (07:30 to 7pm is available), so making life much easier.

Full time nanny here too. Yes I have flexibility in my job too, as does DH, but we need cover for holidays, sickness, etc plus value the extra hours help on nursery duties and admin. We both earn six figures though so it’s affordable.

And our prep school doesn’t offer wrap around care. Though there are lots of after school activities!

Those that have nannies, are they full time and if so what do they do during the daytime?

It seems like a lot of families rely on having 1 parent with extremely high earnings. We may be in that position in a few years. I think DH needs to discuss his earning potential over the coming years so I can figure out what I need to do. For now I’m happy carrying on where I am. I’m ok to go one more step up the career ladder but not interesting in the top job. I can either stay where I am or take an in house role with better hours which would involve a pay cut.

One of you starts work VERY early and the other leaves work late. And you encourage your child to participate in every choir, orchestra, ballet and lacrosse team the school have. It was occasionally fraught, but it worked. And the choir, orchestra, and ballet brought excellent scholarship opportunities for secondary school, and indeed for university.

@Jadefeather7 certainly my experience is that it's flexible for both in-house and client facing roles, so worth exploring. Benefit of Big Four is that they have enough bods to make flexible working feasible and really accepted

An au-pair. Usually you hire on yearly basis, they live with you and work max 25hrs per week. You can specify you need a driver. They would do roughly 7.30-9am, then 4pm-7pm daily in your scenario.
Many would be happy to work some full longer days in the school holidays for extra pay, and you can combine with holiday clubs schools often put on by schools and yours and dh holiday to cover the rest.

When I was at university I worked as an au pair for a family who had three kids at prep school. I picked them up from school, did their homework with them, made their tea and got them ready for bed. Got paid cash in hand every week. Not a huge amount but I was a student and enjoyed the work. At their school sports day they had a ‘nanny race’ which I thought was very telling!

Mine were at primary school but we had both of us working and they went to a childminder or a nanny after school. We did find a nanny that was happy to do after school and some holidays only. My in laws always had them one day a week before and after school. And I only worked a maximum of four days a week when DDs were small, so we only needed care for three days a week. Holidays were a mixture of us covering with our leave, paying for them to do activities or paying for the childminder or nanny to have them.

I think you’d be surprised what concessions are made if you go in hard and don’t beg. Our head of compliance blocks her diary between 5-8pm as she’s aN adoptive single parent. Literally zero pushback. With increasing pressure on firms to meet gender diversity targets, ask away. Assuming there’s no reason these 5pm meetings couldn’t be 4pm meetings then I’d push for the change. What’s the worst they can say?

Both DP and I are high earning (6) salaries and DD is not DP's daughter. I have a rigid schedule built around clinics and on call.
DP approached work and said I need to get away on certain evenings to collect my DSD. His PA now puts a block in his calendar on those days and this ensures no video conference with US are scheduled on those days. We were both surprised as his is a typically young male dominated testosterone fuelled industry, but his bosses were really open to this.
I do think his reputation was important, but they realise that large parts of his job are not family friendly so the bits they can make family friendly they were open to doing this.

My sister's kids go to prep school. They couldn't afford a nanny on top and I don't think any of their friends have them either. The day is longer than state schools - they leave at 8 on the school bus and get back at 530. It is probably on the cheaper end of private schools which might make a difference to the amount of nannies!

And in the morning the school had a cheap breakfast club so they went to that some days.

For those who have workplace flexibility I’m curious as to whether you are in a main earner type role earning six figures or whether you have DH with extremely high earnings and you are earning much less. I know I could probably get a more flexible role if I took a pay cut.
The reason I’m asking is I just don’t have a good feel for whether it’s realistic to have flexibility in high flying careers?

Neither. Dh and I earn about the same each. Dh as I said is a teacher on just under £30k. He works approx 40 miles away from home/school so was never available for pick up/drop off. I worked part time in an office 9-4 but I also worked Saturdays self employed running a children's activity.

The au pair idea is an interesting one. Do you have au pairs from abroad or the U.K? Just thinking about driving and helping out with homework etc.

My DH’s team is very progressive, flexible and family friendly. Apart from the quarterly trips abroad he doesn’t really have many constraints so we are lucky with that. I guess there must be lots of other companies out there like that. I just don’t get the same vibe from my boss. I asked him for his thoughts on flexible working a few years back and he said the junior staff need middle management around to be able to ask questions, if we are remote the quality of our work will suffer. I asked him about it again recently as I’m looking to go back after mat leave and he seemed to be saying his hands are tied because of the company (I don’t really see why as he decides what happens day to day and they aren’t checking if we are in the office or what hours we choose to work).

We shared things between us, so DH has come in late or has said "Sorry I have to leave at 4.30pm/5pm" in meetings and so on, same as I have had to. Loads of men WFH on Fridays in my industry as well.

If the 5pm calls are the only real issue then push for them to be changed- seriously. Don’t even ask your boss. Just ask the person who arranges then to make them 4pm going forward. It’s crazy to quit without even asking.