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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To display Christmas cards from relatives who have died

112 replies

pipnchops · 11/12/2019 08:24

I have 3 Christmas cards I always put up every year from people who have died. My mum saw them the other day and thinks it's strange. How this came about is every year I get out the pervious years Christmas cards and go through them to make a list of who to send cards to this year. Then I recycle the cards but I can never bring myself to throw away the card if that person has died so I display it and it reminds me of them over the Christmas period.
Is this strange?

OP posts:
OneDay10 · 11/12/2019 10:21

yanbu, its your home and your sense of comfort. Who is she to make you feel bad about that. You are remembering their kindness and it makes you happy. It's not weird.

BillieEilish · 11/12/2019 10:28

My Great Grandma always did this.

SistersOfPercy · 11/12/2019 10:29

My Dad gave my Mum this card in the early 1950's. It was a standing joke that he never gave her another Christmas card again. Every year Mum brought it out and continued to do so after he died. When Mum died 2 years ago I carefully put the card in with my Christmas things and it will long continue to come out every Christmas. It makes me smile and it reminds me of my wonderful parents.

To display Christmas cards from relatives who have died
SilentTights · 11/12/2019 10:30

I stash away cards from loved ones for this reason - when they are no longer with me I will still have Christmas and birthday cards to remind me of them.

I wish I had some from all the people aready gone, tbh.

Member984815 · 11/12/2019 10:35

I have a bunch of cards in my attic , a few years ago I went up and burned so many I kept the ones from deceased family members , it's just to see the writing an messages they wrote to me .

SeeWhoRustsFirst · 11/12/2019 10:35

what a nice idea, I always save cards like that but the thought never occurred to re-display them!

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 11/12/2019 10:36

Not U at all OP

My DD died in May and my Mum intends to put up last years card from my Dad . Today would have been their anniversary so she put up last years .
You do what makes you feel better .

SeeWhoRustsFirst · 11/12/2019 10:37

SistersOfPercy I love it! That's so special

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 11/12/2019 10:37

That;s lovely @SistersOfPercy

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 11/12/2019 10:41

Absolutely beautiful SistersofPercy.

lowlandLucky · 11/12/2019 10:42

The last card from my Nana goes up every year, she died in 1981 and i still miss her

Sexnotgender · 11/12/2019 10:44

It matters not a jot what anyone thinks about it other than you OP.

We shall be having a very sad Christmas after DH lost his mum very suddenly 2 months ago and if he wanted to put last year’s Christmas card up from her then who am I to stop him.

To absent friends Wine

TheTinselrati · 11/12/2019 10:45

That's lovely OP.

We don't get many Christmas cards. I have kept favs from previous years that I put out at Christmas. Not because I want to look like we get lots, but because they are especially lovely, or have a special meaning/connection/message.

MrsPear · 11/12/2019 10:45

I have two cards in frames - people have noticed them as pictures as they are pretty. What they don’t know is that the messages inside are from grandparents - my mums parents are dead now and my dads mother is lost to vesicular dementia.

echt · 11/12/2019 10:46

echt it’s really difficult, isn’t it. I’ve kept so much stuff in my DH’s handwriting and I can’t get rid of them, but it also hurts to read them

Thank you T0tallyFuckedUpFamily, for so getting this.

Thanks for your loss.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 11/12/2019 10:49

@Mummylin I do the same as you and feel exactly the same seeing "My Daughter" on those cards.

SlayBellsRing · 11/12/2019 10:50

I too have one from my mum their is something special about her writing.

I have so many memories linked to her Christmas sometimes hurts.

SistersOfPercy · 11/12/2019 10:50

I will add despite the joke he did buy cards, but Mum always favoured this one so eventually they did what a lot of couples do and stopped buying them at all.

I'd not considered framing cards, but I have a couple of special ones that would be nice framed so thats an idea actually.

To absent friends indeed. Christmas is a hard time for many of us that have lost loved ones. We seek comfort where we can.

Flowers
Rumnraisin · 11/12/2019 10:52

“Strange” is such an odd word to use in itself, quite cruel and definitely judgemental in this context. Like others have said, this is such a lovely and respectful thing to do to acknowledge passed loved ones at Christmas.

Tinaarena · 11/12/2019 10:53

I always do this, nobody in my family has ever commented on it being weird. its comforting to see the handwriting to be honest and know they are still around me in a weird way.

EagleVisionSquirrelWork · 11/12/2019 11:09

Off the point, I know, but...do you only send cards to people who sent you one last year?

Dubbadubbadumdum · 11/12/2019 11:09

Nothing strange about it OP, you carry on putting your cards up, and tell your mother not to be nosing to see who sent them!!

I didn't get any cards in the post last year, so I hung the ones I had kept from the year previous and I'll be doing the same again this year!

DorothyParkersCat · 11/12/2019 11:11

Not unreasonable at all.

I have an elderly relative who does this. She started in her late 80s when she said that the number of Christmas cards she got dwindled each year because more of her friends and relatives had died. Sad

If you live into your late 80s/90s, for many people they are one of the last survivors of their generation or group of friends. It's very sad. Sad. Keeping Christmas cards of those that have gone avoids the bleakness of just one or two cards when before there were many more.

MsMellivora · 11/12/2019 12:01

I think it’s lovely.

MIL still puts out a birthday card to each of her parents on their respective birthdays and they have been dead for thirty years. It’s her own way to remember them.

MsMellivora · 11/12/2019 12:04

SistersofPercy

Thank you for sharing, that’s so beautiful. I’m ill in bed currently and having a real moment over such a touching story.