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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To display Christmas cards from relatives who have died

112 replies

pipnchops · 11/12/2019 08:24

I have 3 Christmas cards I always put up every year from people who have died. My mum saw them the other day and thinks it's strange. How this came about is every year I get out the pervious years Christmas cards and go through them to make a list of who to send cards to this year. Then I recycle the cards but I can never bring myself to throw away the card if that person has died so I display it and it reminds me of them over the Christmas period.
Is this strange?

OP posts:

IdblowJonSnow · 11/12/2019 09:03

Not strange and no one elses business.

missmeg3leg · 11/12/2019 09:03

Agree with FlamingGoat, its seeing the handwriting that gives me comfort, I lost my mum suddenly days before Christmas 4 yrs ago & I’ve put up her last Christmas card since

Dahlietta · 11/12/2019 09:04

It's not usual, but I think it's a lovely idea. It doesn't hurt anybody and it brings you comfort - no problem here.

WellTidy · 11/12/2019 09:05

This is the only reason why I keep last year's cards. So I don't think it is at all strange.

A friend of my mum's keeps all hand made Christmas cards each year and displays those, not the ones that she has received that year. She won't have cards up that she doesn't like the image on!

ChrisPriss · 11/12/2019 09:06

I think it's a lovely idea x

bellinisurge · 11/12/2019 09:06

If it works for you, fine. It breaks my heart to see an old card from my late parents.

Walkingthedog46 · 11/12/2019 09:09

I have a few I kept from before my husband died. I, too, put one up at Christmas.

AJPTaylor · 11/12/2019 09:10

I do! I have a Christmas card from my great nan who was born in 1890 and died in 1988!

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 11/12/2019 09:10

They might start to get a bit dog eared and grubby after a time. How about turning them into a lovely art or memory keepsake? There are some beautiful ideas online and you could bring it out every Christmas as part of the decorations. You could cut the front into a disc/star and do the same with the bit with writing attach them together coat with some sort of varnish and hang them from the tree. There are loads of ideas and that way they can still be part of your lovely tradition.

SeaViewBliss · 11/12/2019 09:11

I have 2 precious Christmas cards in my Christmas decorations box. One from my Nan and Grandad sent the last Christmas before my Nan died (in my Nan's handwriting) and one the following year from my Grandad who passed away in the summer after that.

I don't put them up as I am slightly paranoid about them getting swept up with the current ones and being recycled but I may think about putting them up somewhere else, maybe in my bedroom.

It gives me enormous comfort and I spend the rest of the day reminiscing about all my happy memories with them when we unpack the decorations. My Grandad died over 25 years ago so it doesn't really make me sad anymore. Maybe poignant.

Wehttam · 11/12/2019 09:11

Fabulous idea! That’s why I’m always hesitant to throw away the naff cards in case it’s the last one they send 😂

itstrue · 11/12/2019 09:12

Great idea!

Wehttam · 11/12/2019 09:12

The very special sentimental ones could be framed and brought out as part of the decs?

Bearspears · 11/12/2019 09:14

I do this and I love seeing their handwriting.

Butchyrestingface · 11/12/2019 09:14

Unusual certainly, but absolutely harmless and no-one else’s business. You do you. 🙂

The people who photoshop images of their dead relatives into current celebrations though, are taking it a bit far, imo...

ChristmasCroissant · 11/12/2019 09:15

I have kept the last cards sent to us by anyone who has died but I've never thought to put them on display.

I appreciate that people will feel differently about displaying them, as some will find it comforting and some will find it upsetting but I do think it's a nice idea.

Maybe this is the year that I'll let my DD handle the Christmas decorations (large, musical china figures) that my mum bought for us all. They reduce at least me and one of my step-siblings to tears every year when we see them! The Maroon 5 song is a killer for me at the best of times but Christmas will be especially poignant (toast to the ones here today, toast to the ones that we lost on the way).

starfishmummy · 11/12/2019 09:15

My mil law always keeps cards that she likes from year to year. This includes ones my Dad sent her (by a cartoonist she likes). However the first christmas - only 6 weeks - after he died, I was rather shocked to see that in one corner if the room there was what seemed like a shrine with about 6 of his cards all displayed together. Tbh I was rather upset by this but kept it to myself, although being mil she had to draw my attention to it and wasnt satisfied with my non comittal response and wanted to know if I liked it!!

Obviously Dad and the in laws saw each other - and were friendly - when we hosted family events but they werent friends otherwise.

rhubarbcrumbles · 11/12/2019 09:18

It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, if it is something you want to do then crack on and do it.

RedRec · 11/12/2019 09:19

This is just lovely and has made me well up as I lost a very special person just before Christmas last year. Have never thrown away her old cards anyway, so will do the same as you, OP, this year.

LolaSmiles · 11/12/2019 09:21

It's a bit weird but if it brings you peace and happiness (rather than wallowing in grief) then that's a lovely personal tradition.

Memoriesmemories · 11/12/2019 09:23

I do it too, it's very comforting

BustedDreams · 11/12/2019 09:28

I do exactly the same with close family who have passed. We get their last Birthday cards out too. When it’s their birthday we light a candle. They are still family, still in our hearts and we think about them every day.

Apolloanddaphne · 11/12/2019 09:31

There is nothing wrong with that at all. It os a lovely was to remember those you have loved and lost.

My DF died in the summer. When my DH was cleaning out his cupboard she found a birthday card written to her which she opened on her birthday later in the year. She has no idea if he had left it for her to find or if it had been there for years but she was so moved to find it. I know she plans to display it on every future birthday she has.

JE17 · 11/12/2019 09:34

I also do this, I love to see the handwriting and think about the people they remind me off.

Mummylin · 11/12/2019 09:34

I do this with a card I received from my mum, I also do it on my birthday, it's so lovely having a card that says " to my daughter "

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