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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To display Christmas cards from relatives who have died

112 replies

pipnchops · 11/12/2019 08:24

I have 3 Christmas cards I always put up every year from people who have died. My mum saw them the other day and thinks it's strange. How this came about is every year I get out the pervious years Christmas cards and go through them to make a list of who to send cards to this year. Then I recycle the cards but I can never bring myself to throw away the card if that person has died so I display it and it reminds me of them over the Christmas period.
Is this strange?

OP posts:
Stayingstrong24 · 11/12/2019 09:35

If it brings you comfort then it's absolutely fine.

I always think if it's not hurting anyone else, then just do what ever helps you personally.

I think it's a lovely idea, and totally understand how it helps you.
I think for me personally it would upset me to see them knowing that they are not here to see this Christmas, but everyone is different.
We all have our own coping mechanisms that work for us, and yours is absolutely fine. Not weird at all.

Yellowbutterfly1 · 11/12/2019 09:35

I think it’s a lovely thing to do. It’s not weird or odd but a lovely way to remember our loved ones.

Disfordarkchocolate · 11/12/2019 09:38

I keep lots of old cards but I don't display them. When I came across the last birthday card my Mam wrote (she can't write now) I was so sad. Now I think about it and I'm really glad I have it.

echt · 11/12/2019 09:39

I cut up the nicest Christmas cards to make bookmarks. When I turn them over I can see a bit of the person's writing and it makes me think of them.

I'm one of the (apparently) weird people who hold on to it all; my late DH's post-it notes, our last birthday/Valentine's cards. It pierces me to see his handwriting.

Kalim8 · 11/12/2019 09:47

I do that too op!
(I also hang on to random things such as a now fairly threadbare towel my dad gave me, because it was given when my mum was still alive and she would have used it)

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 11/12/2019 09:49

echt it’s really difficult, isn’t it. I’ve kept so much stuff in my DH’s handwriting and I can’t get rid of them, but it also hurts to read them. I’m so sorry for your loss. Time doesn’t pass the same, when it comes to missing someone. Flowers

stickerqueen · 11/12/2019 09:50

I also put up cards from those who have passed away I have 5.
I got 3 family members and 2 dear friends. They are always the first cards to go up each year.

Drum2018 · 11/12/2019 09:52

I don't keep cards after Christmas. After mum died I found a recipe she'd written and a couple of other pieces of her writing which I have kept. I don't have anything with dads writing afaik. I also have a recipe from my aunt which I kept even though dd now has all our recipes written into a book. Your idea is lovely. It's your house, you can put the cards up and not worry or care what others think.

thecalmorchid · 11/12/2019 09:53

I do this, it's important to remember the special people in your life that can no longer be here.

Don't stop.

Bibidy · 11/12/2019 09:57

I think that's really lovely and wish I had saved some cards from the relatives I've lost, especially my grandparents.

LightTripper · 11/12/2019 09:57

I think it's a lovely little "personal tradition" - and does nobody any harm! YADNBU.

IamAporcupine · 11/12/2019 10:01

I think this is lovely and made well up

Beautiful3 · 11/12/2019 10:01

I wish I had kept many of my old christmas cards, as I'd love that.

TroysMammy · 11/12/2019 10:01

Many Christmases ago for some unknown reason I kept Christmas cards from an Auntie and Uncle. Sadly they both died the following year. The cards are in my keepsake box which I occasionally look through. I wouldn't display them but that is mainly because I don't like displaying Christmas cards from the living either.

Dandelion1993 · 11/12/2019 10:02

I think it's weird and shows that you haven't moved on or dealt with the grief.

Disfordarkchocolate · 11/12/2019 10:05

Why do we have to 'move on' or 'deal' with grief. When my parents die I will live with my grief, reminders of happy times will be part of that.

LittleLongDog · 11/12/2019 10:07

I do this!

It makes me feel sad but comforted.

Queenoftheashes · 11/12/2019 10:10

I think it’s a really nice thing to do; I wish I had similar

MinTheMinx · 11/12/2019 10:13

The only route to happiness is to not give a stuff what other people think. If doing this brings you happiness how can it be wrong?

Gwilt160981 · 11/12/2019 10:14

If it brings you comfort then do it. I do. I got one from 6years ago from my parents, they've both passed away. The card still gets put up. I struggle emotionally with Xmas but have to keep it to myself as I don't want to bring other people down, it's not fair on others.

Blueopal15 · 11/12/2019 10:16

This a lovely idea and one I wish I’d thought of myself

Spikeyball · 11/12/2019 10:16

If it brings you comfort then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Slightly different but every year I make and display a birthday card for my son who was stillborn many years ago. That and having a cake for him have become our tradition.

Panpastels · 11/12/2019 10:18

That's a nice idea actually.

bingoitsadingo · 11/12/2019 10:18

I think it's a lovely idea.

I don't get many Christmas cards, so last year I kept the ones I did receive and have put them back up this year. Some people might think that's a bit sad, but it made me feel happy and festive putting them up, and it's my house!

I wouldn't expect anyone visiting to go nosing through my christmas cards, so I wouldn't think anyone else would notice anyway

TheFaerieQueene · 11/12/2019 10:21

Whilst I wouldn’t put them out I still have a lot of cards from my DF who died this year. It is nice to still have them and I won’t ever part with them. X