Page 17 | To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

malificent7 · 2019-12-09T16:13:01+00:00

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

Bansku19 · 12/12/2019 11:22

I and dh have same education. We met at the university. He made it to his dream career and is successful. I didn't. I have had jobs but no career as such. He had the drive to get where he wanted. I was more relaxed and any old job was fine. I didn't have a goal like he did.

MeganBacon · 12/12/2019 11:50

It should not be considered a good outcome to live off your dh’s Salary. That damages your employment prospects, self esteem, ability to have your voice heard, the respect other people give you. You can tell yourself it should not be that way as much as you like but it is that way and always will be, so don’t fight battles you can’t win would be my advice.

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/12/2019 12:20

My employment prospects are completely rubbish.
And I get those pitying looks so often when people ask me what I do that I stopped going to functions with Dp.

It is as though if I said I worked for a certain company (even though it was a pitiful salary and the job was so boring I would sit and cry with boredom staring at my cubicle walls each day) that would make me a worthwhile person to speak to.
But say you don’t go out to work and aren’t a salaried employee and you are dismissed as someone who isn’t worth talking to.

Yet I probably have a lot more interesting time and earn more than some of the people who turn their back and walk away

90schic · 12/12/2019 12:29

I’m a SAHM, I left a well paying job to be one. DP makes good money. I don’t have to work, so I chose not to. I Would say I am extremely lucky getting to stay home with my little baby all day and watch him grow! My mum had to go back to work when my twin sister and I were 3 months old... it broke her heart. Most of my mum friends had to go back to work too and were also heartbroken. However, I know some women who went skipping back to work and hating being at home (even just for maternity leave!) we are all so different.

Saying that i couldn’t be a housewife I would die of boredom if I didn’t have DS to look after! Each to their own.

breastfeeding · 12/12/2019 12:31

We can’t afford for me TO work ! Childcare would be more than I’d earn it wouldnt be worth it (yes we worked it out) So I’m a SAHM for the foreseeable

Percivalthebabyspider · 12/12/2019 12:35

I'd love to go back in to work but being a full time carer to my disabled DC makes that impossible.

ToffeePennie · 12/12/2019 12:35

I wish we could afford for me to work outside the home. However, the cost of childcare is ridiculous and prohibitive, with my teachers wage I would have been making £200 less each month than I would have earned. So I was forced to stop working as otherwise we would have been charged for the privilege.
I now run two businesses from the home, I work my butt off and I don’t make much money at all. It’s crap.

gingergittable · 12/12/2019 13:01

@MeganBacon

It should not be considered a good outcome to live off your dh’s Salary. That damages your employment prospects, self esteem, ability to have your voice heard, the respect other people give you. You can tell yourself it should not be that way as much as you like but it is that way and always will be, so don’t fight battles you can’t win would be my advice.

Wow. Nice. I 'live off my dh's salary' and luckily where I live I get the utmost respect for staying at home and raising my dc. As do the stay at home Dad's where I live too.

I also have fine self esteem thank you. I grow most of what we eat, we are fairly self sufficient.

My voice is also heard plenty too.

Maybe the problem is Britain and the people in it?

crispysausagerolls · 12/12/2019 13:04

@gingergittable

Quite!!! What a load of insulting bollocks. I am very happy at home with my baby and being a housewife. It’s very sad if your self-worth is tied into how much money you make.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 12/12/2019 13:04

I am full time carer for my son that has additional needs. I'm also now home educating as the education system round here is so crappy and been left with no choice. I couldn't work and live on hubby's wage and disability benefits etc now.
Be easier to work

BAISum6367 · 12/12/2019 13:07

Me too but then I would be bored. I enjoy the challenges that work brings and the disposable income.

gingergittable · 12/12/2019 13:17

@crispysausagerolls seriously!

When I did live in the UK I was a fairly high earner. I'd reached a point in my career where I was extremely respected and would get pretty much any job in my field that I applied for.

I feel a million times more fulfilled and happy now.

Being a stay at home parent/ homemaker isn't for everyone but I love it, and many women and men here do too. Here it's seen as cool to make your own clothes, build your own house and raise your own food etc rather than what car you have or how many holidays you have.

DonutMan · 13/12/2019 03:33

Why is it that largely it is the men who seem to have these well paid jobs and high flying careers and it’s the women who say they only earn minimum wage anyway in low paid uninteresting professions when a decision is made that she stays at home because it “makes sense”. How did things arrive at that point?

I speculate that a contributing factor may be that men's peak earning power is stastically during their 40s, which coincides with the time that many women (often being a few years younger than their partner) are raising children.

Why do women choose to be the SAHP in the first place? That I'm not sure of and is probably best answered by the women on here that made that choice, but my observation is that all of the numerous professional women I've worked with embraced motherhood and cherished the time spent with their children. Of course, this is only the impression I've perceived as an outsider, but I was friends with many of them and their partners outside of work and honestly believe that they really did enjoy it. Many also seemed to have a change of priority after having kids and seemed happy not to pursue their careers as aggressively (most of these colleagues had husbands with decent jobs).

DonutMan · 13/12/2019 03:45

I'm also a bit cynical about the 'dream job' bit. A high earning job may be 'ideal' in that it facilitates a certain lifestyle (typically for the family and not just the individual man, who may sometimes actually get less opportunity to appreciate his wealth than the members of his family who aren't working 80 hours a week - of course there are many differing situations out there).

A dream job for me is being a famous dj, or making a hobby into a successful career, not crunching numbers as an financial advisor or investment banker - others may disagree of course.

I think for me a critical distinction to make is that most couples are a team, not two people in competition, and they both benefit from the prowess of the high earner, whichever of them that may be.

But I certainly don't think that scrambling one's way to the top of the rat race is much more than a means to an end for many. There are undoubtedly individuals who crave power and status, but most people wouldn't do it if the money wasn't any better than a middle management job IMO.

DonutMan · 13/12/2019 03:45

Sorry, wall of text... 😳

xJodiex · 13/12/2019 04:57

It's fine if you're healthy and have money, otherwise it gets very boring and very very lonely after a time.

Mrsmummy90 · 15/12/2019 00:32

@DonutMan my dh is 9 years older and in a well paid job and as I had never pursued a proper career (staid in low paying bar jobs for years as it was a laugh and didn't stop to consider my future 🙄) and I'd always wanted a family, it made sense that I be a sahm.
I love it but it is very difficult having two children so close in age.

When they're both of school age, I plan to retrain for a proper career with a good wage.

DonutMan · 15/12/2019 01:42

I hope it works out for you, Mrsmummy90.

Shesalittlemadam · 15/12/2019 02:57

I can't work due to very bad health and I flipping hate it! I'm so lonely and bored.

ReturnofSaturn · 15/12/2019 05:25

A previous poster said it would damage your self esteem to live off your DH's salary...

It would be the opposite for me. What really would damage my self esteem would be putting my son in childcare to have someone else rear him. I would feel rotten!!

FudgeBrownie2019 · 15/12/2019 05:30

DH out earns my vastly. Probably always will. I work anyway, partly because I love it, partly because it feels right for us and partly because I know I could buy him out of any situation if anything ever changed.

Several friends of ours have split over the years and the number on struggle I've seen is the change in circumstances once money is the issue. Our lifestyle would change if DH and I split, but I could afford the house, the car, the day to day life we live on my salary. I wouldn't have to move the DC from their home, their school, their support network. And as much as I hope that DH and I never would split, my dad always taught me to be practical in everything I do.

B0ttl3tr335 · 15/12/2019 06:31

I had 10 years not working whilst dc were young and didn’t realise how miserable I was until I went back to work. I felt cut off, kind of wasting my years, less secure, lonely and yes poorer. Used to do my head in spending my days surround by the retired and toddlers.

I’m lucky in that I have a job I love now working with lovely people. Pay not amazing but it helps. I’m full time, 100 times happier and feel I’m contributing again. I think enjoying your job is the key.

Stickybuns52 · 15/12/2019 06:33

I'm lucky to be a stay at home mum & be in a good financial position to not have to work. I'm not wealthy by any means but my husband & I have worked extremely hard to get our business off the ground & be in the good position we're in today!

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 15/12/2019 06:35

It's a bit of a stretch to say that putting your child in childcare is having someone else raise them.

I only found out a few years ago when I asked my mum when she went back to work after having me that I'd gone to nursery full time from the age of six months to starting school.

I can't even remember! It's had no impact on anything and as far as I'm concerned my parents raised me.

Fr0g · 15/12/2019 06:47

I worked really hard to qualify in a relatively well paid profession, including years of being v short of cash and time while
i paid for my training and studied to qualify whilst working.
Decades in a "career" I often didn't enjoy that much, and which probably contributed to mental health issues.
Several (self funded) lengthy breaks from work, I now work part time in a more junior role, same profession, and enjoy it.

Fortunate - yes, but not really "lucky" - I worked bloody hard to be in this position.