Boyfriend so irresponsible

[imcuriousok]

Not sure if I'm posting in the correct place but just wanted to vent and to know if I am unreasonable to be driven crazy by this!!!

Me and my boyfriend have been together since age 16 and we're 23 now. We've always had a good relationship and are like best friends but one thing about him that drives me mad is that he is just so irresponsible.

A few examples..
He got a parking ticket, didn't pay it on time so ended up having to pay almost £200 instead of the original £30 fine.

Gets speeding ticket, 'forgets' to pay it so now he owes almost £400 for this speeding ticket which was originally £100.

Goes on night out, loses his wallet which has a lot of money in it.

Can't cook anything for himself and will wait until his mother is home to make him dinner - he's almost 24 for gods sake!!!

We don't live together or have any children but sometimes I think how the hell would he cope having to look after a child if he can barely look after himself.

So AIBU to find this behaviour really really annoying when there are no other problems in our relationship? Opinions and advice please even if it is brutally honest and to tell me that I'm being a diva!

Forget him before he drags you into debt.

Run, run, run for your life. The man child you see now is the man child he will always be. Don't ruin your life staying with him, unless being his mummy is something you want to live with.

Do not have a child with this manbaby. You will end up being mum to both of them.

I'd see it as a big warning sign that if you two were ever to live together/get married etc he would probably expect you to take over the role of mummy and look after him. It's one thing if he has these debts rising in his own name which he has to pay off but how would he cope if you two had your own place and bills to pay? He's not exactly old but he's not a teenager either, I'd be careful about planning any type of future with this guy unless he can grow up and start looking after himself properly

Brutally honest? Sure.

Life is horribly short. You only get one go at it, this is it. DUMP this irresponsible pathetic child of a man, and move on. Can't cook anything for himself? How sexy.

Run, don’t walk, away

He's just really immature. Never really grown up, does he still live at home? Sounds like he's not cut thr apron strings yet. Depends if you think he will ever change or if thr good outweighs the bad,

Personally I think if you're still a twat at this age it's likely you'll always be a twat.

Sorry, he doesn’t want a partner, just a mother replacement he can sleep with (speaking from bitter experience)

Do you live alone? Does he stay over? How does he behave then - does his fair share, or sits around expecting you to wait at his hand and foot?

His mother has done him great disservice by not allowing him to grow up and I say MOTHER because it isn't his father running home to cook his son's dinner.

He needs to live alone, learn how to adult properly or he'll be a shit live in 'partner' or husband.

He is a man baby, I know one (not my dh thankfully) manbaby is infuriating to be around.
He is playing helpless so you step right into his mammy’s shoes. Go into this with your eyes WIDE open. Or move on.

He is an overgrown man child and this won't change.

He has been enabled by the adults in his life, especially mum, and it's probably a sign he will want a partner to fill mummy's shoes.

You're best leaving this relationship.

He reminds me of my DSis's abusive ExH. His mum used to bring a casserole over to their house once a week at least. He had debts adding up to £17k. Added to him, he was violent to her and bullied her beloved Labrador Retriever, who adored him. (Because the dog was so devoted, she didn't cotton on to what he was doing straightaway.

I'm obviously not saying that your boyfriend will necessarily turn into that kind of abusive wanker. But at the very least, your boyfriend could very easily land you in debt.

Honestly please don't get pregnant by this man. The father of my children was exactly like this, we would regularly have the bailiffs at the door and the car clamped due to him not paying his parking/speeding tickets. He constantly lost money/phones/keys and would also not bother to find out what the best tariff was for his phone so we wince had to pay an £800 phone bill!! It was the cause of major stress in our relationship and in the end I totally lost respect for him. He also couldn't cook. I met him when he was 26 and he's still the same now at nearly 50, they don't change! Luckily I don't have to deal with any of his irresponsible bullshit now and have the most amazing grown up and responsible man in my life who also happens to be an amazing cook! They do exist, go and find yourself one!

Sounds similar to a situation I was in. Together with ex since we were both 16 and broke up at 23... he was just immature. Women and men mature differently and it was so frustrating. He was babied by his parents and never had to do anything, bills always covered by parents.

Honestly he sounds like a nightmare and he will easily become a burden to you. Think very carefully about your relationship with him.

Does he have any plans to move out or fend for himself or learn to cook etc? Or is he planning on staying there until he moves in with a girlfriend?

I was a bit hopeless when I lived at home with my parents, probably a bit like your bf, and I didnt know what I didnt know about housework etc

But I was always planning to go to uni and then move out which I did and it was a steep learning curve but i lived in shared houses where other people were also learning. In your position I wouldn't move in with him until you've seen how he lives by himself

And his good points ?

uergh this will become more of a problem if you do have children, live together. i strenuously suggest that you politely disengage unless you love being a grown man's mummy.

It will probably be painful for you but please end this relationship.

I think it depends on whether you've had a conversation about this and if he's willing to change or if he even sees it as an issue in the first place.

Can't cook anything for himself and will wait until his mother is home to make him dinner - he's almost 24 for gods sake!!!

Oh dear God. One of those.

Don't fall for this learned helplessness. And please do not have children with him; or you'll end up looking after him, once Mummy boots him out.

Just no. How deeply unattractive. Sorry.

Thank you so much everyone for the comments, I really appreciate the advice as I didn't know if I was just being a moaner about the whole thing.

To address some questions that have been asked:
He doesn't laze around demanding things to be done for him, he works full time, runs a car, pays rent to his parents and insists that if he moves out he wants to learn to cook as it's not something he's ever known to do (apart from very basic things like beans on toast)

When he comes to my house he never expects me to do anything for him, if he's hungry he'll either buy food out or get a microwave meal or something

He's also a really nice person and would do anything for anybody, the carelessness is just the issue as he is so forgetful and irresponsible

I know he sounds awful in my first post but he is genuinely one of the nicest people I just think he needs to grow up and be a bit more independent

Have you spoke about it?

We don't live together or have any children but sometimes I think how the hell would he cope

Well right now he wouldn't, he'd do what a million man-children exactly like him have done before: he'd move from one mummy to the next (you) and you will spend the next 40 years in a permanent state of low level fury at his entitled leave-it-all-to-the-woman attitude, and permanently a bit sad, frustrated and let down that you don't have a proper partner.

My advice: tell him you're rethinking things - that he needs to move out, grow up and get responsible for his own shit, or you might just move on.