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Partner and his Ex

99 replies

Teenangels · 09/12/2019 10:11

This is going to be long so not to drip feed.
My partner and I have been together for 4 years, he has an ok relationship with his ex. He only sees her when it is about their adult child.
His ex is vile about me and my children? I have been called the C-word, is openly hostile in her views about me. I have had messages off her being rude telling me to keep away and that she is my partner family etc.
Yesterday my partner left our house and went to pick his son from uni.
Ex had to be picked up from her place and they then drove together so that she could see their child and bring child back from uni.
I phoned my partner to get a rough idea of what time he would be home, I heard her say oh it’s the fucking bitch.
My partner then got angry with me as it’s my fault for ringing and that his ex can call me whatever she likes.
Am I being unreasonable to tell my partner that he does not need to take her places and that he stands up for me.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

321 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Whattodoabout · 09/12/2019 10:12

My partner then got angry with me as it’s my fault for ringing and that his ex can call me whatever she likes.

Leave him.

worriedsickandfedup · 09/12/2019 10:13

She sounds very jealous of you having 'her' man! Tell him to start siding with you, or reconsider your options - do you really want to be with someone who is putting his exs feelings ahead of his partners by not defending you? His children are adult, he doesn't need a relationship with her to maintain one with them.

JollyJlly · 09/12/2019 10:14

Red flags all over the place here. Run for the hills 4 years or not.

BeatriceTheBeast · 09/12/2019 10:15

Jesus, he got angry with you after she called you a fucking bitch? He doesn't seem to think much of you, sorry.

BlueJava · 09/12/2019 10:15

Are you sure he's not back with her, or thinking of doing so? He sounds horrible. I can't think of why you wouldn't leave if he's like that to you.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 09/12/2019 10:15

YABU - to yourself.

You can walk away from this man, who doesn't seem to want to put your first, or even second after his adult child.

What stops you?

Foslady · 09/12/2019 10:17

He hasn’t got your back, he’s got hers.

Walk away, she knows this and loves it.

Venger · 09/12/2019 10:17

Tell him straight, he needs to step up and defend you when she starts being verbally abusive or else you're going to need to reconsider your relationship. By not challenging her behaviour, saying that she can say what she likes, and getting angry at you for it, he is enabling it to continue.

worriedsickandfedup · 09/12/2019 10:18

My partner then got angry with me as it’s my fault for ringing and that his ex can call me whatever she likes.

^ Oops missed that line! Never mind the reconsider thing then, just go! Gosh what kind of 'partner' is that. He clearly puts her above you. It must be hard being years into the relationship but you are worth so much more. Alone is better than second best

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/12/2019 10:20

How would he behave if a random in the street called you a cunt or a fucking bitch?

He’s clearly an arsehole whose priorities are completely wrong. Why are you putting up with this?! Expect better for yourself, stop expecting him to change and become a decent person and leave him so you can have a happier life.

AryaStarkWolf · 09/12/2019 10:20

LTB, why would you stay with a guy who defends his ex after she insults you? What else can anyone say to you, no amount of advise is going to change how he prioritises you both

hazell42 · 09/12/2019 10:23

Its perfectly reasonable for your partner and his ex to do things together involving their child, adult or not.
Going to collect him together from uni is perfectly fine.
Its not ok for your partner to say nothing when she abuses you though.
The person I would be annoyed at is him.
However, did you know, when you called, that it would annoy her? Were you really asking for an ETA or marking your territory? If it was the first, I think, given the antagonism between you, I would have checked that first or sent a text. If it was the second you need to sort yourself out. He has chosen you.
Her nastiness should be water off a duck's back
Why isn't it?

PoppyFleur · 09/12/2019 10:29

My partner then got angry with me as it’s my fault for ringing and that his ex can call me whatever she likes.

Call time on this relationship, the ex wife is not the problem, your partner is. He has no respect whatsoever for you.

Sunflowersok · 09/12/2019 10:30

That’s not a partner OP. I think the problem is with him rather than her

MinervaSaidThat · 09/12/2019 10:31

My partner then got angry with me as it’s my fault for ringing and that his ex can call me whatever she likes.

Call him a cunt and leave him. They sound MFEO.

PhoenixReincarnated · 09/12/2019 10:32

Why are you with someone who prioritises his ex over you?

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 09/12/2019 10:32

I wouldn’t be with someone who allowed anyone to call me a bitch in their company.

BlastEndedSkrewt · 09/12/2019 10:35

were you the other woman during their relationship OP?

MumW · 09/12/2019 10:35

LTB, he hasn't got your back. Why would you want to be with someone who thinks it's ok to allow another person to be abusive towards anyone, let alone his DP?

ohfucksake · 09/12/2019 10:36

What a pair of fuckers

Really really get rid.

Teenangels · 09/12/2019 10:38

I am reconsidering our relationship believe me!
His ex is controlling of all the time he spends with their child, even down to seeing their child on Boxing Day the 3 of them spend it together or he would not see their child, the ex is that controlling. I have no relationship with my partners child as his mother would not allow a relationship to happen.

OP posts:
Teenangels · 09/12/2019 10:43

She is that controlling that she would stop her child from seeing my partner. I have never met anyone with such issues.
The hate that seeps out of her that my partner left her and has moved on is something else really.

OP posts:
PixieN · 09/12/2019 10:43

That sounds bonkers, especially if their ‘child’ is now at university! They’re practically an adult 😳 Surely they can arrange to see their Dad on their own without interference from the ex?

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 09/12/2019 10:43

If the child is an adult, it ought to be up to them what they do on Boxing Day, not to their mother.

PixieN · 09/12/2019 10:44

Also agree with previous posters that your DP should be defending you!

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