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Original poster

Not puttinf partbers name on birth certificate

160 replies

OpportunityKnocks · 09/12/2019 08:31

I've read at least 3 threads in the last day where posters have told the OP not to put the fathers name on the birth certificate, despite the child being undeniably his.

It's actually appalling.

Why would you purposely do what you can to remove parental rights, which will affect the relationship that a father has with his child.

Yes, he can fight it through court, but why the hell would you do that to your child? You would be making it harder for him to have a relationship with his from the outset.

Not only that, but it really sets a tone for the next 18 years. I would be livid if my partner did that to me, regardless of the reasons. It's unforgivable.

Posters suggesting this are really giving no thought to the long term impact on the childs relationship with the father. Imagine of a father could do this to a mother?

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 09/12/2019 09:29

women aren't keeping men off the birth certificate of their child because they're petty

….some are

hsegfiugseskufh · 09/12/2019 09:29

iwork you cant say most unless you have met every single couple ever who have had a baby, can you?

Christ on a bike.

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 09/12/2019 09:30

Yeah I can. Cheers.

MoggyP · 09/12/2019 09:30

Why the assumption that all dads are deadbeats who don't care though?

Because I do not assume that women who make such a significant decision are stupid, ill-informed or just doing it for shitz and giggles.

Of course I don't think dads in general are deadbeats.

hsegfiugseskufh · 09/12/2019 09:30

how can you cheesecake are you some sort of higher being who actually sees it all?

or are you just that ignorant that you think your opinion counts as fact?

hsegfiugseskufh · 09/12/2019 09:31

moggyo no, and I imagine the majority of them aren't any of those things, but some of them most certainly are. Not all women are angels you know. Not all women care about their kids.

Original poster
OpportunityKnocks · 09/12/2019 09:32

People are being advised not to put dps on birth certificates for far far far less than what it would take to have ss remove a mothers parental responsibility.

OP posts:
BarbaraStrozzi · 09/12/2019 09:33

I have only ever seen it suggested on MN when the father sperm supplier has shown himself to be a violent abusive bastard.

I have never seen it suggested as a routine matter of course.

Isadora2007 · 09/12/2019 09:33

Women give birth and are automatically given PR as the mothers and rightly so. Fathers do not have such a vital role in the pregnancy and birth of a baby and therefore need to actually go with the mum if unmarried to get on the BC. IF they do not attend that first appt I’d be assuming there were issuer right away... why else would a woman in a loving relationship NOT get her partner on the BC? In all the situations I’ve read here there have been reservations about the father- commitment wise or abuse or control wise or with his wider family. And if in doubt leave him out is my view- IF he is a good ‘in he can be added. But if he isn’t and gets PR then he can and indeed many DO use keeping babies away from their mums as a punishment when actually being with their mum is best eg when breastfed etc. Babies are often seen by their families as trophies. My own grandson hasn’t had a penny from his father, who thinks that’s quite right too as he isn’t on the BC.

Not puttinf partbers name on birth certificate
IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 09/12/2019 09:33

Bolly- give it up. We won’t agree on this one. You becoming offensive won’t change my mind Grin

Isadora2007 · 09/12/2019 09:34

My grandsons ex is being taken to court for threatening and absolve behaviour towards my dd while their son was asleep in her arms.

ellendegeneres · 09/12/2019 09:34

In my case I was told he’d take the baby away from me and I’d never see him again. His family was wealthy enough to have carried out exactly what he threatened and his mother was obsessed with ‘her’ baby (that was growing inside me ffs).

I registered baby alone. He knew when I was doing it. He’s seen him twice in many years. I do not regret my actions. Ds knows his fathers name, he knows he chooses not to be involved and knows I have never and will never stop a relationship between them should his father ever reach out. He won’t though, because he’s all talk and has now a brand new baby so can focus his attention on that one. And his ‘d’m announces over social media that she has finally become a grandma.

I think everyone has their reasons, and it’s not like the father can’t go to court to be put on bc and gain access.
My second child, his father is named and they share their surname. They have an amazing relationship and ds2 adores his stepmum and extended family, we all get on brilliantly. So it’s not like I’m some bitter woman who just wants her kids for herself either.

hsegfiugseskufh · 09/12/2019 09:35

cheesecake

how am I being offensive? you're stating your opinion as fact...

we never agree on anything cheesecake - I think that's probably a good thing for me.

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 09/12/2019 09:36

Ok carry on then. Grin i’ll Just ignore you.

user1471449295 · 09/12/2019 09:36

I was unmarried and the father couldn’t be bothered to show up. So he is not on BC. I’m glad to be honest.

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 09/12/2019 09:36

And fwiw- you don’t agree with quite a lot of people on MN.

hsegfiugseskufh · 09/12/2019 09:37

how very grown up Cheesecake I don't know why you bother posting, all you ever do is throw your toys out when someone doesn't agree with you!

hsegfiugseskufh · 09/12/2019 09:37

cheesecake I agree with lots of people.... weird to say that when im actually agreeing with the op... Biscuit

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 09/12/2019 09:37
Grin
Original poster
OpportunityKnocks · 09/12/2019 09:39

I have totally overlooked the awful situations of significant drug abuse, violence and other abuse. It was not my intention to say these should get automatically popped on the bc. Sorry about these situations, :(

The threads I saw the advice on were things like 'my partner went on a bender', 'if we break up, he wants full custody'.

OP posts:
Singlemumscum · 09/12/2019 09:48

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2019 09:55

“ I have totally overlooked the awful situations of significant drug abuse, violence and other abuse. It was not my intention to say these should get automatically popped on the bc.“

So are you saying that women should have to make a case for leaving the father off the birth certificate?

hsegfiugseskufh · 09/12/2019 09:56

singlemum that is awful, and he is obviously using his PR to control you. I agree that there should be something you can do about this, you'd think after so much time in court a judge would realise why he's doing it and that its not in the best interest of his children Sad

hsegfiugseskufh · 09/12/2019 09:57

Bertrand IMO they should, you shouldn't be able to do it because you've split up and don't like him anymore, or because you've found a new man who you'd prefer.

It should be for a good reason, in the best interest of the child, not because the mother is a bit pissed off.

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2019 09:59

“ Bertrand IMO they should,”

How?

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