Dropping out of Masters so embarrassed and lost

[KnuckFows]

Realised my dissertation is simply not good enough. It absolute won't pass, it would be ok for undergrad but not this. DP is exasperated says I'm being too hard on myself and negative, that's not it though it really is not relevant and only realised what the problem is today and can't fix it in a couple of days.

I'm so depressed about this, and my family will be a bit contemptuous. I've dropped out of a postgrad degree before but really thought I could do it this time - and I have done well in my assignments so there's that. I will have a certificate.

My family all take for granted I can just do this level of academic work, I grew up being told how bright I am and im clearly bloody not!! I feel like that is (unintentionally) a set up for feeling like a failure when I can't deliver? Which I honestly can't.

I have an adhd diagnosis but not even really sure I have it, I have several medical conditions which can possibly interfere with concentration and stamina, and mean I could not try the adhd medication anyway.

The thing is it doesn't even matter what the reason is for failing, the reasons why become meaningless, just that oh look KnuckFows has failed again smirk smirk.

At a loss, not sure what direction to go in now without this degree. More fool me for thinking id get it.

.

[PlatoAteMySnozcumber]

Please don’t give up, you can do this, you are so close. Nothing you have said is a deal breaker for getting a Masters, it’s all perfectly normal. The final product is often not what you initially presented and it’s also normal to panic it’s not okay. You have come so far, don’t give up now.

I was sick when I write my Masters thesis and discovered halfway through that my subject was too original, there just wasn’t the academic analysis on it. I didn’t feel well enough to rethink the whole thing and just carried on... the whole thing was my own analysis and opinion substantiated where possible by academic sources. I alternated between thinking it was terrible and a work of original brilliance. My tutor, however, was of the view that it was just above a pass. I still shudder when I think about it as my lowest grade the rest of the year was a 1st.

Your tutor will be on your side and will get you over the finish line if at all possible. Stop second guessing yourself, commit to what you have done so far and just finish off the thesis to hand it in. I would much rather do the best that I can and see what happens than be a quitter.

[Nearlyalmost50]

I agree with everyone- speak immediately to your course leader/supervisor or the head of PG courses. I don't know what the policy is regarding extending extensions at your uni, you need to find out.

If all else fails, submit something rather than nothing. You will get 0% if you submit nothing, if you submit something you may get the required pass mark, we have had passes for not very good dissertations- but they are the right topic, have refs in them and aren't unsaveable.

Please submit something so they have a basis for considering a pass.

[hettie]

don't whatever you do drop out without submitting.... You're panicking and have got in a negative cycle. If you've been doing ok in assignments you are totally able to do this. You may need some support (I'm dyslexic and have attentional issues, I have a doctorate-much support from the uni, loads of help with rewrites). Speak to your tutor today and work with them to find a solution.

[Chemenger]

Lecturer here. You have nothing to lose by submitting your dissertation. As others have said marking schemes are set up to let people pass. It is so hard to fail if you submit something. I’ve been through this with so many students, please just hand it in. My PhD thesis makes me cringe, but it passed, it’s about the process not the results.

[crikeycrumbsblimey]

ONLY YOU CAN SORT THIS OUT

You have had your panic time (completely understandable) now get on with it. No one else can do this so you can choose to fail or you can speak to someone, you have no idea it an extension will be turned down, if you won’t pass as you are not the person in charge of that. You are in charge of how you deal with it.

If you fail it will be because you didn’t have the courage to try and let others help you. You allowed anxiety and panic to take over - do you want to spend the rest of you life doing that?

[notnowmaybelater]

OrangeCinnamon thank you so much for suggesting the academic phrase bank! I'm trying to write academic essays in German atm and having done my previous academic study in English 20+ years ago it didn't occur to me that such things existed - you gave me the idea to Google "akademische Standardsatz" and I've found several resources! Why didn't I think of that before? Thank you

[Daisydoola]

Do it and and get it sent.

Good luck

[MrsNoMopp]

Don't let your family drag you down with their expectations. Try to detach from that, or feel annoyed/angry about them interfering, instead of turning it in on yourself. This is YOUR life, and their narrow-minded judgment is not appropriate.

Perhaps find a counsellor when the time is right (university health service?) although you may not have time at the moment.

Contact the course co-ordinator ASAP, regardless of having previously said you were OK. Things change and helping you is what they're there for.

If it's hard to find something conclusive in your dissertation, don't be afraid to make that the conclusion. E.g. "More people have previously found X than Y, but more research on Z is needed before a firm conclusion can be drawn."

Don't give up now after coming so far. Ignore toxic relatives. Look after yourself. Seek support. You can do this!

[Figmentofmyimagination]

Don’t give up.

It sounds like you have very low self esteem and an extremely harsh negative voice sitting on your shoulder. Don’t give in to it (I’ve been there). Keep going - you only need to pass.

You sound like you need some adjustments - eg an extension - did you know that you don’t need a formal medical ‘diagnosis’ to be protected by the equality act. You need an impairment that impacts on your ability to do day to day things, long term. Since you’ve done this before, your poor mental health is clearly having a long term impact on your ability to study. Have you thought about anxiety? Have you spoken to your GP?

When you are done with this, try and take a step back and work out whose voice is on your shoulder!

[TimeForNewStart]

@SE13Mummy has written a fantastic e mail for you. If you haven't already contacted them I would send that.

[bibliomania]

Just to reiterate that no results = a valid result. You have identified a gap in the literature- that's useful and valid.

Honestly, just tuck your feelings away till Wednesday. Go into robot mode. It doesn't matter that you think it's shit, just finish that shit and submit.

(I'm a year on from submitting my PhD - which I passed - but I can't bring myself to even look at it. I've read interviews with published authors who can't bear to look at their books. You're the one who knows the shining vision in your head and compare it to the much diminished reality. Nobody else sees it as starkly as you do).

[bibliomania]

Honestly, I'm not sure that I'd put efforts into getting an extension because you'll just have longer to feel bad. Just put your feelings away - they are not helpful information right now - and concentrate on making it look the part. If it feels like polishing a turd, that's really okay. Be as cynical as you need to get you through.

[Reallybadidea]

@KnuckFows how are you doing this morning? I hope you managed to get some sleep and that the way forward seems a bit clearer this morning.

[Howdidido]

Echoing no results is still a result. Your opinion based on the evidence is an academic opinion remember.
I felt exactly the same for my masters dissertation -after 2 extensions. I kept putting it off rather than asking for help as it felt like a pointless piece with no results. But I passed.
Remember- you can't pass if you don't submit.
You should do your best for the next 2 days and have a reward in place for yourself when it's over. Spa? Night away? Cocktails? Something to look forward to working your arse off. But lot at midnight. Work in the daytime. And take regular scheduled breaks to step away from your work.
Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

[Howdidido]

not at midnight!

[SevenStones]

How's it going @KnuckFows?

[KnuckFows]

Hi all, thank you everyone so much for all the info and support. I had a long sleep, ate a huge late breakfast and emailed my course coordinator asking about the word count and if there is a possibility of second attempt if needs be.

Honestly they are all probably laughing at me over their coffee (because I've had a lot and also deferred a Christmas exam which I passed) then, but look here I am again fucking up) but I don't care right now.

I feel like anyone who knows about the extensions, or the deferred exam, probably thinks I've not really earned my postgrad cert or the degree if I pass the dissertation. Because I've been ill I've had unfair advantages of more time, so is it even an achievement at all really?

That said I'm far calmer, I can think on the value of the whole thing another day, I think until I hear back from somebody im going to keep writing and editing for as long as I can - I have a stash of chocolate and my appetite is back with a bang. I think part of the reason I felt so physically awful was not eating and drinking properly for a few days.

I'm worried in case I never manage to deal with my anxiety in the bigger picture ie if I do manage to get the job I want someday. My anxiety is absolutely fine and manageable day to day just doing low stress stuff, but in situations where I have to produce something to be judged and compete i fall apart. Its a complete disaster. But again, not going to think of what to do about that right now.

[KnuckFows]

I've had a lot of extensions before that should have read.

[ConstanceL]

I'm glad you are feeling calmer. You don't need to drop out. Do as you are and keep editing until the last minute and hand it in. You just need to scrape a pass! But you may do better than you expect.

[SourAndSnippy]

Glad you are feeling a little better.

[tabulahrasa]

“Honestly they are all probably laughing at me over their coffee”

They won’t be...

“I feel like anyone who knows about the extensions, or the deferred exam, probably thinks I've not really earned my postgrad cert or the degree if I pass the dissertation.”

Fuck em tbh, if anyone thinks that their opinion isn’t worth anything anyway.

[Chemenger]

Nobody will be laughing at you. They just want you do do as well as you can, it’s their job to facilitate that.

[DecemberDays]

No-one will be laughing at you over their coffee - I am an academic and we simply do not do that. Students get extensions for valid reasons! Keep on with what you are doing; as others have said, you will get some credit for it.