Dropping out of Masters so embarrassed and lost

[KnuckFows]

Realised my dissertation is simply not good enough. It absolute won't pass, it would be ok for undergrad but not this. DP is exasperated says I'm being too hard on myself and negative, that's not it though it really is not relevant and only realised what the problem is today and can't fix it in a couple of days.

I'm so depressed about this, and my family will be a bit contemptuous. I've dropped out of a postgrad degree before but really thought I could do it this time - and I have done well in my assignments so there's that. I will have a certificate.

My family all take for granted I can just do this level of academic work, I grew up being told how bright I am and im clearly bloody not!! I feel like that is (unintentionally) a set up for feeling like a failure when I can't deliver? Which I honestly can't.

I have an adhd diagnosis but not even really sure I have it, I have several medical conditions which can possibly interfere with concentration and stamina, and mean I could not try the adhd medication anyway.

The thing is it doesn't even matter what the reason is for failing, the reasons why become meaningless, just that oh look KnuckFows has failed again smirk smirk.

At a loss, not sure what direction to go in now without this degree. More fool me for thinking id get it.

.

[Reallybadidea]

I think you're in a blind panic at the moment and are actually really close to finishing. Maybe your adhd is muddying this. You have 2 days left, you can do this. I reckon that you need to try and get some sleep (have a glass or two of wine if necessary) then first thing tomorrow get on the phone to your supervisor. I suspect that they will be able to reassure you that you're actually on the right track and it probably just needs a few tweaks.

I really feel for you because I got myself in a terrible state during my MSc to the extent that I was on the phone to the Samaritans at 4am on the day of my viva.

Calm down. Take some deep breaths. I really think this situation is salvageable.

[TheFuzzyStar]

Don’t drop out now that would be such a waste. Can you get a letter from your doctor recommending another extension due to stress?

[Craftycorvid]

Ok, there are a few things going on here. In order: if you have an adult ADHD diagnosis and your uni’ is aware of it, you should be eligible for help and support including 1-1 from a mentor. If this isn’t happening, I’d try and find out (student services should be the place to start). Entertain the possibility your view of your work is skewed by other things such as your inbuilt beliefs about yourself. You may be playing out a self-fulfilling prophecy. I work in HE as a mentor and what’s going on for you is not uncommon for students ie there is most likely nothing lacking academically, but you have a combination of organisational difficulties and negative ideas about your abilities. The uni’ will not want you to fail! That doesn’t mean making allowances, but it does mean helping you demonstrate your skills. Was your MA taught or purely dissertation? If the former, you may well have accrued credits that mean everything does not hinge on the dissertation. Don’t give up!

[KnuckFows]

The dissertation has to pass in its own right.

Honestly, I feel crazy with anxiety I can't see the wood for the trees.

[Ffsseriously]

You know you are just playing mind games don't you? I do it, what you are percieving right now isn't fact, it's fear. If you are like me you are embarrassed and feel like the examiners will laugh at you having the audacity to think you can do a dissertation, they really won't. And it's seems mad but to not participate is the easy route probably the route you feel comfortable taking, and it becomes a distracting drama. Seriously just submit.

[LemonPrism]

You're being too hard on yourself. My MA thesis was a bit of a mess (idiot sandwich here left myself 2 weeks to write the thing) and still somehow passed. Dont drop out now!

Do you have an advisor?

[HowDeepIsYourGlove]

@KnuckFows a pass is 50%. You can achieve that with a good introduction and literature review alone.
You’re being unnecessarily negative.
Also 2 days is quite a lot of time, most of my students (and myself included) write up whole papers in less than a week and you’ve done a great deal of your dissertation already by the sounds of it.
You can do it. You’re not going to fail.
Get some rest and look at it again tomorrow with a clear head

[Notsurehowtofixit]

OP, WHY are there no results? To me that's the key issue.

Is it that your phenomenon is impossible to measure? Have all the studies been bad so far? Is it not a reasonable area of research?

I bet you know. That's what you need to explain and then your conclusion could be suggested next steps. Good enough.

As a PP said, it's really hard to fail. They pass all kinds of crap, honestly. Just put down what you've got. Don't give up.

[tabulahrasa]

“Honestly, I feel crazy with anxiety I can't see the wood for the trees.”

See, I think you’re scared of it failing, so you’re thinking if you don’t submit it technically it can’t fail...

That whole if you don’t try you can’t fail thing.

But even if it does fail, the end result is the same - so you’re better to submit it and see instead of deliberately failing.

[IAmNotAWitch]

Just submit it.

Completely mad to drop out if you have done the work and have something to submit.

Shove it in and see what happens.

[KnuckFows]

And it's seems mad but to not participate is the easy route probably the route you feel comfortable taking, and it becomes a distracting drama.

Yes, not participating is the safe route for me because ok I still ultimately fail but it's me choosing how that failure happens, instead of having yet another person formally announcing to me that im not good enough and can't measure up.

The only part I disagree with is the drama, I don't want drama, I just want to pretend it never happened and drink a glass of wine, and look forward to Christmas and get on with my life.

[DeathStare]

GO IN AND TALK TO YOUR TUTOR OR COURSE LEADER ASAP.

Seriously they have seen this before. Often. There will be ways round this. They may not be great but there will be options. Your tutor will know the options and will talk you through them. No university or tutor wants someone who has completed 2/3 of a Masters degree to fail and they will support you in getting through this.

Unless you submmission date is 9am tomorrow do not submit - sometimes this can actually close off options to you - talk to them first.

Please stop trying to sort this yourself - you can't. Of course you can't see the wood from the trees right now but your tutor will known (and probably know well) the path through the trees.

Email them NOW explaining the situation and asking to meet to discuss it. Tell them how distressed you are. They will help you.

[Fucket]

Am I right in thinking if you fail to submit it, you are somehow saving yourself of your perceived fear of failing by not being intellectual enough. You’ve got a lot of family pressure of expectation. Failing to submit is self preservation over failing because it wasn’t good enough.

Logic dictates you submit it to stand any chance of passing. But by not submitting you avoid a whole host of heartache and upset.

The question is do you think you would feel any worse than you do now?

Do they hand out extensions to anyone or do you meet with them and discuss your work beforehand? Presumably they might’ve had a quiet word before now to say yiur work was heading to a dead end?

Good luck OP, whatever you decide to do, please know your worth is so much more than what qualifications you achieve in life. Sometimes failing also makes us learn so much more about ourselves than constantly succeeding. I think it makes you a better person in the long run.

[YouSawThePlans]

You have two days. Write down a plan for those two days eg day one: call supervisor; ask a colleague/friend/fellow student to read it. day two: edit and input any changes. Submit.

Now you have a plan. Go to bed. Take whatever you need to help you sleep - cocoa; wine. Get up tomorrow and follow your plan.

It makes absolutely no sense not to submit it. You've done the work. You're having a wobble. It's completely normal.

[KnuckFows]

They can't help though?

I was in touch with the course coordinator a few weeks ago when they asked if I was ok to submit, and I said yes because I thought it was going to be ok at that point.

[SevenStones]

Whatever you do, don't give up OP! You're so close.

Do what PPs have suggested - phone them tomorrow.

Is the dissertation at the word count and have you edited and proofread what you do have? Do you submit electronically or is it paper copies? Do you need to bind it?

Write down the steps left to do. Forget about what's in it and not in it, just make it submission-ready and talk to someone tomorrow.

Then if you have time work in some of the stuff you've omitted.

You sound like me, OP. I have to ignore my thoughts and just keep going.

[Reallybadidea]

If you don't submit you're going to spend Christmas wondering whether you should have submitted it. You get this sorted and then you can enjoy Christmas with a weight off your mind. I get the scared to fail thing, but you need to just take the risk at some point in your life. I don't actually think that failing would be worse than how you're feeling at the moment!

[YouSawThePlans]

Of course, they can help. Even if it's just to reassure you that your method is valid. It doesn't matter what you said to them two weeks ago. You could have had an epiphany or a crisis of confidence in the intervening period. They can support you to manage either or both.

[SevenStones]

Then you now have to speak to your course coordinator and say you're panicking and can they go through a few things with you so that you calm down and get yourself out of the mindset you're in.

[KnuckFows]

Failing to submit is self preservation over failing because it wasn’t good enough.

This is exactly it. I'm sick of being the failure when it comes to careers and education.

Have lost my appetite and feel so unwell.

[Glitterpearl]

This sounds completely fear based. I say that as someone who almost cancelled a 3k holiday thinking I had failed an exam that I got a 2.1 in. I regularly stress out over assignments thinking I am not good enough only to get a first. So I truly understand how strongly you believe it is awful and that it will fail. But that is your fear and worry highlighting the points that support the negative view and ignoring rational thought or anything positive. Basically, you can't trust yourself here and you need to submit it, and give yourself the best chance you can.

[Ffsseriously]

Sorry drama was a negative word to use and I didn't mean it like that. I suppose I meant the saying I'm not good enough etc is safe and comfortable and distracts from having to face the fear and submit. Or the horror of believing you can do it then failing, and having all your fears confirmed.

[Italiangreyhound]

KnuckFows if you have done 2/3 of the work would you get a PG Dip?

I think you need to speak to your supervisor and submit something. Even if it doesn't pass you have done more than most people academically and should be proud of your achievements.

[tabulahrasa]

“This is exactly it. I'm sick of being the failure when it comes to careers and education.”

But if you don’t submit then you’re accepting that you are a failure.

It feels safer right now, but I think you’ll massively regret it later.

[SarahAndQuack]

Go and talk to the course co-ordinator again.

Talk to everyone you can.

As someone who has supervised postgrads, I would want to know if your situation had suddenly deteriorated. No, having heard from you two weeks ago would not make a difference. I would want you to email me now! And I would be gearing up to help you as much as I could. It does not matter whether or not you think you will pass or fail, submit or not submit. Purely in terms of sorting out finances directly, you want to be in touch with your tutor/supervisor/course co-ordinator asap.

Of course people do fail Masters courses. But generally, when they do, it is because they didn't get in touch early enough, or they got into a panic. It is very rare someone fails because they are innately incapable. It is much more common someone fails because they decided they wouldn't seek help.

Don't be that person. It has already been two weeks since you last spoke to the course co-ordinator. That is a long time. You need to get back in touch with everyone who can help you.