Is having 3 really that bad?

[comfybedandadarngoodbook]

Just found out I'm pregnant with child #3. Is having 3 really that bad. My husband says people tell him three is really hard and they regret it all the time. At every stage. For me I've never had people regretting; yes a lot of work and energy. Not sure what we'll decide to do but I just need some other people's perspective!

He's only thinking of the practicalities of it, not of the love the child will bring into his life. Personally, I'd find it hard to be with him, if he wanted me to have a termination.

I had 3 under 5 and found the transition from 1-2 much more difficult than when no3 came along!

Like pp we had to get a bigger car etc but it hasn’t disrupted our lives that much, it has made things like holidays and day trips more expensive though.

Of course not! Having 3 is lovely for me, they always have someone to play with. Christmas/ holidays are more fun. I love having 3. Wouldn't have any more than that though

I have 3 and I love the noise and chaos... most of the time ! It is hard work though

I agree with a pp. If your DH was that worried about another pregnancy he should have had the snip. It's very extreme to suggest a termination because of his "package" at work.

Definitely do what you feel is right, there will only be resentment otherwise and it is entirely your choice

I do want to say though I do feel for your DH. I feel like the absolute worst parent in the world for saying this but when I accidentally became pregnant with my third child it was me who didn’t want another whereas my partner did.

He said he’d never forgive me if I had a termination and I felt I had no choice but to carry on. The mental impact on having another child on me has been utterly horrendous to the point I’ve contemplated suicide several times. I really do hope things become easier for me in the future, but I just want to say it’s not always as simple as he’ll cope he’ll manage he’ll be fine, the impacts can be quite devastating.

Congratulations, how wonderful! 💐
I have 3 wonderful children and am very thankful.

Please think carefully before having a termination as the resulting regret may impact your relationship anyway.
Hopefully he will get his head back in the game.

Your husband is catastrophizing. Tell him to get a grip and not be so negative. Look at the positives, a child is a blessing who will bring love and joy to your lives. Congradulations by the way!

I don’t think he’s unreasonable to be upset and worried about no.3. It becomes difficult when you both seem to want different things. There are a lot of people that plan for 2 based on finances. Hypothetically, if I had an accident we’d be in a head v heart situation about what to do as we’ve made plans around 2. For me personally, the head would say terminate but the heart would want to keep the baby. At the moment, he may be in the ‘head’ space as he’s not got that connection and just seeing the downsides.

Three kids here, 9,7& 3. Hardest was going from 1-2 not 2-3. the youngest gets dragged to swimming and hobbies but he is fine used to it. The hardest think for me now ( single
Mum as well) is the bloody paperwork and dates for a Pre school and 2 at main school it's bloody never ending and as someone else said I am spread thinly over the three some times.
It's great fun though I love a full busy house and we always have plenty on I knew at 2 I wasn't ready to stop the baby stage and the two eldest growing up gave my anxiety that I wouldn't have it again so along came number three. No more though I'm done three is perfect for me busy but fun. If I can't afford something it doesn't happen memories are worth more than flights / holidays / meals out etc

Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply. I woke up this morning to all your messages and really, they have helped no end.

A couple of thoughts, with the benefit of a surprise DC3(who is now adored by all).

How long since you found out? We have a big age gap, and both considered whether continuing with the pregnancy was the right thing to do. It took a while for the news to settle. I’d say I got my head around it sooner, he did come round in the end and all has been fine. He was supportive though and understood that I would find it hard not to go through with the pregnancy.

In terms of cost, yes, can see that more expenses are a big impact. Is it, sacrifice a few luxuries territory, or is it, devastating impact on existing children scenario? If life still looks pretty decent with 3, although less money for the finer things, it’s a completely different decision to..... we can’t afford to feed us all.

3 is brilliant.
And it sounds like your dh is not seeing the whole picture outside of money costs

To be honest it actually doesn't cost heaps more - especially if you are already in the mode of paying for the other two!

He sounds a little immature and self cantered (impact on his hobbies .... ) hope you can get a resolution

We had 3 under 4 (ended up having 5 in all). All girls, so shared a room, handed down clothes, and so on. It was lovely. Of course some things do cost more for another person, but you just go with it. I wouldn't give her up (or any of them).

I agree with a pp. If your DH was that worried about another pregnancy he should have had the snip
This sort of response really annoys me. We have no idea how OP got pregnant. It might very well be no accident. They might have discussed it and he might have said he only wanted two before. Considering how happy OP seems to be and clearly not wanting a termination, it wouldn't be surprising if even if it really was an accident, he didn't believe it.

In the end, it all comes down to what they've discussed before, about how many children they wanted, what happened if there was an accident. They might have agreed to a termination then, in which case, why would he have insisted on him getting the snip?

It happened to my colleague, same situation. He was always suspicious that the pregnancy wasn't really an accident, but he found out that his suspicions had been correct when after a boozy night, his wife's best friend let it slip that she'd deliberately stopped the pill and had planned to lie about it because she knew he would never had agreed.

He never got over the betrayal and left her. Worse, he struggles to bond with the third child. He knows it's not his fault, but he can't let go and is in counselling for it.

I really hope OP that your OH will come around, but it is not fair to dismiss his feelings. Him not wanting you to go ahead with this pregnancy can be as strong as your wish to do so. Yours don't tromp over his. You really need to talk and support each other.

I have 3. My eldest is going to be 4 soon, youngest is almost 5 months. I don't regret it at all and don't know anyone who does. Think he is lying to subtly convince you to have an abortion? Does he want a 3rd?
I think he's making shit up.

The thing that sticks out to me here is that he's worried about his hobbies. Other concerns are legit but hobbies?? Come on bud. His hobbies do not trump your right to choose whether to keep a baby already conceived.

I found 2-3 extremely difficult, however I had left a DV relationship when pregnant with 3 (he’s not the father of the elder 2), solo parented from the get go and #3 was in NICU with sepsis, and then had serious digestive issues due to the antibiotics given, meaning she didn’t sleep more than 2 hours for the first 12 months, was sick a lot, had runny poo constantly so lots of extra washing etc.

However. She is fucking amazing, I adore her just as much as my other two, the three of them have a brilliant bond, and I remain glad that I chose to continue the pregnancy despite being under masses of pressure to terminate due to my ExH.

I think it depends on how you are coping now. I know a lot of people who fell apart having a third child. Equally I know a lot who breezed through it.

He says he just wants to focus on the two he has and doesn't want to add another to that equations, he's worried they'll be something wrong and the impact it will have on the family. He says he agreed to two. I always said that if we conceived by accident then we should keep it
T. He's never wanted 3 but accidents happen.

In our family, we never planned to have more than one. Dh really wanted a second, but I didn't. When I fell pregnant by accident, I felt I couldn't have an abortion.

It is grossly unfair of the pp to assume that the op might have planned this and tricked her DH into an unwanted pregnancy because she doesn't want an abortion and is quite happy about it, now it's happened. As I say, I never wanted a second, but when I found out we were expecting, I felt differently.

And some people are sure they couldn't go through with an abortion under any circumstances. It is such personal choice. To say that because a woman doesn't feel she wants to do that means she probably planned it all along is mindblowingly unkind and thick.

Apparently we're supposed to be stopping after two now, and one (or none) is even better. Apparently our children won't live beyond their middle age because the end is nigh. We've managed to wreck the planet and it's end of days. Check Sunday's Guardian.

Apparently our children won't live beyond their middle age because the end is nigh

Link please.

He should have had a vasectomy then shouldn’t he.

Dickhead.

Can you get some legal advice as to what you can do if he leaves you? Does the country you’re in complicate it?