Is having 3 really that bad?

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Just found out I'm pregnant with child #3. Is having 3 really that bad. My husband says people tell him three is really hard and they regret it all the time. At every stage. For me I've never had people regretting; yes a lot of work and energy. Not sure what we'll decide to do but I just need some other people's perspective!

Our third was the easiest of all - I can’t imagine not having him in the mix. It’s too late for your husband to moan about having 3 and not on for him to pressure you. He’s as responsible for the pregnancy as you are; he sounds mean and I’d tell him to stop moaning, accept the baby or you’ll end up splitting up which will cost him even more.

I've got three, ages 8, 6 and 2. It's hard but then I dont think parenting is a walk in the park anyway!!!

I found it hardest when I went back to the newborn stage with waking every 3 hrs! We'd totally got out of walking in the night and it was a real shock to the system! Now the only thing which is difficult is my 2yr old wanting to do the same things as the other 2 but not understanding why he cant cos hes too little!!!

Only other thing to think of is the ages you have you will probably need a new car as there are very few that fit 3 car seats across the back properly!

We’ve recently gone from 2 to 3. Definitely the easiest transition. No regrets here - I am loving life as a family of 5! Had to buy a new car as our old Audi a2 was too narrow for 3 car seats but we’ve only changed it to a Prius so it’s still a 5 seater, and the air con actually works so that’s a bonus for everyone!

It’s still early days but apart from the car and a new drying rack (which we needed anyway!) we have literally spent nothing on this baby. But we kept all the baby stuff just in case. Sounds like you probably got rid of it if not planning a third?

I really feel for you OP. Not an easy situation. I was lucky that dh was super keen for a third - can’t imagine doing it if he wasn’t on board. Hope you can come to a decision that you both feel peaceful about - otherwise I can imagine this leading to lifelong resentment.

I have 3. I found 0-1 hardest of all tbh! It is hard right now as no.3 is a toddler so demands a lot of attention so I feel like I’m leaving1 & 2 to get on with it a little bit, but aside from that it’s fine! I love my bonus baby (he wasn’t planned either!).

@imnotsureaboutdinosaurs I think it's because going from one child with one set of needs and no sibling interaction is very different from going from already more than one baby to yet another baby if that makes sense.

As many parents find having 2 children to juggle instead of one is a brand new experience again, whereas once you have done that once, you know how sibling dynamics work, are used to having routines involving more than one child etc. I see the phrase "slotted right in" used a lot when referring to third children.

Plus the older children have each other around which can also be a blessing I think, as they can play with each other. I found it difficult to play with my 18 month old DD when pregnant but now I'm pregnant with my third, my 2 year old son has his big sister to play with, for example.

It’s too late for your husband to moan about having 3 and not on for him to pressure you. He’s as responsible for the pregnancy as you are; he sounds mean and I’d tell him to stop moaning, accept the baby or you’ll end up splitting up which will cost him even more.

Actually I agree with this and op who said if you can’t terminate without hating him you can’t terminate. Pressuring you to have a termination if that’s not what you want is not ok

@imnotsureaboutdinosaurs for me my first was a shock to the system, I was quite lonely and isolated as I didn't know anyone else with a baby. Second had CMPA and cried non-stop for months and months, he's lovely but hard work. Third is a total dream, she is really content and a good sleeper. So I think it's probably circumstance, but I've found the third has just slotted in and it a breeze compared to the first two. It is three lots of work, but I was so used to the baby stage by the time my third came along that it doesn't seem like much hassle.

Op it’s your body so don’t do anything you don’t want to do at all and a baby outweighs most cons but when you said he only has a package that covers medical car/education for 2 children, can you afford the medical fees/school fees for the 3rd?

I have a nearly 6 and a half year old, a just turned 4 year old and a 6 month old. I have loved this time around so much more, I have deff found it different each time. And easier, is not the right word, but it kinda is as you know what your doing and you know that certain phases do not last forever. Me and DH decided to have a 3rd, so that makes it easier. It sounds like your DH just isn't sure about having a 3rd. Once there here it just all falls into place! Good luck, and congrats!!!

But whatever you do, do not terminate if that isn’t what you want to do

I won’t lie I find 3 really stressful sometimes. I feel me and DP are outnumbered. I also feel like there’s always one child left out.

I might of found it less stressful if it wasn’t for the small age gap between my 2nd and 3rd, found out I was pregnant when DC2 was 8 weeks old. 😳 thanks works Christmas party

It's really not ok to force someone to have a third child they dont want but that's a moot point now. If you just wanted to try for a third and he didn't then everyone would be telling you that you cannot get pregnant against his wishes etc. But you're already pregnant, so he's now in the position where he doesn't get a choice. No one should terminate if it's not what they want; some people can get over it but some cant so you just need to decide

It seems like having the child could mean the end of your marriage. You cannot force him to stay and be happy about it. But he cannot force you to terminate. Rock and a hard place.

it’s fine, you know what you’re doing, you’re well practised & nowhere near as hard as going from none to one. Things are more expensive tho.

I wonder how many people posting on here have children with health problems, additional needs, etc, and I also wonder how much help they have from family - personally that changes my view on having more. If we had family support and children without any additional needs or health problems I would have been very tempted by no.3. As it stands, no way - my children already need more of me than I can give. I have no idea what we would do if I accidentally fell pregnant.

We have three. Two then nearly 6 years then bonus baby.

Easy right up to toddler years, now he is a bit of a pain in the arse. We adore him though. In some ways my head regrets having him, we have set ourselves back 5 years, I'm not getting enough sleep, we need another bedroom etc. But I would never go as far as to say "I regret him". Because he is the apple of our eyes, he's brought so much love and happiness and chaos to our lives.

I don't know how I would cope if dh had been against him coming along though. I mean, we never set out for a third (I had a coil fitted) but there was never a moment that he wasn't excited/certain about him. I probably wavered more.

He needs to grow up and face the reality of the situation. If it was that important to him to not have a third child, he should've made certain the two of you were taking all the precautions necessary (up and and maybe even including him having the snip) to ensure that it wasn't a possibility.

A little concern and shock at an unexpected development, I can understand, but you husband would be a crappy parent if he'd resent his third child after s/he were born.

Plenty of people have three and are fine. I'm sorry he's making this difficult for you.

I've just had baby number 3 and I'm on my own.

The best part is my middle child who is 3 is besotted with his new brother. Makes it worth it. My eldest is 10.

Wouldn't change it for the world.

If he had been very anti a third I probably would have aborted. Because I had no strong feelings either way, but love my husband and our kids love us...I wouldn't have sacrificed that.

My 3rd was so easy compared to second but I did have a bigger age gap (5 yrs vs 2yrs)

I don't think it's more difficult when they're babies but I find it hard now juggling needs with the bigger age gap. I wouldn't be without my baby though. (She's 6 now lol)

I'm a single parent of 3.

In my opinion it depends on number 3's temperament. In my case dc1 was very high maintenance while dc2 was textbook. dc3 had reflux and colic which made it hard as a baby but he's super laid back and didn't go through terrible twos/threenager at all.

I found 1-2 a doddle but 2-3 quite hard. But dc2 has some additional needs which obviously impacts. When dc3 was a baby it was easy enough but now they’re a terrible two it’s much harder. Wouldn’t swap for the world tho (I say that after a )

The three of them are a little wolf pack and they do play together (and fight plenty too). Money is tight but you just adapt- it’s a good life lesson for the dc. I was an only and I’d easily choose a full house over a huge pile of presents any day. Congratulations op (your oh will get used to it)

Having 1 is bad enough

I find having 3 really really difficult and suffering terrible PND. I’ll be honest I wish I stopped at 2. I’m hoping it will get easier as the years go on hopefully, though I do love them all.

I had 3under 5s and tbh I didn't find it any harder than having a 2.

I should say there that my last statement is in reality because my husband is a lovely man, if I had been uncertain about him or the relationship I might have felt differently. But I respect his opinions and so would have listened and taken them into account.

I'm not sure I would feel that way in the OP's case.