to expect 11 month old to be sleeping through more by now?

[Faceache25]

I had hoped that by now DS would be sleeping through the night more often than not. Have recently done gradual retreat with him and he now seems to be self settling most of the time (as opposed to the cuddle/rocking to sleep we used to do), but he is still waking in the night and needing me to go in and help him back to sleep with some patting and shhing and dummy inserting, and sometimes we have a couple of hours of crying to boot. He has slept through on a few occasions so I know he can do it.

I thought the self settling was a magic wand to vanquish night waking, but obviously not! I am a single parent and am going back to work full time very soon and am not sure how I'm going to cope feeling this tired all the time .

Perhaps I'm being totally unrealistic in my expectations, and most 11 month olds still wake frequently..?

I put mine in with me when they woke in the night after I went back to work. It’s not for everyone but I needed sleep

Dd was 3.5 before she slept through reliably

Not in my experience....DS slept through the night for the first time when he was about 1yo and didn't start consistently sleeping through until 2yo (certainly not every night though - he is 2.5 now).

My 15 month old still wakes in the night. Sometimes just for a quick shh and a dummy, other times he's awake for an hour plus. My eldest slept through from about 10 months but was a very early riser. They're all so different and YANBU to have hoped he'd be sleeping through by now, but unfortunately there is no magic wand.

Do you have any family support? Someone to babysit while you catch a few hours sleep?

Mine were both 2. Sorry, op. Some babies just take a little more time.

I've tried bringing him in with me but he's not having it! He wants to be in his cot.

@LoisLittsLover - Urgh. Only another couple of years to go then.

Am seriously considering spending a very large amount of money on a sleep consultant, but am wondering if its my expectations that are wrong, rather than DS' sleep habits.

If you want to, you can get him to self settle during the night, the question is are you willing to listen to the protests while he adjusts to a new normal. A sleep consultant seems like a good option if you want some help with how to manage it

@jaseyraex thank you, I am very lucky and do have support, but I think its the thought of going back to work that is making me anxious at the minute. I am so so very tired all of the time, I don't sleep well anyway and find the extra disturbance at night hard to cope with. By the time I manage to get back to sleep DS wakes up again.

Neither of mine slept through reliably until they were 2.

I expect it's not hugely unusual, although not overly great to deal with and I do sympathise. My DD is 10mo and has always been a good sleeper, so frequent night wakings are thankfully unusual, although they do happen every so often and I always feel like I've been hit by a truck the next day!

I think sleeping through isn't really the goal so much as getting to a situation you are happy with. My DD sometimes sleeps through but more often wants a feed about 3. One wake-up is fine for me so I'm not really bothered about 'sleeping through'. It might be easier if you adjust your expectations to what would be workable and is maybe more feasible to start with, so perhaps reducing wakings rather than eliminating entirely, or cutting down on re-settling time.

But yes, I would personally not wish to be getting up multiple times a night with a baby that age and would be looking at other methods to cut down on night-wakings as being exhausted for months on end as well as working isn't really the life for me. Have you tried implementing any sleep training stuff for overnights or just at bedtimes?

@SeaToSki I think I am ready to listen to the protests - the book I am using for the gradual retreat method just focuses on the self settling as the cure all, it doesn't have much to say about continued night wakings.
Is it a case of leaving him to cry for a bit? I have tried this but he just ramps up after ten minutes and then is harder to settle back.

Its your expectations, some babies are sleeping through by 11 months but most arent. It's really really tough but theres not a huge amount you can do about it other than find ways to cope with it.
I sympathise, both of mine woke frequently until they were 2 and didn't reliably sleep through until school age really. Got better gradually though and I just adjusted my life to cope with it.
It feels like its forever now when you're right in the middle of it but it's a short time really. Good luck

Also if he's crying anyway for a couple of hours overnight, I'd be tempted to try something like CC if more gentle stuff isn't working. You'll get some hysterical responses about CC on here, but if he's awake for two hours in the night crying anyway then you might as well try to make them productive.

Yeah DS didn't sleep through until he was 4.5 and started school. He was unusually tricky, but 11months is very early to be sleeping through. For your sanity, adjust your expectations and instead do whatever leads to the most sleep for you (for us it was co-sleeping)

DD is 17 months and waking up once is a very good night for us, it's more often 2-3 times. Last night she was up for 2 hours at 2am.

So, in my experience, yes YABU - doesn't make it any easier though!

@Celebelly not really tried anything overnight as I'm not sure what I should be doing. I have stopped picking him up during the night unless he is really crying, I try to settle him back with dummy and a pat.

I'm starting to wonder whether the dummy is now causing more problems than it's solving, though he has found and reinserted himself on occasion so I know he can do it.

Have you tried scattering numerous dummies in the cot so he is more likely to find one when he loses it? I think they can cause more problems than they solve though, especially at this interim stage where they still need your help to get it.

It's shit, but the whole sleeping through thing is a myth for most until their kids are far older. It's like a crappy urban legend.

Mine is 2.5yrs and has only just started sleeping through 7-10hr stretches in the past few months.

Most friend's kids are the same.

I had one who slept through from about three months and one who still doesn’t at 18 months. Both got the same treatment

Also is he still getting a night feed? Again my ds would still have a bottle of milk at 11pm until around 18m old.

I think it wildly varies too. Of the four of us in my NCT group with babies between 9-11 months, all are either sleeping through or down to one night waking, bar the odd bad night. But ask a different group of people and you'll find the opposite! And sometimes babies sleep through then they stop for a while, then they sleep through again, etc.

I find this thread very reassuring, as my DS is 17 months and this week has been waking every 30-60 mins for milk (sleeps with me and still breastfed). Usually he wakes 2-3 times a night, but it’s ridiculous at the moment; I’m assuming teeth. Anyway we had wondered if putting him in his own room would help but I’m not convinced it would if others also having problems

My 3 year old doesn’t sleep through the night. My 8 and 5 year olds do - the 8 year old was about 3, the 5 year old was 13 months.

I wouldn’t expect an 11 month old to reliably sleep through the night

Green bags. Forgot them

Many dummies are scattered about his head! He has at least six in with him every night.

I'm reassured that perhaps he's not that unusual from these posts, thanks everyone. Looking for info on various forums there seem to be lots of parents with babies that slept through from early on - I get worried I'm doing something wrong as DS is nowhere near it .