to expect 11 month old to be sleeping through more by now?

[Faceache25]

I had hoped that by now DS would be sleeping through the night more often than not. Have recently done gradual retreat with him and he now seems to be self settling most of the time (as opposed to the cuddle/rocking to sleep we used to do), but he is still waking in the night and needing me to go in and help him back to sleep with some patting and shhing and dummy inserting, and sometimes we have a couple of hours of crying to boot. He has slept through on a few occasions so I know he can do it.

I thought the self settling was a magic wand to vanquish night waking, but obviously not! I am a single parent and am going back to work full time very soon and am not sure how I'm going to cope feeling this tired all the time .

Perhaps I'm being totally unrealistic in my expectations, and most 11 month olds still wake frequently..?

17 month old dd still wakes 6+ times a night, if you figure out the trick please let me know!!

My son started sleeping through at 16 months.

@Andysbestadventure no night feed usually, but this last week has been particularly bad (has had a cold) so have been giving him a bottle to try and settle him, which has actually worked, though he still woke up again.

Just imagine what life would be like if you had rocked and cuddled to sleep every night.

Also to add I did not do any sleep training. 16 months is just when he was ready. I always gave cuddles and resigned myself to the possibility of doing this for a few years. Basically what I'm saying is I know you're tired, but sometimes they're not just ready yet.

@Platypusmama that is a lot of wakings. Have you thought about a sleep consultant at all? The price has been putting me off but to be honest if it actually worked I'd pay double!

Mines 14 months, old recently started sleeping through and it's still not every night, seems pretty normal most of my friends who have babies around this age they aren't sleeping through reliably either

@MsChatterbox you may well be right, I probably need to just power through it. I find the tiredness and broken sleep really has a negative impact on my mood. Have struggled with feeling quite low since DS was born anyway, and think I am focusing on his sleep as the thing to 'fix' to make everything better.

A sleep consultant is someone to hold your hand while you leave your baby to cry in variations of the same method. She's still very little and will get there when she's ready. We're the only mammals desperate to shut our children away to sleep alone for 12 hours.

YABVU

'We're the only mammals desperate to shut our children away to sleep alone for 12 hours.'

Probably because dogs, mice, and cats don't have to go to work to earn money every day to keep their child clothed and with a roof over their heads. Like it or not, society has evolved in a way that often isn't conducive to the idyll of sharing a bed and having a baby hanging off your boob, waking you up hourly every night. if you can stay at home and have no other commitments and responsibilities and just sleep whenever you like in a 24-hour cycle, great. But most people have to get on with life, and that means driving a car, going to work, etc. That's just the way life is. OP is a single parent who needs to go back to work to earn money. What do you suggest she does?

DS is 10.5 months and wakes anything from three times (least amount) to hourly. I can't imagine a night of sleeping though.

I've heard these magical babies exist but I think it's common for little ones to still wake.

My LO is 14 months and not sleeping through either, he is getting there but just slowly. I was worried about returning to work as well but I've survived, but I was also really anxious about it so I know how you feel. My little boy needs a bottle to settle back to sleep despite never feeding to sleep when he first goes to bed or for naps so I think he actually needs the milk, he's never been a great eater but since his appetites started to improve he's down to waking only once. I'm sure you've been through all of this but is his room pitch black and could he be too hot or cold? It is so tough and I sympathise! But it will definitely not last forever!

Miner's two and she still wakes once or twice a night. She's never been a terrible sleeper, though. I think that the best advice I have ever heard about sleep is that it is all phases and today's good sleeper may be next month's waker.

*mine

I don't have a child called Miner

Look, I totally understand that it's a biological norm for babies not to sleep through. But that doesn't fit in with how most of us have to live our lives to actually, you know, afford to have children in the first place. A lot of women have to go back to work, sometimes full time (and this is why sleep training is more popular in America, as most women only get, at most, three months off work, and it's unpaid), and waking up numerous times a night and then getting behind the wheel to drive to work is incredibly dangerous. Sleep deprivation is like torture, and when you have someone in OP's position who is a single parent who has to go back to work, sometimes you have limited options.

I'm sure there's a lot to be said about problems with a societal system that means this is the case, but given that's the current situation we have to live with, there's not much point in hand-wringing about it. If someone is on their own and back at work, then if they're up multiple times a night or spending hours a night trying to get a baby back to sleep, then that is going to have ramifications in a number of ways, such as safety to drive, perform work tasks, mental health, etc. In an ideal world we would just live 'like mammals' and be entirely baby-led for the first four years of life, but that isn't feasible for a large number of people and sometimes sleep training is the lesser of two evils compared to the ongoing effects of sleep deprivation on physical and mental health.

Every child is different. Sounds like we're about at the same stage as you. Except she doesn't settle herself at night. And shes 3 in Feb. You're doing well.

thanks @lifesbetteraftertea. I have tried to just wait it out and hope DS slowly improves himself but we don't seem to have made any improvements on the night wakings in months! He has a blacked out room, pretty good nap and bedtime routine, white noise, is not too warm or cold I don't think, and currently has a humidifier to help with blocked nose.

@Celebelly yes that's how I feel. I can cope, just about, at the moment while not working, but I need to be able to function at work and do my job. In my current state I'm not sure how capable I am.

Urgh. This to shall pass, right??!

Thank you @cheesemumma . I hope you get some long sleeps soon.

All three of mine were older before they slept through. Then DS1 liked to wake between 4am and 5am for a couple of years!

YABU My DS didn’t sleep through till he was about 8 and started to swim 4 times a week.

I think you were reasonable to hope, because it's very much within normal parameters for an 11 month old to sleep through the majority of the time. Unfortunately so is what you describe! As others have said, wild variation.

OP CC is your friend. It saved my sanity. It meant I was no longer a zombie and could actually function in the daytime. I went back to work when LO was 7 months and from then until I did CC I was a wreck.

I didn't have a dummy so don't know if that makes any difference.

Listening to the cries was worth it for 3 nights and he's slept through since then (unless ill or teething).

My dd was end of 2/3 before she slept through. I’m pretty convinced teething was, if not the culprit, the thorn in her side. Plus any odd viruses.

In fairness neither myself or DP ‘sleep through’ either so coming to the conclusion it may be too much to expect our child to wasn’t unreasonable in itself really.

It’s a wounder when you’re living it though

My 3 year old still isn’t sleeping through