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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect 11 month old to be sleeping through more by now?

100 replies

Faceache25 · 08/12/2019 15:44

I had hoped that by now DS would be sleeping through the night more often than not. Have recently done gradual retreat with him and he now seems to be self settling most of the time (as opposed to the cuddle/rocking to sleep we used to do), but he is still waking in the night and needing me to go in and help him back to sleep with some patting and shhing and dummy inserting, and sometimes we have a couple of hours of crying to boot. He has slept through on a few occasions so I know he can do it.

I thought the self settling was a magic wand to vanquish night waking, but obviously not! I am a single parent and am going back to work full time very soon and am not sure how I'm going to cope feeling this tired all the time Sad.

Perhaps I'm being totally unrealistic in my expectations, and most 11 month olds still wake frequently..?

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 08/12/2019 17:32

That's great if you have managed self settling. We didn't do sleep training at night but gave both of ours a drink if they woke up. They both started sleeping through from 18 months.

firstimemamma · 08/12/2019 17:33

Mine slept through once a week or so from 10-12 months. Once he turned 1 it became every night (I did no form of sleep training though - lots of cuddles / feeding to sleep and comforting, going in to see him every time he wanted me). Every baby is different.

lau888 · 08/12/2019 17:35

It depends on how you define "sleeping through". For a baby, that's actually just 5-6 hours. A baby or toddler may wake several times, sleep lightly, and has different sleep cycles to an adult.

So, if you were hoping for around 5 hours by now, YANBU. If you meant putting them to bed circa 7 pm and not getting disturbed until at least sunrise, YABU. IMO, my kids didn't "sleep through" in a grown-up way until around 4 years old.

The only practical thing I can suggest depends on how you're feeding your baby. If you're breastfeeding, you could try switching to mixed feeding at nighttime. Formula milk takes longer to digest than breastmilk - hunger is one of the (many) reasons why small children wake up through the night. (Even if you're co-sleeping, and baby is able to latch on independently for breastmilk, they'll still disturb your sleep.) If you're already formula feeding, or it's not right for your family, I have no helpful suggestions - sorry! x

Unhappyvegan · 08/12/2019 17:38

DS is almost 4 and we've had 2 weeks of him sleeping through reliably, I'm really hoping this is it now!

DD was sleeping through more often than not from 10 weeks. Until the 8 month sleep regression, she's done it once since and is now 11 months.

kateybeth79 · 08/12/2019 17:44

DD was 6 before she slept through. She's now almost 8 and has started waking again with nightmares 😩

Emmacb82 · 08/12/2019 17:46

Mine is 3 and a half and still doesn’t reliably sleep through. Most of the time he wakes for reassurance that I’m still there as I do night shifts and typically he sleeps through those ones! It’s a quick walk back to bed now and tuck him in and he goes to sleep.
His sleep improved when we got rid of his dummy when he was two. He used to throw them out of the cot for attention so once that was gone he tended to sleep better.
I used to get very stressed about it, especially as a nurse I need to have decent sleep. But as soon as I accepted that this was just what he was like and it wouldn’t last forever, mentally I dealt with it a lot better. Personally I wouldn’t pay out for a sleep consultant, I would say it’s pretty normal for this age x

Original poster
Faceache25 · 08/12/2019 17:53

Am already formula feeding so haven't got that to try unfortunately. I don't think hes hungry, he just needs some reassurance I suppose.

Have thought about CC crying but don't think I'm at that stage yet, really glad to hear it helped you though @Teachermaths.

OP posts:
Original poster
Faceache25 · 08/12/2019 17:54

I accept that IABU, pretty clear vote!

OP posts:
ArthurMorgan · 08/12/2019 17:56

My 5 year old is hit and miss with sleeping through 🙄

ThebishopofBanterbury · 08/12/2019 17:56

I'm sorry to say that my son was 3 when he started to sleep through the night. At least your 11 month old sleeps through sometimes, mine never did. There's too many variables when they are young, and teething is a major sleep upset.

SugarThreat · 08/12/2019 17:59

My 5 year old wakes 1-2 times a night. He sleeps through now and then but it's rare. Even my 7 year old comes in at night maybe once a week. YABU OP, sorry! I sometimes get frustrated about it but my mum says I was the same and so was my sister - my friends kids don't sleep through either.

ThebishopofBanterbury · 08/12/2019 17:59

The fact that he's sleeping through sometimes is a great sign though! It shows that he will get there eventually so keep your chin up

Confusedbeetle · 08/12/2019 18:01

You are on the right track and gradual withdrawal is the way forward but it is slow so be patient. Are you also doing it in the day for nap time? If your baby learns to self soothe to sleep for a nap and also at bedtime the nights will ort themselves out. If you have to go in do as little as possible. The gradual withdrawal method works well here. eg a back stroking and soothing becomes a still hand on week 2, the next week sit on the chair but noo touching, then move the chair away from the cot and just a few soothing noises until you are on the landing and just speak to him/her. Occasionally you may hve to allow a little cry for a few mins for the very last bit. It keeps thibgs calm and a moany cry is much easier to cope with than an ear splitting screams

Confusedbeetle · 08/12/2019 18:02

No need for any night feed but porridge before bed can be helpful

Shufflebumnessie · 08/12/2019 18:44

DS has only regularly started sleeping through the night and he's 7! Shock He was a horrendous sleeper and would regularly wake every 40 minutes for the first 3 years. I'm not sure how we made it through.
DD is 2 and she still wakes once a night at least a couple of times a week.

inlectorecumbit · 08/12/2019 18:47

DD2 first slept through the night on the night before her 5th birthday !

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/12/2019 19:00

Dummies can be a hindrance unless he reliably puts one himself.

You need to wait a few mins before going in, settling at bedtime is not the same as settling back to sleep in the night, the drive to sleep is reduced.

If you still have to go in, do as little as possible to resettle - try not to pick up.

Dont worry. He will get there soon.

BecauseReasons · 08/12/2019 19:11

A lot of people on forums etc will be likely defining 'sleeping through' in a way that's not 'put them down at 7, leave alone for 12 hours'. I say DD is sleeping through, despite waking 2-3 times a night, because usually I can settle her again once she wakes and because I frequently wake up in the night too, for water or the toilet or even just to worry about work for a couple of minutes... Seems pretty unrealistic to expect that my eighteen month old will be able to manage it when I can't.

Unhappyvegan · 08/12/2019 19:44

BecauseReasons I think most people define sleeping through as not needing parental intervention in the night. So yes they may wake up but they can put themselves back to sleep without disrupting others.

Original poster
Faceache25 · 08/12/2019 19:58

@Confusedbeetle I have been doing it for all naps and bedtimes. For the last three days I have been able to just put him in the cot and walk away. Which is great progress but has not translated into less night wakings.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland have been trying to get him more independent with his dummy. Tonight I left the dummies next to him in the cot and he grabbed one and put it in himself!

The boy does not have a tooth in his head so I don't think the issue has been teething.

OP posts:
Original poster
Faceache25 · 08/12/2019 20:00

I think of sleeping through the night as the period from 10pm to 6ish. Corresponding to my sleep time. 7 to 7 would be the dream but I certainly don't expect that.

OP posts:
doadeer · 08/12/2019 20:01

Op how many times does he wake?

lboogy · 08/12/2019 20:05

You're not alone. At 18 months my D.C sleeps through sometimes , other times not. There's no rhyme or reason to it . I second sleeping with your D.C. if you have support I'd go and drop him off with someone and sleep all afternoon.
I'm back at work and the exhaustion has gotten to me. I booked and extra day at nursery so I could go home and sleep.

Original poster
Faceache25 · 08/12/2019 20:08

@doadeer at least twice. Last two weeks has been a lot more (every hour on a very bad night) and sometimes with a couple of hours of being awake and unhappy in the early hours.

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 08/12/2019 20:56

I found with both of mine, they got into habits really easily. I think your baby's habit is to self settle at first but presumably he has his dummy then and knows if he wakes up in the night that you will come and get it. It's a question of breaking this habit. And that's always brutal. You can stick it out til he is old enough to sort himself out, or have three terrible nights where you do controlled crying or sit with him but dont touch him etc and then hopefully sleep better after that. I used a sleep consultant she was amazing but it was nothing ground breaking, I found she just gave me he confidence to sleep train and follow it through when it was difficult