to expect 11 month old to be sleeping through more by now?

[Faceache25]

I had hoped that by now DS would be sleeping through the night more often than not. Have recently done gradual retreat with him and he now seems to be self settling most of the time (as opposed to the cuddle/rocking to sleep we used to do), but he is still waking in the night and needing me to go in and help him back to sleep with some patting and shhing and dummy inserting, and sometimes we have a couple of hours of crying to boot. He has slept through on a few occasions so I know he can do it.

I thought the self settling was a magic wand to vanquish night waking, but obviously not! I am a single parent and am going back to work full time very soon and am not sure how I'm going to cope feeling this tired all the time .

Perhaps I'm being totally unrealistic in my expectations, and most 11 month olds still wake frequently..?

@TheStatsDontLie I didn't really think of that but yes that could be what's happening. I keep toying with the idea of going cold turkey with the dummy but haven't had the guts so far.

Would you mind saying who your sleep consultant was?

Mine was sleeping through, 7-7 with an 11pm dream feed, from 9 weeks but I was militant. I’d say that’s fairly rare though but I followed Gina Ford to the letter. Controlled nap times, no stimulation during the night when she did wake during the first 9 weeks, feeding only at specific times, no feeding on demand. She was hard work during the day though and still can be (age 5) but has always been a terrific sleeper and I think it’s down to routine.
Any of my friends who followed a routine have children who all sleep though by 11 months, those who didn’t/don’t still struggle now with 3/5/6 year olds etc.

@OoohTheStatsDontLie We do have a routine now but didn't initially. He was un-put-downable for the first two months and would only sleep on me so had to work on that for a long time.

Mine didn't sleep the night consistently until they dropped their naps. So it varied between 2.5 and 3.5

My ds is 17 months and sleeps through maybe 1 -2 a week if I’m lucky. Most nights he is up 1-2.
My older ds didn’t sleep through until he started school.

Oh the dummy. Just put it on a chain. They learn really quickly how to locate it. I put it on a chain at about 4 months and they were able to find it themselves after a couple nights. One less reason to wake me

Yes, by 11 months I would expect a child to be sleeping all night. I know my two did (by 6 and 7 months) as did the children of all my friends and family. Just one friend at work still has an 18 month old who still wakes once or twice a night and I honestly can't see why she puts up with it!

My DC woke up most nights until they were 2. Then maybe 50% until around 2.5. The quickest way to settle would be a small bottle. I know some people are against this but if it meant going back to sleep quicker they could have whatever they wanted.

My dd was well in to her 3rd year before she slept through. My niece was 7..........

7??!

I've paid for two sleep consultants. Honestly all it boils down to with these 'trickier' babies is crying it out (which I didn't do)
We did gradually retreat and got to the stage of her placed in cot awake at 11 months and me standing shushing outside the door. It didn't stop the night wakes all together and a shush for ten seconds out the door didn't cut it.
It wasn't for me so now (I know you don't have a partner) my DH goes into her room for her inevitable 1am wake up and his he sleeps in a double bed right next to her cot. Then she wakes ''properly'' at 4 and asks for milk so DH gets back into our bed in our room and I breastfeed her back to sleep and she stays in the double with me. It's not perfect but the last trick we had available was letting her cry and cry and cry over a few nights until she realised that crying in the night brought her no comfort. That wasn't an option we were happy with.
Having him next to your bed so you can hand hold / shush/ pat may be the best option if you don't want to CIO

All I've ever seen in real life or heard on here indicates that the babies that sleep through (and I mean the 12 hour full sleep through) are the ones that have done controlled crying, apart from the odd miracle sleepers who didn't need it. If you don't do controlled crying then most 11 month olds don't sleep through, no. I think your mental health, happiness, enjoyment of motherhood and ability to function at work are worth a few nights of crying. It is horrible but they are completely fine in the morning and they don't remember anything. You are able to be a happier healthier mother which is good for them and most importantly, which is what made me finally decide to do it, they also massively benefit from being well rested and not spending years having broken sleep. Good luck.

Sorry reading my message back it sounds a little cold or judging of people that don't want to do CC. I totally understand why people don't want to do it, it does feel awful and contrary to all instincts. But on balance I still think it is definitely worth it for all involved.

My eldest slept through after CC at 12m. My second didn’t until 18m. They are all different. You’ll get there.

Josephinebettany

Put a dummy on a chain?! Are you kidding?! Strangulation!! Don’t do that OP. Just put a few in the cot.

They also massively benefit from being well rested and not spending years having broken sleep

CC teaches them not to bother crying when they wake up in the night. AFAIK it doesn't actually reduce the frequency of waking, though I'm happy to be corrected on that. Most adults will wake a few times a night anyway before dropping off to sleep again.

I found a quote recently from someone raised in a foundling hospital decades ago, 'We soon stopped crying. You do, when you know no one will come.'

www.google.com/amp/s/www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/last-foundling-speaks-out-life-3394045.amp

Just because they stop crying when they're left doesn't mean it no longer upsets them.

There was a study wasn't there that found even when they no longer bother crying their stress hormone levels still rise.
DD is nearly 4 and she'll still cry out on the odd night and I'll pop in and stroke her hair and reassure her. They're babies, sometimes they wake up alone and feel afraid. When mine were younger and waking more often I went to bed earlier, napped when I could, drank more coffee at work. It's a short period of time in the grand scheme of things.

My dc was 4 before she slept through and kept sleeping through. One year she woke every night at 2 and 4.

I’m still waiting for my 9 year old to sleep through 🙈

This worried me massively when I went back to work with my first. DS1's record was 32 times in a night and it frequently hit 16 wake ups. I was pulling my hair out!

We did CC (don't hate me - I was desperate at the time!) which worked wonders. If you want the method we used, PM me and I'll send it over for you. Took two nights, but you need a heart of stone for those two nights!

He regressed at just over 2y; and we got a sleep fairy in to help with that. Totally different method, but it worked for him (no CC that time).

DS2 - slept through from 8 weeks. Total bliss!

Good luck OP!

My DD is 11 months and I started some CC on Friday. It’s something I never thought I’d do, and actually I have 4yo twin boys and didn’t do it with them, but I couldn’t take anymore. DD is breastfed, meaning she will only settle for me, and my husband works away quite a lot. I was starting to feel afraid to drive because I was so tired, and I was struggling to form proper sentences at work. I’m a teacher, so that’s a problem!

I left her for five minutes at a time. She didn’t do her proper upset cry. She cried intermittently, like she was annoyed that she wasn’t asleep yet. Every five minutes I went in, picked her up, calmed her, and put her back down. Tonight, she was upset when I put her down, so I put a hand on her tummy and she immediately settled. That’s a massive improvement for us, as prior to this she wouldn’t have calmed until I fed her.

The first night she slept through. Last night she woke once and settled herself, then woke again and I fed her, and then left her for five minutes at a time again, eventually settling her with one hand on her back.

I hate hearing her cry, and I had really hoped that her sleep would have naturally improved before this point, but I just couldn’t do it any more. For me, the biggest problem was that I would feed her to settle her, she would drift off to sleep, I’d put her down and she would immediately wake, so we’d do the whole thing over again. I was awake for hours at a time going through that process. If I brought her into bed with me she thought it was hilarious and would laugh and blow raspberries. I don’t know why I’m writing all this, except to try to explain why I had to try something new. I’m certain that she doesn’t think no one will come: she knows I will come eventually and she is an incredibly happy baby who is loved beyond measure. But for my own well-being, and for my family and my job, I had to start being a little more proactive in helping her sleep to improve.

If nothing improves for you OP DM me and I'll give you the name of our sleep consultant. We had to sleep train at 7 months because DS was an appalling sleeper from birth, and I was going out of my mind and on the verge of PND (still not really recovered tbh). I know it's not for everyone, but so far it seems to have worked. Who knows how long for.

I'm new to Mumsnet so apologies in advance if I don't reply asap if you do DM me as I might not see it for a while. I couldn't have gone back to work next spring with him still waking as frequently as he was.

I know you've already trained with one method, but it may be you need to try another. I'm personally glad we did it as it saved my sanity, but I know it's not for everyone.

Our DD is nearly 3 and she has ONLY JUST started sleeping through a whole night!

I have been doing it for all naps and bedtimes. For the last three days I have been able to just put him in the cot and walk away. Which is great progress but has not translated into less night wakings.

I don't think three days is long enough for the self settling to turn into no night wakings. We also did gradual retreat and he stopped waking in the night (mostly - he still does occasionally but then we know something isn't right) but I would say the whole process, from beginning to end, took about two weeks and self-settling to initial sleep wasn't the last bit. I'd carry on as you are for a week before deciding it hasn't worked.

Thanks for everyone's input and advice on this thread, I am going to see how this week goes and then make final decision on sleep consultant.