For giving cheques not cash

[RobynsMama]

I have a lot of cousins with kids and I like to give them a gift at Christmas. They live quite a distance from me and I don’t like getting gifts that are unwanted/won’t be used to I usually send money but in a cheque with the child’s name on it. I know it’s then gone into the child’s account, and less likely to get lost in the post etc.

These cheques always get deposited fine so there ls no issue there, all the kids have their own savings accounts etc. But I got this text today from one of my cousins and i just found it quite rude but I wanted to see if I’m overreacting.

“Hi,
I know you always give the kids money at Christmas and we really appreciate it but do you think you could just send cash not cheques this year, it’s a bit old fashioned and cash just makes it easier for the kids to spend it on what they want. Thanks!”

The kids are 5 and 2 so I understand the 5 year old maybe wants to actually go out and spend the money but not the 2 year old surely? I’m just worried it’ll go into her purse and the kids won’t have it then. I know she can get money out of the kids bank accounts to spend if she wants to but giving cash just seems a sure fire way to just give it straight to her.

For background, this cousin has form for borrowing money and not paying it back, has been in arrears with her rent but still finds money to go out clubbing and on holiday (without her kids) which is why I stuck with cheques even though other when my DD was born my family tend to put cash in cards for Christmas and birthdays (I’m the only one that does cheques)

I don’t want to stop giving gifts, but I’m honestly thinking about just saving money for them now (just the same amount as the other kids get) and gifting it when they turn 18. It seems like much less hassle but then I’ll be seen as a Scrooge, bc the other kids in my family will still be getting cheques at Christmas. I don’t know what to do for the best 😩

It's possible that her income is so low that if she deposits the cheque in her bank it will get eaten up by charges etc.

Send cash

you could send an uncrossed postal order quicker to cash than a cheque and safer than sending cash.

To be honest, so many people do online banking now, they probably don't live anywhere near a branch to pay cheques in.

Crisp banknotes are always excitedly received, so I'd suggest either that or vouchers.

Perhaps you could send them an Amazon eGift voucher if you've got an email address for them.

To repeat a PP - you can pay in cash (with card), cheques (with paying in slip) and withdraw cash (with card) from high street accounts at the post office. My nearest ASDA has one, very useful.
Vouchers are your friend!
www.postoffice.co.uk/everydaybanking

Bank transfers would be safer but it feels less like a gift?

True, but I don't think a 2 and 5 year old would feel that a cheque is a gift either.

I wouldn't bother anymore, they obviously view your gift as a payment they are expecting, how rude are they.

So if you care get the kids amazon or other gift vouchers but don't dare send them cash. To be honest I think the general rule should be, the minute a receiver of a gift dictates how, when, what or why withdraw the gift.

She could create an Amazon wish list for the children and you could get a gift from it sent directly to them, can have it arrive wrapped and with a message from you.

Cheques can still be paid into post offices for all major banks.

I have online banking with Lloyd's and you can take a photo of a cheque (up to £100) and using their online app you can deposit it there and then.

In your circumstances opp, I would send a voucher for a toy shop though.

That's so rude, she should just say thanks for the gift imo.

posting cash is really stupid. And whiny cousin describing cheques as 'old-fashioned' is equally so, especially as you suspect she's just taking the money.

Amazon is really expensive.

I would stop the gifts and tell whiny that you are building an account for the kids for when they are 18.

To be honest, so many people do online banking now, they probably don't live anywhere near a branch to pay cheques in

Well the OP has said she lives within spitting distance of 4 banks as does everyone who lives near a town or city which is most people I'd say. Anyway the OP knows where the cousin lives which is the only important address here.

Personally I'd be tempted to stop giving anything, a cousins children is quite remote imo unless you are super close which clearly isn't the case.

I’d stick to cheques, too easy for money or vouchers to go astray in the post. I’ve always been grateful to relatives who’ve sent my dds cheques, these parents sound incredibly rude.

😱the cheek of some people! I never ever use cash so it would actually be more inconvenient for me to go and get cash out than send a cheque, and if she doesn’t live near a bank branch she can post their cheques in.

I’m afraid a request like that would mean no further gifts from me.

Checks I think are better then cash. You can send one in the post, cash is not good to send in post. It will go in bank so not be spent flibbently. personally I prefer it.

Definitely don't send cash in the post! It could get lost, stolen. Vouchers maybe for a toy store or tesco. I would worry that they cash, cheque or vouchers wouldn't be getting to the child though.

What about an internet bank transfer. Much safer!

The gift is yours to give - tell her cash doesn't work for you.

I suspect you think she has asked for cash because she will be able to use it herself. At that age neither kids will be much aware of who's paid for what and how they've paid it. I sounds like you are a big family so they probably get plenty of toys from other folk. You are right to give cheques as an alternative for toys.

And um old fashioned? Cash has been around a lot longer than cheques ….

YANBU. Just tell her you know cheques are a pain but it's not safe putting cash or gift cards in the mail, they get nicked.

Cheques are annoying. Banks are never open. BUt it's still rude to ask. I'd do what I want. If the parents are not reliable then I'd make sure the kids were able to get the money themselves. One option is not to buy presents for cousins kids (I don't) or keep giving cheques or vouchers.

YANBU in this case but in general I hate cheques. Our local bank now has limited opening hours that coincide with mine and my husband's work hours so we cannot get into branch to pay them in. Can't pay in via an app either.

I'd stop sending anything to be honest.

Vouchers are also a pain if they are for a shop you don't often go to/don't use. I'd rather have a cheque and pay it in than trek round shops we don't really use to find something which is vaguely the right amount .

Just a nice card for them next year I think!

Although I would never send cash in the post I hate cheques, my in laws always send cheques and we rarely get chance to pay them in, so we end up giving our children the cash ourselves. We both work when banks are open, not near a bank, so can't even nip there during our lunch break, local banks aren't open weekends so it would involve a special trip to the nearest city. My parents do a bank transfer ahead of time into my account, I then withdraw the cash and pop it in an envelope to hand over with their card, much easier.

I love cheques now you just have to take a photo of them in the bank app.

But that message would annoy me and I’d consider not sending anything or giving vouchers.

I agree cheques are a pita. In terms of the hysteria over cash in the post, in some ways I'd rather lose £20 than risk someone shady having my bank account details. It really depends on how much you're posting.

All our banks locally have shut and most town rather than city banks aren't open on a Saturday.

Sorry but cheques are a massive PITA. And as a PP said, they're not even cleared funds till mid-January!

I got two vouchers for my birthday. First one I tried to spend in one shop but day it wasn,t working. tried in another shop still not working, third time it was ok. (But put me of buying that voucher.) 2nd Voucher there is no where in twon that takes it, So I have to go out of town. Also they have time limits on them. I looked at a cinema one and it was only vlid for 6 months. I am not impressed in general.