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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For giving cheques not cash

121 replies

RobynsMama · 08/12/2019 12:41

I have a lot of cousins with kids and I like to give them a gift at Christmas. They live quite a distance from me and I don’t like getting gifts that are unwanted/won’t be used to I usually send money but in a cheque with the child’s name on it. I know it’s then gone into the child’s account, and less likely to get lost in the post etc.

These cheques always get deposited fine so there ls no issue there, all the kids have their own savings accounts etc. But I got this text today from one of my cousins and i just found it quite rude but I wanted to see if I’m overreacting.

“Hi,
I know you always give the kids money at Christmas and we really appreciate it but do you think you could just send cash not cheques this year, it’s a bit old fashioned and cash just makes it easier for the kids to spend it on what they want. Thanks!”

The kids are 5 and 2 so I understand the 5 year old maybe wants to actually go out and spend the money but not the 2 year old surely? I’m just worried it’ll go into her purse and the kids won’t have it then. I know she can get money out of the kids bank accounts to spend if she wants to but giving cash just seems a sure fire way to just give it straight to her.

For background, this cousin has form for borrowing money and not paying it back, has been in arrears with her rent but still finds money to go out clubbing and on holiday (without her kids) which is why I stuck with cheques even though other when my DD was born my family tend to put cash in cards for Christmas and birthdays (I’m the only one that does cheques)

I don’t want to stop giving gifts, but I’m honestly thinking about just saving money for them now (just the same amount as the other kids get) and gifting it when they turn 18. It seems like much less hassle but then I’ll be seen as a Scrooge, bc the other kids in my family will still be getting cheques at Christmas. I don’t know what to do for the best 😩

OP posts:
StripeyDeckchair · 08/12/2019 13:02

All these people saying cheques are a pain to pay in - just post it to the bank. I have a standard letter I use.

I would post cash or vouchers - too much risk of theft.

To be honest I'd just send a Christmas card and that's it. Give the children money when you see them irrespective of time of year.

OrangeZog · 08/12/2019 13:02

YANBU about not wanting to send cash but I think YABU about wanting to save the money until they turn 18. I agree about just sending a token gift. Many places will gift wrap for you and send direct to save you duplicating any postage costs.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 08/12/2019 13:04

I absolutely detest cheques. Both my parents insist on sending them. I've asked them not to. My dad did manage to bank transfer for a recent child's birthday. Not my mum though! So 4 kids, and 2 adults. 6 birthdays per year. Plus christmas. Between 2 adults sending cheques. That's 14 bloody cheques a year. Branches locally have closed, so now have to go to town. And pay parking. Plus wasting 40-60 minutes of my life each time.
I rang my bank recently to ask if there was any other way to pay a cheque in since they had closed the local branches. No was the answer. Gee, thanks for that - ever so helpful customer service. 😬

Glittertwins · 08/12/2019 13:06

I've had far too many cash and vouchers sent to me go missing in the post. No way would I send them either.

melj1213 · 08/12/2019 13:07

Tbh cheques are a faff - my nan used to give my siblings and I a £50 cheque for birthdays/Christmas and as much as we loved getting the money and were always grateful it was a faff.

We had to wait till at least 2 days after Christmas to even be able to go into town to deposit them in our bank, we then had to wait for the money to clear into our account and then make a second trip to withdraw the money (kids accounts only had a bank book until you were 14 when your parents could authorise a cash card iirc) to go and spend it.

With Christmas closures and which day Christmas fell on we could be waiting until well after the New Year for our Christmas money. For example if December 25th was a Friday there would be no bank trip till at least the 28th, 5 working days for a cheque to clear so with the January 1st being the following Friday and a bank holiday it could be 3rd/4th of Jan before our Christmas money was even available for us to spend. Factor in not getting into town straight away and it could be mid-January.

For birthdays our parents would just sub us the money until the cheque cleared but at Christmas they didnt have £200 to spare to give us all the £50 each to spend in the Boxing Day sales

Likethebattle · 08/12/2019 13:08

You can pay cheques I to your bank account via the post office. My village has no bank but a great tiny post office.

Dandelion1993 · 08/12/2019 13:09

Cheques are being fased out so it seems a good idea to change that.

For children far away I do either vouchers or oder something online to be delivered to their address.

SebandAlice · 08/12/2019 13:09

What does your cousin get you for Christmas op?

Butchyrestingface · 08/12/2019 13:10

I've had far too many cash and vouchers sent to me go missing in the post. No way would I send them either.

Cheques going missing in the post is unproblematic. It doesn't arrive so you cancel the cheque and write a new one.

If money goes missing in the post, it will cost you the same again to replace it.

MatildaTheCat · 08/12/2019 13:12

Since you obviously suspect that she might use the money on herself it makes far more sense to send vouchers regardless of the cheque hassle debate.

Ask her to send you a picture of them with their new toys as you would like to see what they choose.

Lunafortheloveogod · 08/12/2019 13:13

Bank transfers are the best bet, the moneys ready usually instantly or very quickly can be accessed from anywhere you’d use your card (might be trickier with kids accounts though).
More banks have closed local branches so cheques are a proper pita for us. We’d need to spend £10 on the bus fare to put one in. And then obviously it’s not ready that day to spend so it’s slog home wait another week and another £10 to get back to decent shops to spend the money. Our nearest branch is an hour by public transport now and there’s smaller towns beyond us that have even further to go. So it’d be 4hours of buses to spend a cheque.. didn’t know about posting it, wouldn’t be sure how to.. same with an app I’m definitely looking into that. We always get one cheque at Christmas for a trivial amount.. the last one from dp’s birthdays still in the hall.

RachelEllenR · 08/12/2019 13:13

I'd ask for bank details. My children often get cash for presents. I keep it and transfer money into their accounts. One person still sends cheques which is lovely and I wouldn't ask them to stop but it is a bit frustrating as often make a special trip and pay to park to put it in the bank.

PullingMySocksUp · 08/12/2019 13:14

@GunpowderGelatine what is the app you have for paying cheques in? I need this!

letsdolunch321 · 08/12/2019 13:15

I would not send anything to the cheeky bitch, I imagine her kids don't even see the money. It is probably paying off her debts to friends and neighbours.

EskewedBeef · 08/12/2019 13:15

Ask her for the kids' account details so you can send the present that way. Send a message to tell them to watch out for something arriving in their bank accounts. Easy and secure.

techgirlme · 08/12/2019 13:16

Ask for the kids bank account details and bank transfer the money

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/12/2019 13:16

I won’t gift cash either, too many see it as adult money rather than the child actually getting to choose what it’s spent on.

I wouldn’t be sending cheques either after the comment about clothes/cash and would have resorted to sending a book and selection box so that I knew the child would get the actual gift.

billybagpuss · 08/12/2019 13:17

@Pulling

My hsbc account has a cheque deposit option it’s so useful as I still get them quite regularly but my other account doesn’t.

Sparklybaublefest · 08/12/2019 13:21

cheques are a nuisance
cash is a worry, getting lost in the post.

can you online bank?

Somanysocks · 08/12/2019 13:21

Your cousin is very ungrateful.

DO NOT SEND CASH IN THE POST

TomorrowsPrincess · 08/12/2019 13:21

It's your gift to give however you please. If you want to give a cheque then anyone who is ungrateful or moaning its a 'faff' could always do without!
What is it with ungrateful people now a days..... demanding things that make their life easier!
I would be forever grateful if a family member gave my children a cheque as a gift.
Gift vouchers are also a lovely idea..... but do what is best for you and easier.
It's a gift!!! And should be received with gratitude!

Sparklybaublefest · 08/12/2019 13:22

cheques are a nuisance because so many banks have closed down, some post offices wont accept them for much longer, and you need to make sure you have a paying in slip

Lovemusic33 · 08/12/2019 13:22

I would send vouchers for the entertainer. She’s being a bit rude asking for cash.

Nokeysnoentry · 08/12/2019 13:23

I wish my ex’s family would give my daughter cheques instead of cash. They’re generous, but I feel like a drug dealer when I’m depositing numerous cash gifts in the bank.

Butterfly02 · 08/12/2019 13:23

I have a relative who always gives a cheque to dc, if they want to spend the money before the cheque has cleared I give them the money and then transfer afterwards.
My parents buy for a family where they are not sure if the money would be spent on child or parent therefore they buy vouchers or gift experience that the child would like.