Primary schools - will I be the only one?

[winterwhite]

DC1 is due to start school next year.

Local primary doesn’t offer any wrap around care so we will need to enlist the help of a childminder. However, this means my contact with the school will be very minimal. I won’t be there for morning or end of day pick ups.

AIBU to be a bit worried about this? I’m concerned that I won’t be part of her life as much, that play dates won’t be arranged and I won’t know the other mums or be able to speak to her teacher.

OP, you won't know the pick up arrangements for all the children in your DDs class as she hasn't actually started yet. In fact, the places haven't been allocated. You're worrying about something you have absolutely no control over. I get that as a teacher you're limited in your flexibility but does your dp have some flexibility? If so, I'd get him/her to take the first week of term off so they can do the school run and make themselves known to the teacher.
We use Class Dojo to communicate with parents we don't see regularly.

I'd also be seeing if you can have a PPA session at the start or end of the day so you get to drop off or collect at least once a week.
Our teachers have PPA in the afternoons and those with young children do this.

No I know that soon but I do live here and I do have a vague idea of what most other parents do

Thanks for the advice

No, that can’t be done! Do people actually ask for that?!

OP, I’ve used wrap around care for my DC for years.

I literally never go to the school. Got horribly drunk at works Xmas party this year, had an hour long conversation with some random woman in the club, she was pissed too and ended up groping my breasts. Turns out it was DDs fucking teacher

At least I don’t have to go to the school and face her

@Soontobe60 It isn’t particularly practical to change an entire school timetable for one person!

I think it does make a difference, I gave four and for two of them I couldn't do drop offs etc and they definitely had less play dates than the two who I did drop off and did get to know other parents. That said in the end it doesn't matter, while I'm still friends with the same mums my children aren't close to theirs any more at all and don't play together. They found new friends and as the children get older you don't meet the other parents much anyway! Honestly I wouldn't worry about it at all and if you are PooWillyBumBum had a great idea with the notes

Do a whole class party for your DS in reception year. You'll get to meet other parents and put faces to kids names.

I teach too, so sports days and the like can’t be done.
I assumed I wouldn't be able to do these either after I started teaching, but in fact there were several staff in the department in the same boat and we usually managed to swap lessons and cover each other for sports days and nativity plays.

I was in almost the opposite situation when DD1 began school...I was one of only a handful of SAHMs. The majority had careers and nannies or childminders.

We all worked it out...I remember a couple of DD"s friend's Mothers catching me at events...evening performances and so on...and giving me their numbers so we could arrange playdates.

These parents I understood weren't able to have ad-hoc playdates after school but were more than happy to arrange them when they had time off or during school holidays.

But OP don't fret too much about playdates in reception...year 1 might be more the time to think about that.

Depends on your childminder. I would happily have other children back for a play and happy to organise the return visit.

She won't be the only one. In all the time my 3 have been at school (youngest now in year 11) I've never known all of the children to be collected by a parent.

Do a whole class party for your DS in reception year.

Ah yes, great advice!

I think going to a local school will be better because then your child will make friends with others nearby and much easier for play dates at weekends and parties etc. As head of a small primary where my children don’t attend I rarely do drop off/pick up but I do make sure I can attend nativity/sports day and provide cover for others to be able to do the same. My children go to Childminder’s and are very happy, yes they miss out on play dates but they also get plenty of time with me in the holidays which is lovely! Some things are sad but unavoidable. Try not to dwell on it and see if there is any flexibility from leadership or if you could cover with other teachers? If your inset days are different to your child’s make the most of being able to drop them off then?

I got to know other parents through all the weekend full class parties in P1-2. Make an effort to go to them and introduce yourself and have a chat. Find his friends parents and say hello, after a couple of meetings find out if they are up for the kids meeting up outside school.

I'm not in this position, but my neighbours (and parents of one of my daughter's classmates) are. They manage the situation by taking an occasional day or half-day off on a Friday (maybe 2-3 times a year), touching base with the teacher, and hosting a mass playdate for several of their children's friends at once.

@winterwhite I get the problem - no ‘book a day of annual leave’ for teachers!

What worked for me was...
Attend every weekend party and network like mad - make a list of parents’ names and numbers and star the ones who seem nice!
If your child has an autumn birthday, invite all the class to a weekend party and make sure you talk to the parents (give them wine/coffee!)
Read every newsletter / school website page to avoid missing things.
Get on the class WhatsApp group
Make special friends with the class PTA rep - she will be an invaluable source of info about upcoming events.
Make friends with a mum with older children at the school - ditto.
TELL THE TEACHER that you’re worried about communication - she may not clock early on that you’re not doing the school run.
Join the PTA and volunteer for any weekend events.
If there are other activities that your DC’s classmates do (Beavers, Saturday morning football etc) sign up for that too - I made my best parent friends watching sport.

Good luck!

WhatsApp group is great, to just remind you that it's mufti tomorrow etc.

I totally get why you are feeling sad but you seem quite negative in your responses (I do get that as it’s worrying you) but focus on the things that can be done!

Set up a group Whasapp for parents, attend all the parties you are invited too, put notes in book bag for anyone your child mentions etc. There are several teachers I know who all cover for each other where they can (with heads support) so they can attend assemblies every now and again.

Ds is private and out of his class there’s only me and another mum who work. I would say it genuinely has made no odds - there are nannies / childminders / grandparents etc all collecting and yet everyone’s child is still included even if it takes a bit more effort.

I hope starting school goes really well for you both

You won’t be the only one OP.

We use the school run breakfast and afterschool club, it’s not staffed by teachers but it still makes me feel like I have contact with school by dropping them off everyday and them pointing out where they play etc.

I met my 3 closest ‘mum’ friends at a class party. None of us were at the school gates either at all or every day but got to know each other and certainly while the girls were little, we could do play dates with each of them.

Our school has an app to share news, reminders etc and you can message the teacher on that and they can message you. I think many schools have something similar now and it’s a godsend in keeping up to date, checking stuff out. Class Facebook pages and WhatsApp groups also help.

My DC also met different people at extra curricular stuff like dance or football which are often at weekends and there have been play date and party invites from these too.

Try not to overthink it op, just see how you get on when it happens. If you’re a teacher then hopefully that means you get most of the holidays together which is fab!

Lots of people don't pick up at our school. My main advice would be to make sure you're on top of non uniform days, trips and other things on the school diary.

This is like me currently aa dDaughter takes school transport every day. Luckily I did one year of school runs as was on maternity leave so know some people a little ... Can you help on PTA. Is there a class Facebook group or what's app? Try and go to any social events and introduce yourself. It's tough as everyone else seems best buddies.

Honestly, it is not the end of the world. It is true you won’t meet anyone but if you are working you hardly have time for tea after drop off or play dates straight after pick up. Keeping track of the names she mentions so you can invite later will do.

Try not to feel guilty, by earning a salary you are providing your DD with a life and opportunities she would not have had otherwise.

Seconding all the advice about going to every party and getting on the class WhatsApp group! My biggest tip though would be to ask other parents for help. We’ve got a real mix of working routines amongst the parents in our class and all seem happy to help each other. I work part time and have picked up nativity costumes if someone has mentioned that they’re struggling to find time, taken other children along to after school birthday parties, bought extra bottles for the endless tombola mufti days, taken photos and waved at children picking up awards if their parents couldn’t make it (at parents request!) and so on. Honestly, we all know how tough it can be to balance work and guilt, reach out and I bet you’ll have lots of offers of help.

I've been here and worried about the same thing. Lots of parents grew up together here and I'm an outsider. I went to every party going and got to eventually know people. I also went .9, and did pick up once a fortnight.

I have, however, missed every sports day and stupid bloody assembly for both kids. Occasionally they pull me on it, but they're used to it. Getting the 'your child is ill' call on occasion is always fun:"are they really ill?"
"Well, they're not good."
"Have they actually been sick?"
"Well no, but...."
Bit of a stand off.
"sigh I'll be there if I can get cover. But you know it'll take me about an hour to get back, right?"

Luckily, they're rarely ill.